{"id":1877,"date":"2010-03-31T00:00:53","date_gmt":"2010-03-31T04:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ringsidereport.com\/?p=1877"},"modified":"2010-03-31T00:00:53","modified_gmt":"2010-03-31T04:00:53","slug":"the-cult-of-the-pretty-boy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/?p=1877","title":{"rendered":"The Cult of the Pretty Boy"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>By Eoin Redahan<\/strong><\/p>\n

Keats said it was truth; someone else said it was in the eye of the beholder. Either way, beauty plays a curiously prominent role in boxing.<\/p>\n

The cosmetic surgeons would laugh in your face; the gawky, pimple-strewn teenager would scoff with scorn; and the women from the calendar leaves would just smile and shrug if you lectured them on the superficiality of beauty. If it is only skin deep, they might say, then it measures a very profound 1.5 millimeters.<\/p>\n

Strangely, facial aesthetics play a bigger part in boxing than in almost any other sport. A boxer\u2019s successes and failings are written on the curves of his nose and on the tissue of his cheekbones. Arguably, attractiveness has a more distinct bearing on the popularity of a boxer than purists would admit.<\/p>\n

For example, what if creation had been unkind to the faces of Oscar De La Hoya and Muhammad Ali? And what if Mike Tyson\u2019s face betrayed none of his menace? Would their careers have been warped like the limbs of a bonsai, or would they have grown up just the same? Of course we\u2019ll never know.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Or will we?<\/p>\n

Oscar\u2019s house<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWake up. Oscar, wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oscar rubs the slumber from his eyes. Today is a big day. He has a television interview, and he must look the part. He scans the room for his lucky fish net stockings and suitable brassiere. \u201cSports or regular?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n

He puts on his heels and totters to the bathroom. He is greeted by the grim reflection of a mirror. He sees tiny, squinting eyes, a large nose mashed about his face, and the conspicuous absence of a front tooth. It is a bad face day. He applies \u201cthe clear\u201d moisturizer Sugar Shane was so kind to lend him before caking his skin in a painted disguise.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look so handsome today, honey,\u201d his wife says with restrained mirth. \u201cBut I wish you wouldn\u2019t wear so much makeup.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s easy for you to say,\u201d he replies irritably. \u201cThere is another hairline crack in the mirror by the way,\u201d he adds. \u201cYou said you had replaced it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did. That\u2019s the third mirror this month,\u201d she gasps.<\/p>\n

The clip of heels can be heard around the house. Eventually, Oscar sits as his wife briefs (he prefers them to boxers) him on the morning\u2019s developments:<\/p>\n

\u201cFloyd wants to sever ties with Sterling Boy Promotions. He says you haven\u2019t given him enough exposure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cExposure?\u201d Oscar cries. \u201cWere those photographs not enough?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not talking about those photographs, Oscar. He just feels that you don\u2019t have the facial recognition to make him an obscene amount of money. He says he has lawyers to feed and medallions to buy. Oh, and the Hispanic-oriented bank is dropping you from its advertising campaign. They say your face is, well, intimidating customers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oscar slumps in his seat.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst I get duped out of a gold medal and now this. I swear if I looked like Ali, I would\u2019ve gotten that decision. Instead, I\u2019m with Roy Jones JR. and \u201cPretty Boy\u201d as the Olympic bridesmaids (this gives him an idea). Can you imagine how much better Golden Boy Promotions would sound than Sterling Boy?<\/p>\n

\u201cIf only I were pretty,\u201d he grumbles to himself. \u201cI would never have lost so many close decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n

Later that day, Oscar appears on television. He discusses the \u201ceagerly-anticipated\u201d match-up between Roy Jones, JR., and Bernard Hopkins. This time the female presenter is not touching her face, making lingering eye contact, or laughing bashfully at his jokes. Moreover, she cuts short his meandering monologue about \u201cthe fight we\u2019ve all been waiting for.\u201d<\/p>\n

She asks him if he will release his blood test records in the interest of transparency, and if he will stop speaking in baby. Oscar tugs at his garter uncomfortably. \u201cWell,\u201d he says trying to summon a winning smile. \u201cI did give my answer in a non-committal Sterling Boy Promotions press release.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry Oscar,\u201d the presenter says with the hint of a smile. \u201cBut answers like that are reserved for pretty people.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking the Mick (in 1989)<\/strong><\/p>\n

An agent shakes Iron Mike\u2019s young hand. The young Mike is different to how we remember. He has soft features, a brow without furrows, and a dashing smile. With his billowing woolen jumper, he could have been a Cosby. The agent looks upon the young bull as a cash cow, and sets about milking his client for all he\u2019s worth:<\/p>\n

Agent: Who are your heroes, Mike?<\/p>\n

Mike: Jack Dempsey. Sonny Liston. Pigeons.<\/p>\n

Agent: Okay, not any more they\u2019re not. These guys just won\u2019t work for your sponsors. To be frank, we liked neither Mr. Dempsey\u2019s haircut, nor his pre-fight glare. As for Mr. Liston: Suffice to say, he is not a savory enough role model for a young gentleman such as yourself.<\/p>\n

The toothpaste company wants to see that smile, and the washing powder people desperately want to see some sock action. Disney was also hoping for a bit of color in those trunks and a suggestion of light-heartedness. May I suggest a hokey anthem to enter the ring by, a smattering of celebrity friends, and a foppish haircut?<\/p>\n

Mike: But that\u2019s the point. I need to intimidate my\u2026<\/p>\n

Agent: No, Mike. Floyd Patterson is the point. Joe Louis is the point. We need wholesome heroes. You\u2019re the face of boxing now, and with the right tutelage, I think you can become a media darling. Now, you mentioned pigeons. We like pigeons.<\/p>\n

Mike: I also like pigeons.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Agent: My job is to make you more money than you can ever spend, but we need to make sure that you\u2019re as marketable as possible; so, there will be ground rules: Firstly, no gold teeth. Apparently, women don\u2019t find them attractive any more. The same goes for tattoos of Chinese Communists and Cuban revolutionaries. If you must get a tattoo, at least make sure it\u2019s of a capitalist. But if you got one, I know you\u2019d make it subtle anyway. You\u2019re going to be the Jack Nicklaus of boxing. How does that sound?<\/p>\n

Mike: That sounds tremendous<\/p>\n

Agent: Okay, just a few more items: The cereal company wants you to come in and bite a few ears for them.<\/p>\n

Mike: Ears?<\/p>\n

Agent: You\u2019ll need to gnaw on an ear of corn for the advertisement. Don\u2019t worry; it\u2019ll just be one ear.<\/p>\n

Mike: But, but.<\/p>\n

Agent: No butts, Mike. You take care of your ears; let other boxers take care of the buts. Oh, and one last thing: Don\u2019t threaten to eat any one\u2019s children. It doesn\u2019t mix well with your image as teenage heartthrob and ideal son in law. But, I wouldn\u2019t worry about any of this; this is just the beginning of the Mike Tyson glory years.<\/p>\n

Advertise Now On RSR<\/a><\/p>\n

Purchase Boxing Interviews Of A Lifetime<\/a><\/p>\n

Watch The Trailer For Family Secret<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Eoin Redahan Keats said it was truth; someone else said it was in the eye of the beholder. Either way, beauty plays a curiously prominent role in boxing. The cosmetic surgeons would laugh in your face; the gawky, pimple-strewn teenager would scoff with scorn; and the women from the calendar leaves would just smile […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[105,267,503,549],"class_list":["post-1877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boxing-news","tag-boxing","tag-floyd-mayweather","tag-mike-tyson","tag-oscar-de-la-hoya"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1877","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1877"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1877\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1877"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1877"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1877"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}