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PERFECT DARK – Nintendo 64, Xbox 360 VIDEO GAME REVIEW – First Person Shooter Game

By Georgie “Justin” Bieber (AKA – Joystick Georgie)

OK, I’m in a Nintendo 64 mood. Sue me! Ja-ja…he-he…YA HEARD! It took me forever to find a Nintendo 64 at the Goodwill, but I have friends on the inside and when one showed up, they put it aside for me.

One of my favorite games for the system is PERFECT DARK, a futuristic game where you play the role of Joanna Dark, an agent. Some men didn’t like being a female, but not me. Hell, I wear women’s clothing half the time I play the darn thing. Why would I mind you fool?!

The game works a lot like GOLDEN EYE, that 64 game that has now made its way to Xbox 360, Playstation 3, and Nintendo Wii. It was the best first person shooter until this bad boy came out. PERFECT DARK has such a great array of weapons that you can never get sick of it. There’s everything except for a dildo gun. Hell, you can pretend that the Dragon is shooting dildos across at your opponents, right? YA HEARD!

Now to play the game, you need an “expansion pack,” which you violently shove into the system. You just force it right in there. It can be exciting and expensive. I found my expansion pack for 50 cents on EBAY. Thankfully, I was able to collect enough can deposits to pay for it.

Now there are seventeen missions and each one can be tricky. You have to shoot a lot of pricks right off of their crotches, problem solve, and have a little bit of luck on your side. This gamer loves the game play here and the graphics are top of the line for the year this came out (2000).

I see that it was released for Xbox Arcade, where you have to pay for it to play it on your Xbox 360. Really? Really? What, do you think I have money falling out of my ass? Gerbils maybe, but money? The 360 is like 300 bucks and then getting the Internet is another 30 bucks a month. The idiots at the library won’t let me hook up a TV and Xbox here. And then I have to pay like 10 bucks for the game? What do you think Target pays me, and you can’t buy video games with an EBT card!

The multi-player is awesome. You can play up to 4 players with split screen and it is so much fun blowing each other. I used this one bouncing grenade to blow this guy right to kingdom come! Boom boom in the zoom zoom…YA HEARD!

This is really a perfect game. They came out with a game called “PERFECT DARK ZERO” for Xbox 360 as a launch title and they can launch it right up their ass. When Phil lived in my building, he bought the system and invited me over and I could not believe how horrible it was. I feel bad for Phil. They kicked him out when he banged the landlord’s daughter. This gamer thinks that was a knee jerk reaction. They were both adults and both into those leather masks and swings.

So let’s break this one down: JOYSTICK GEORGIE SAYS
Game Play –5/5
Graphics – 5/5
Fun Factor – 5/5
Makes me say “Ya Heard!” – YES
VERDICT: LEGENDARY– Get it for your Xbox or your N64. YA HEARD! Release the dogs!

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