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<\/a>By William Kozy<\/strong><\/p>\nMy survey questions asked writers in the horror\/sci-fi\/fantasy genre and Facebook Twilight Zone fan pages, \u201cWhat is you favorite episode of the original Twilight Zone series?\u201d Of the more than 3,000 respondents, there were three that received 0 votes and four that received 1 vote. \u201cThe Bard\u201d is one of those episodes. Of those seven bottom dwellers it has been my experience hanging around these Twilight Zone fan sites, that \u201cThe Bard\u201d comes up far more than the others when the subject of worst TZ episode is asked about. And unfortunately despite a sprightly and creative premise, the execution of the episode indeed confirms its reputed awfulness.<\/p>\n
It does have its moments and assets. John Williams for instance does a very winning impression of William Shakespeare, and I have to say that Burt Reynolds who shows up later, acquits himself very well also, doing his best Marlon Brando impersonation. <\/p>\n
And conceptually the episode is almost entertaining. It posits the idea: What if a hack TV writer conjured up the spirit of William Shakespeare and had The Bard writer a TV series teleplay for him which he then submits to the studio?<\/p>\n
Now, especially for a satire, which this episode is, the clich\u00e9 would have been to have the studio reject the screenplay, saying what garbage it was, and \u201cwho in the world talks like these characters, this is crazy! It\u2019ll never go over!\u201d But to this episodes credit it doesn\u2019t opt for that predictable joke, and rightly so, because Shakespeare\u2019s writing is beyond even pedestrian opinion of twentieth-century hacks. Shakespeare is such a spiritual experience, that I think making a joke out of his acceptance would fail to make the satirical point of \u201cHah! Look what I did! I pointed out the stupidity of television executives! Hah!\u201d Instead the only point one would be making is how tragically misunderstood the episode was regarding Shakespeare\u2019s creativity and ability to stand the test of time.<\/p>\n
But other clich\u00e9s abound. From beginning to end, Jack Weston\u2019s blathering writer Julius Moomer, constantly spewing out screenplay ideas to his agent and whoever else will listen feels overly jokey and unreal, but worse is the fact that the ideas he spits out aren\u2019t very funny as jokes pointing out his terribleness. For instance one of the ideas in a long list he vomits out is a western \u201cwhere the president of the Western Pacific Railroad turns out to be Belle Starr.\u201d I suppose that she was a train robber makes that ironic, but as a joke it\u2019s flat. And some don\u2019t even aim anywhere near a joke: \u201cBoy Meets Girl! Every week we have a different boy and a different girl!\u201d\u2026Huh? And then, there\u2019s even an idea he mentions that is supposed to be stupid, but actually when you pause and consider it, you may feel like I did, that there may actually be something there, i.e. \u201cthis dame who marries a guy\u2026but it turns out he\u2019s dead\u2014all the time they\u2019re married, she don\u2019t know he\u2019s dead!\u201d That idea is actually intriguing! And so does the idea about the \u201clady scientist who falls in love with a robot\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not bad, but Serling doesn\u2019t seem to have a solid grasp on what the good ideas are which are the bad ones. Which might explain why despite so many excellent episodes in the Twilight Zone pantheon, there sure are a lot of clunkers.<\/p>\n
Tasked with writing a screenplay about black magic, Moomer visits a book shop to learn what he can for the assignment. Magically, a book on the black arts flies off the shelf at his feet. He buys it, takes it home, and despite all his attempts at conjuring, nothing happens. Not until he gives up and sits at his typewriter sighing \u201cWhat do they think I am, William Shakespeare?\u201d And it is then that Shakespeare appears. Now why is that? What did Moomer do? At least in \u201cI Dream of Genie\u201d which I wrote about last week, the lead character actually rubbed the genie lamp to instigate the appearance.<\/p>\n
Anyway, Moomer makes the wise decision not to waste this opportunity on the black magic episode. He has Shakespeare go ahead and write his own idea, and sure enough the bard pounds out a masterpiece called \u201cThe Tragic Cycle.\u201d I would however like to know how he managed to master the \u201cwriting machine\u201d as he called it upon seeing a typewriter for the first time. Well, we can chalk that up to black magic as well.<\/p>\n
Also why would Moomer be surprised that Shakespeare never heard of Ingrid Bergman? Is Moomer THAT stupid?<\/p>\n
Julius turns in Shakespeare\u2019s piece to his agent who says, \u201cIt\u2019s written so beautifully\u201d in the meeting with the producers. They call Julius into the office and after some corny dialogue about sponsorship (to pad out this episode\u2019s length?) they ask Julius to sit down and read the screenplay to them. But\u2026didn\u2019t they all read it already?<\/p>\n
The script is so well-received that Moomer becomes a celebrity, giving TV interviews. As Shakespeare watches the interview on TV from Moomer\u2019s apartment he can\u2019t help but roll his eyes at Moomer\u2019s inanity, and honestly, Weston\u2019s shtick really does become tiring. When he returns home, Shakespeare confronts him, disgusted with Moomer\u2019s prancing, and since he\u2019s completed his task he announces he will now take his leave. What task though? He was never actually summoned, was he? Julius says he\u2019ll make him a \u201chousehold name\u201d to which Shakespeare counters that he knows he already is one. He also announces that tomorrow he is going to observe the rehearsal of his work, and he storms out, which of course freaks out Moomer.<\/p>\n
At the next day\u2019s rehearsal, Julius explains Shakespeare\u2019s presence by telling the assembled that he\u2019s Julius\u2019s mad cousin who believes that he is William Shakespeare.<\/p>\n
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<\/a>Rocky as Brando. Or what? A representative of actors who studied the Stanislavski method? Why does this episode posit that these two hold a mutual disdain for each other? Does this episode view itself as a cursory examination of two different acting styles, that it assumes are rivals? How sadly little this episode knows then about actors and acting. Unhappily it seems to engage that tired old clich\u00e9 about actors working in either \u201cexterior\u201d or \u201cinterior\u201d approaches to their craft. Is this episode pitting a classical style represented by Shakespeare against a Method style shown by Rhoades\/Brando? I wish that instead the episode took a more respectable viewpoint in acknowledging that the Stanislavskians held Shakespeare in enormous respect, and that if Shakespeare were alive today that he would have marveled at the work of Meryl Streep, Al Pacino, and yes, Marlon Brando. But instead, this scene ends with an irate Shakespeare punching Rhoades across the face sending him sprawling as Shakespeare exits.<\/p>\n