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<\/a>By Diane Batshaw, MD FAAFP<\/strong><\/p>\nDoctor Curmudgeon has a lot “on her plate.”<\/p>\n
Patients to see.<\/p>\n
Forms to fill out<\/p>\n
Phone calls to make.<\/p>\n
Emergencies to handle.<\/p>\n
She tries to organize, to keep her desk neat. She is in a losing battle. By nature, the good (and possibly messy) doctor finds her organizational skills lacking.<\/p>\n
However, she keeps up the good fight.<\/p>\n
Periodically, she tosses items to the shredder or to the circular file. This accomplishment means that she sees a clear area on her desk. This clear area allows her to feel so good about herself. And then, she leaves for the night.
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\n8 PM.<\/p>\n
The office is locked<\/p>\n
The alarm is turned on.<\/p>\n
The office manager’s desk is neat<\/p>\n
Tomorrow’s charts are stacked neatly.<\/p>\n
The front desk is pretty neat<\/p>\n
The lab area is clean and neat.
\nThe break room is neat<\/p>\n
The coffee and water is in the coffee maker, ready to be turned on by the first person arriving in the morning.<\/p>\n
Her partner’s desk is neat.
\nAnd then there is a gently rustling.<\/p>\n
Possibly a paper giggle or two.<\/p>\n
A lonely paper slides out from under the office manager’s door.<\/p>\n
It quickly glides through the half open door to the good doctor\u2019s office.<\/p>\n
It leaps upon her chair, somehow managing to dump some ink on the seat.<\/p>\n
Then, suddenly more papers appear.<\/p>\n
They spread over the desk in a disorderly fashion.<\/p>\n
They come together and they multiply.<\/p>\n
Ye Gads! Those papers are procreating!
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\nPerhaps I should leave condoms and birth control pills scattered around my desk..
\nMaybe those papers will take the hint.<\/p>\n
But then again, I am well aware of “The animosity of Inanimate Objects!” This is a known and proven scientific precept, not merely a theory<\/p>\n
What shall I do?<\/p>\n
A dear friend has recommended the perfect solution:<\/p>\n
JUST SET FIRE TO THE DARN DESK AND START ALL OVER!<\/p>\n
Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.<\/p>\n