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<\/a>By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAFP<\/strong><\/p>\nIt was a dark and gloomy morning.<\/p>\n
I staggered through the rain, walking between the drops in order to stay dry. Of course, I forgot my umbrella<\/p>\n
Walking into my office, I gasped<\/p>\n
I blinked<\/p>\n
I held my breath<\/p>\n
There, seated at my desk was ME!<\/p>\n
Doc Curmudgeon\u00ae (gasping) who …what…how …what on earth!!! Who are you?<\/p>\n
Clone: (grinning) I\u2019m your clone. You\u2019ve been asking for one for a long time. And, by the way, can’t you see that I’m busy…reviewing our charts?<\/p>\n
Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae: Huh? But…but…but<\/p>\n
Clone: Why don\u2019t you go home and go through the check list I left there while I\u2019ll see the patients in our office.<\/p>\n
Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae stands in the doorway, stupefied and quiet<\/p>\n
Clone: (continuing) or do you prefer it the other way?<\/p>\n
Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae: I think I’ll go home.<\/p>\n
Clone rises as Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae backs away.<\/p>\n
Clone (handing out a purple ribbon to the good, curmudgeonly, but confused physician) Here, Doc. Tie this around your wrist, so you’ll know which one of us are you. Sorry, we couldn’t use red, but the Kabalah people took that color.<\/p>\n
And so I went home.<\/p>\n
I made some espresso.<\/p>\n
I sat down and read a journal<\/p>\n
I checked out the list my clone had made. Not too bad.<\/p>\n
Folder with bills due<\/p>\n
Calls that had to be made<\/p>\n
Did Laundry<\/p>\n
Rested some more.<\/p>\n
With a spring in my step, 8 hours of sleep and breakfast in my tummy, I approached my office door.<\/p>\n
Feeling a frisson of fear, I checked my wrist. Yes!!!! Purple ribbon. It had really happened. Joy returned to my peaceful world. I had help. Someone filled out the forms. Did all the dirty little hateful tasks that stand in the way of being only a physician. I could just see patients today and my lovely clone would stay at the desk doing the drudge work.<\/p>\n
Joy has returned.<\/p>\n
At the door to my office, I stopped.<\/p>\n
Horrified<\/p>\n
Rooted to the spot<\/p>\n
Filled with fear.<\/p>\n
A CLOWN SAT AT MY DESK! I hate clowns. I am terrified by them.<\/p>\n
I sputtered.<\/p>\n
The clown made awful squeaky noises as he grinned and said,<\/p>\n
“You idiot! We can’t do clones. We only do clowns. And the song is ‘Send in the Clowns,’ not clones.<\/p>\n
“Fortunately, here I am”<\/p>\n
Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.<\/p>\n