Freaking Elmo. You never trust a guy with his hand up the ass of a puppet. You just don’t. Now we have this guy that does that for a living, Kevin Clash, accused of showing his Big Bird to a 16 year old boy. In the wake of these allegations, Clash has taken a leave of absence, but he screamed: “I’m taking my puppet with me. I am going to @#$@#$ Elmo tonight.” (Note: He reportedly said that…it’s not been confirmed)
Clash has denied the allegations. He has been far too busy with his hand up Elmo’s backside. Where’s the other hand though? He hasn’t answered that question yet. The accuser has held strong, stating that Elmo molested him…or I should say that the guy that controls Elmo does. Elmo is still innocent and that is the saddest part of this. You have to really screen the people that have their hands up your ass. You just have to. We live in a sick world.
Clash published an autobiography: “MY LIFE AS A FURRY RED MONSTER,” prompting many to exclaim: “Keep your furry monster to yourself pervert!” His monster has not gone unnoticed by our readers. Sgt. Myles Willington, of the Special Victims Unit, has come forward with his expertise. We believe in giving EVERYONE a fair chance and rely on the opinion of Willington here to help us make a determination.
“This guy is a walking hard on. I read his book about his furry monster and I was able to read between the lines. He wasn’t talking about Elmo. He was talking about his (removed word that rhymes with ‘sock’). Now, the only fresh breath of air here is that the kid was 16, not younger. In my line of work, I deal with pervert after pervert and they are just the guys that you want to strangle to death, but 16? That’s on the line. In some states, it’s legal and had he slapped a 16 year old with his furry monster there, no problemo. In my state, it’s illegal and we would have put him into a cell with the sodomites and it would have felt like he was @#$#@$ by a train. Choo-choo…chugga-chugga-chugga-choo-choo! There are many things that are illegal that makes no sense. For instance, they said that it’s illegal for me to let prostitutes go. Well, if they have sex with me for free, it’s legal and everyone wins. Why get them in trouble. It’s a victimless crime!”