My LEGENDARY friend, Miley Cyrus, can now rest easy. That ass clown, Jason Luis Rivera that tried to enter her home with some scissors will be going away for 18 months. I hope that the guy buys some soap on a rope. They are going to split him like firewood. YA HEARD!
Miley don’t need this nonsense. It’s bad enough that she has to deal with her father…that achy break reject! YA HEARD! Achy Breaky Heart was a hit? Really? Really? This writer just doesn’t see how it could have done so well.
Yo, check this out. Miley is one of the biggest stars in the world and this stalking is no joke. She can rest easy, but after Rivera is done making relations in jail, he may return to his old ways. Thankfully, Myles Willington, an expert on stalking, has come forward with his comments…
“I’m consumed with RAGE!!! I can’t tell you how many stalkers I deal with and all they really need is a good boot in the ass and a punch in the face, but every once in a while, you get a guy like Rivera. Oh if there is a god, I hope he gets cornholed twice a day, every day for the full 18 months. Now for you good people out there that may face a stalker, here is some advice. The minute that you have a problem, report it to the police…because you always run to us when there’s a problem. If there’s not a problem, we are the biggest assholes in the world right? Do you have any idea how god damn difficult our jobs are? Get this, I shoot one drug dealer and they put me on desk duty for six weeks. Unarmed…armed…what’s the difference? He was selling drugs! He can sell weed to Satan now. Oh god, my ribs hurt now from laughing. I will tell that joke at the next police man’s ball. People don’t realize how funny I am. I tell good jokes. For instance, this (removed ethnic joke deemed inappropriate and unfunny).”