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<\/a>By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist\/cardiologist<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\nAs long as anybody can remember, Doctor Curmudgeon has had a problem.<\/p>\n
For want of a better term, she thinks of it as an inability to create a geographic memory. Most likely, somewhere hidden deep within her hippocampus is a glitch which confuses her when she waddles around in a new environment.<\/p>\n
If she is in a restaurant and tries to return to her table from a bathroom trip\u2026it can take a while for her to find that table. Do not even ask about the difficulties she has when parking her car in a large parking lot. She has been fortunate in that she discovered\u2026if she simply turns around to look at where she came from\u2026she can more easily find her way back.<\/p>\n
She has long thought it was simply an area of decreased intelligence, but she found that this disorder seems to run rampant in her family.<\/p>\n
But then\u2026 A modern solution strode forcefully into Doctor Curmudgeon\u2019s life. Into the life of this Luddite\u2026stomped the GPS!!!<\/p>\n
Those close to her relaxed. Those people whom she frantically called when her car caused her to be lost no longer worried. All was in balance. All she had to do was use the GPS<\/p>\n
Ah yes.<\/p>\n
GPS!<\/p>\n
This was supposed to be an assistant to Doctor Curmudgeon?<\/p>\n
Sure.<\/p>\n
Right.<\/p>\n
She understands that GPS stands for Global Positioning System.<\/p>\n
In other words, this thing is meant to position her somewhere on the globe? To Doctor Curmudgeon, this is illogical.<\/p>\n
While driving she is now able to receive annoying messages such as \u201cKeep to the right in 118 inches.\u201d Keep to the right? What does that mean in Doctor Curmudgeon terms? She assumes the device is telling her to make that right hand turn.<\/p>\n
And then the kindly doctor turns right and what does she hear? \u201cYou idiot, you were supposed to KEEP to the right, not turn right. And now I have to recalculate.\u201d<\/p>\n
Recalculate? I just want specific instructions\u2026like make a right turn at the next traffic light\u2026or even\u2026keep going straight\u2026you are doing fine. What does keep to the right mean? I am not driving in Great Britain. I am already driving on the right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd by the way, you are the idiot you stupid GPs\u2026.not me! Just show me your degree.\u201d<\/p>\n
Doctor Curmudgeon\u00ae is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.<\/p>\n