By Jim Minkle

I have been watching a lot of celebrity sex tapes lately and they are always in demand. It’s human nature to want to see celebrities in the nude. Well, maybe not all celebrities. Who wants to see Ernest Borgnine pork somebody?

Well, I watched a recent Britney Spears one and I don’t think it was her. It sort of looked like her, but I’m not convinced it was her. These lookalikes make a lot of money making sex tapes, pretending to be a celebrity. Come to think of it, I don’t think that was Ernest Borgnine either.

I recently watched the Paris Hilton one followed immediately after by the one from that WWE “woman” Chyna, because they both had similar titles. Neither is a real celebrity but f**k, they were not all that bad. I maintained my search and found a Tonya Harding movie. Not good. Those flapjacks did nothing for me.

Spending the course of 8 hours watching celebrity sex tapes has made me an expert. I’m such an expert that I have come up with a list of the top 10 celebrities that I do not want to see in a sex tape:

10. Betty White – too old
9. Richard Simmons – too curly
8. Whoopi Goldberg – too talkative
7. Jerry Lewis – too annoying
6. That lard ass from Precious — too fat
5. Jack Black — too loud
4. Joan Cusack — too manly
3. Robin Williams — too hairy
2. Eddie Deezen — too geeky
1. Rick Moranis — too small in the pants

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