Yo, check this out. I was at the Royal Rumble a few nights ago when I was approached by ten thousand WWE Divas and they all said in unison: “Vinman, we want to have your baby! We love your Drakkar, your smile, how you’re a man’s man, how you right wrongs, and will you please show us pictures of your LEGENDARY friends on your cell phone?” Well, as any hunk would do, I showed them pictures of my LEGENDARY friends on my cell phone and then I realized that I had fans everywhere. I was humbled by that. As I was humbled by that, one of the babes said: “Hey hot Vinman, is it true that your LEGENDARY friend, The Rock, died?” My god, imagine if his family heard that. They’d be devastated. I had to right this wrong. YA HEARD!
Unlike other journalists, I did my research and phoned The Rock, and he said: “Vinman, finally the Rock is back on RSR and this is so bush league and these hoaxers may never admit this, but I’m bigger than they will ever be. Please put these Goya-induced farts on blast and tell them that the next Rock Bottom I deliver will involve testing their gag reflex. Please trace their IPs, which I know you’re very good at, and put them all on blast.” You got it, Rock. I’m releasing the dogs on them!
I am not the sort of journalist that sits on his hands and I will not extend an olive branch to these asshats. No way. No dice. I am going to find out who these people are and pull their spine through their asshole and put them on blast and right this wrong. Blah blah blah mother fucker!
(Note: comments may not be those of The Rock)