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<\/a>By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist\/cardiologist<\/strong><\/p>\nMuch to the chagrin of Sir Galahad, the brilliant Siberian Husky who cares for the entire Curmudgeon Household, and thus oversees everything; Doctor Curmudgeon has been making noise about resuming her unpopular question and answer column. This column had been published in an unsuspecting Miami newspaper, unedited because the editor of the advice column had been hysterically searching for filler for his page. The column was also done in real time as the physician spoke with people who sent her queries.<\/p>\n
Yes, indeed, Doctor Curmudgeon spoke with her \u201creaders\u201d as she typed their question and her answers. Sir Galahad had even more concerns about this as her tone could be less than congenial
\nAnd her typing went straight to the poor, new editor, who immediately published them.
\n————————————————————————————
\nPERSON: \u201cDoc, I really need some advice.
\nCURMUDGEON; \u201cSo, continue. Isn\u2019t that why you called?\u201d
\nPERSON: \u201cit\u2019s the nose stuff I\u2019m using. My nose hurts and it\u2019s bleeding. Help!\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cSo, stop using it. Call the physician who prescribed it.\u201d
\nPERSON: \u201cOh no, Doc. Nobody prescribed it. You certainly aren\u2019t up to date! It\u2019s all over the Internet\u2026 that if you put hand sanitizer up your nose, you don\u2019t have to wear a mask and it stops you from getting COVID.\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cYou are an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n
SECOND PRESON: \u201cSo glad to talk with you Doc. My right hip\u2019s been hurting for the past two weeks. And it\u2019s worse when I sit down.
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cWhat happened two weeks ago? Did you fall? Slip on your dirty kitchen floor? Get bitten by your irritable dog who\u2019s been walked less?\u201d
\nSECOND PERSOND: \u201cNone of that.\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cGet a heavy package in the mail that you had to pick up?\u201d
\nSECOND PERSON: \u201cNothing heavier than a new wallet in the mail. Didn\u2019t do anything heavier than stuff junk into it. Pain started that night.\u201d<\/p>\n
CURMUDGEON: \u201cIs it now thicker than your old wallet? Is it in your right back pocket?\u201d
\nSECOND PERSON: \u201cYeah\u2026and that\u2019s a dumb question for a supposedly smart doc!\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cYou, too, are an idiot. Just take out the damn wallet. Remove 92 percent of the stuff. Stick it somewhere else. Your choice.\u201d<\/p>\n
THIRD PERSON: \u201cOh, Doctor Curmudgeon. I am one of your patients and I\u2019ve been working from home, having food delivered, wearing a mask if I go outside\u2026but I have a real problem now. My husband insists we fly to our niece\u2019s wedding in another state.\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cDon\u2019t\u201d
\nTHIRD PERSON: \u201cBut this is very important, he says. And he says there will only be about 150 people\u2026which is considered a small wedding in our family.\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON : \u201cYou wanted my advice? Here it is. For the second time, don\u2019t go, stay home.\u201d
\nTHIRD PERSON: \u201cBut he insists!\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cDivorce him.\u201d<\/p>\n
SECOND PERSON CALLING AGAIN: \u201cDOC, You are great!!! I cleaned out my wallet, and actually stopped stuffing it in my right back pocket and my right hip pain is gone!\u201d
\nCURMUDGEON: \u201cAnd it only took my more than fifteen thousand hours of training!\u201d
\nGently taking the phone from the curmudgeon\u2019s hands, Sir Galahad turned off the computer, removed her from the desk, escorted her to a comfortable chair, placed an Agatha Christie novel in her hands and said \u201cEnough.\u201d
\nWhispering to his retreating back, the physician whispered, \u201cHa! For THIS week!\u201d<\/p>\n
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