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<\/a>By Bennett A. Bramson, MPA<\/strong><\/p>\nSome years ago, while working as Director of Commerce and Professions at the Greater Miami Jewish Federation, I had the unique opportunity to serve as the Chaplain for the Jewish passengers on Norwegian Cruise Lines ships for many cruises (later in my career, I also worked with NCL as a business consultant training the crews of the ships). But as a Chaplain, my role was to conduct the services for Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Passover, and Hanukkah.<\/p>\n
Yes, it was a tough job, but someone had to step up and accept the mantle of leadership. A free one week cruise in a gorgeous upper deck outside cabin, in exchange for conducting a 45-minute religious service for the holiday and one 30 minute Sabbath service may be torturous, but, being the kind of giving person I am…I graciously agreed and accepted!<\/p>\n
Also, being single at the time, for one of the cruises, the cruise line thought they would do me a great service and place me at a table with five single women, none of whom were Jewish. Some were certainly attractive and cordial, which would have made for a very pleasant cruising experience.<\/p>\n
On the first evening, we performed the perfunctory ritual cruise dinner table dance called, \u201cMeet Your Fellow Dining Table Mates,\u201d and we went around the table and shared the basics.<\/p>\n
For those who have not cruised before, here\u2019s the routine. \u201cHi, I\u2019m (insert your name here). I\u2019m from (insert your city of residence here\u2026and add where you were born or raised if you choose to be particularly engaging). I am a (add your line of employment here).\u201d NEXT!!<\/p>\n
Being the gentleman that I am, I invited my tablemates to commence the dance.<\/p>\n
Okay, now the pressure was on. \u201cHi, I\u2019m Bennett. I\u2019m from Miami Beach. I\u2019m a fund raising executive and I am traveling as the Chaplain aboard the ship for the Jewish passengers for Rosh Hashanah.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now, before the usual banal follow-up banter could begin, one particularly rotund unattractive woman turned towards me (not directly, mind you), but with a disdainful half twist of the body, and an evil eye.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you responsible for circumcision?\u201d she queried.<\/p>\n
Rather strange question at the dinner table I thought, but I then responded. \u201cPersonally, no, I had nothing to do with it. Now, if you are referring to the Jewish people, yes, we had something to do with that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Having gotten some sort of affirmative response to her question, she indignantly and forcefully stated: \u201cWell, since we will be sitting at this table together for the next week, you should be aware that I am the leader of a national organization seeking to put an end to circumcision.\u201d<\/p>\n
The silence at the table was deafening. It was like watching a tennis match, as all eyes now moved back across the table towards me, for a response.<\/p>\n
\u201cWith all the serious issues facing us in the world today\u2026famine, threat of nuclear disaster, virulent diseases, human genocides, terrorism, crime, child abuse, ecological disasters, political turmoil\u2026I\u2019d think that saving a few foreskins would be a bit lower on the list of priorities (around number 25,547,000),\u201d I responded.<\/p>\n
The laughter from our tablemates was audible and lengthy. Service point\u2026Mr. Bramson.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is no laughing matter,\u201d she said emphatically. \u201cThis is a barbaric and sadistic act which causes immense pain and long-lasting deleterious effects. We know for a fact that it has deep psychological impacts, and it has been found to be no more sanitary or hygienic than those who are uncircumcised.\u201d Uh-ohhh, strong return from my penile adversary. Mind you, this was my first dinner conversation EVER about the merits of smegma in uncircumcised male equipment.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout that pain,\u201d I answered, \u201cwhen I had my circumcision, I cried for a day and didn\u2019t walk for a year.\u201d \u201cMy point exactly,\u201d she retorted. \u201cI was eight days old and virtually no one walks for a year!\u201d I answered to the delight of my other female companions, whose laughter had become audible again. Nice return shot for Mr. B.<\/p>\n
Then, I continued: \u201cSince you mentioned the harmful psychological effects, unless I am mistaken, I am the only person at this table who has experienced a circumcision and it has had no dele, no dele, no dele (I shook my head from side to side as I stuttered the word deleterious) \u2026no bad effects on me.\u201d The laughter from our tablemates was now reaching, shall we say, biblical proportions. Cross court slam for the Bram.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is serious,\u201d she yelled as her face became crimson and she was visibly shaken.<\/p>\n
But given her seriousness and angst (and my concern that she could have a heart attack over my appendage), it was time for a new approach I thought. A more forthright discussion of the realities of my religion (although I realized at this juncture that it probably was not worth confusing her with the facts, because her small mind was already made up).<\/p>\n
\u201cIn Judaism, it has nothing to do with hygiene, but it is a 5,700-year-old tradition based upon a covenant made with God, called Brit Milah (or a bris).\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of covenant?\u201d she angrily shot back.<\/p>\n
\u201cHaving founded the concept of monotheism (a belief in one God), Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, on what is now the Temple Mount (or Dome of the Rock) in Jerusalem. God intervened and said, \u2018spare the life of your son and sacrifice a lamb instead. However, as a sign of your faith and belief, you will give me the foreskin of each of your sons on the eighth day of their life (a day on which Jews officially recognize the child as a human being). This will be our covenant.\u2019 Jews have had to overcome five millennia of hatred, worshipping in hiding, anti-Semitism, and abuse over our religious beliefs. You are free to protest all you want\u2026but, it won\u2019t change our religion, rituals, or traditions.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now, at this juncture, she began to babble about some meaningless statistics and pseudo-facts, which had no bearing on reality or religion. Unforced mental error on her part.<\/p>\n
I changed strategies again. \u201cDo you know how a circumcision is performed?\u201d \u201cOf course, I do,\u201d she hastily replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, in Judaism, we use someone called a Mohel. A Rabbi or other religious leader specially trained in performing circumcisions. And they don\u2019t get paid.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her tilted head and puzzled look loudly explained her sense of confusion. \u201cThey get to keep the tips,\u201d I said with a smirk. Once that sunk in with my Gentile female tablemates, the laughter commenced again. Oh, a great shot down the line for Mr. Bramson.<\/p>\n
I continued\u2026 \u201cand when he collects enough tips, he makes a little leather wallet.\u201d More guffaws (sorry, these are old standard bris jokes in Judaism).<\/p>\n
She stammered and responded with more hirsute facts based upon irrelevance and inanity. Her game was faltering.<\/p>\n
Enough, I thought, time to put an end to this discussion and go for total victory.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you ever had a child,\u201d I asked. \u201cNo,\u201d she quickly shot back.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I witnessed the birth of my daughter, the genesis of my own creation\u2026a truly remarkable and spiritual experience and I can tell you that, as a man, the only way I will ever truly understand the birthing experience of women, will be the day I pass a bowling ball through my rectum.\u201d Okay, it was a little too visual for this group, but got a good laugh anyway. I was on a roll\u2026why stop now. It was one of those hit the net and fall on her side of the court for a point, kind of remarks.<\/p>\n
But then I said, \u201clet me make my point clearly,\u201d and I reached for my zipper and offered to show her the physical damage of circumcision in person (which of course I would not do). The women at the table were out of their minds with laughter.<\/p>\n
Game point, set, match, tournament, trophy, victory \u2013 Mr. Bramson.<\/p>\n
She got up indignantly from the table, stalked away, and never returned for another meal, which was all the better for my tablemates and me as we enjoyed six more lovely evening meals together and in fact, I became quite close with one of them (who obviously had greater interest in seeing the Mohel\u2019s good work).<\/p>\n
Now, I know there is some debate over circumcision (although uncircumcised men DO have a higher rate of urinary infections and prostate cancer), but I am not one of those who really cares to \u2018handle\u2019 the topic any further in the future.<\/p>\n
Oh, and by the way, the subject of circumcision at that table, was never erected again.<\/p>\n
And one more point worth considering about Jewish shortcomings: Do you know why Jews are considered the most optimistic people on earth? No? Because before we know how big it will be, we are willing to cut a piece off. That\u2019s true faith!<\/p>\n
Until next week\u2026keep bantering.<\/p>\n
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