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<\/a>By Bethany \u201cBST2\u201d Armstrong<\/strong><\/p>\nI want you to journey with me. I\u2019ve got my safari gear on, an aging micro bus confiscated from poachers by government snipers, and an itch to deep dive the subconscious to tear free a fistful of truths. And I want you on that aging micro bus – it\u2019s Apocalypse Now, and Tremendous Trauma Safari Tours is in fact leaving the station. Pay the rifle holes in the seats no mind – didn\u2019t happen on our watch.<\/p>\n
You may have heard me mention trauma. It\u2019s kinda the most important topic on the planet right now. We are a world in crisis, and we\u2019ve been in denial about it for a very long time.<\/p>\n
But \u2013 this isn\u2019t soapbox time \u2013 there\u2019s time enough for me to cackle like Witch Hazel while violently screeching \u201cI told you sooooo!!! But you dickbiscuits never fucking listen to the behaviorist!\u201d Hopefully, there\u2019s time. Perhaps enough. For now, I\u2019m here to help.
\nIn one of my better crisis trainings, I was given permission to share this story. To signal blast it if you will.<\/p>\n
Let me draw your attention to the left. See that mangy mutt just yards away? I know it\u2019s just a canine but notice it\u2019s hungry eyes and fearful, hopeful growl? The beast has been hungry for awhile. A starving feral dog could make short work of any one of us.
\nNow who will be my volunteer for this little experiment? How about you\u2026 with the squinty pig eyes\u2026 the one who is bitching about how this safari is just Ruining your Vacation? Jill was it? Take this bone and hop out before I zap you with this cattle prod and take away all illusion of choice.<\/p>\n
Now wave the bone Jill. Wave it like your life depends on it. It probably does.<\/p>\n
Notice how the pup\u2019s attention is focused on the bone. It barely notices the plump morsel that is Jill. The bone is next meal, a stop gap to impending doom, salvation. The bone is Everything. It doesn\u2019t even notice all the fleshy bits of a bored mediocre middle-aged housewife that would be a feast for days. Stop laughing Hank, she\u2019s your wife, and you all need to hear this.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s moving closer now. He doesn\u2019t see the quaking of her thighs, the sweat on her lip, the fear seasoning the meat. It\u2019s all about the bone. Now\u2026 Throw it Jill\u2026 Quickly!<\/p>\n
Doggo chased after the bone, just as predicted. Hop back in Jill. And stop blubbering, we\u2019re not even at the good part.<\/p>\n
Hank, comfort your spouse, you\u2019re all about to get what you paid for. There\u2019s no getting off, no going back, no refunds. Dammit Jill I said to stop squealing, you\u2019re fine!<\/p>\n
See that oasis up ahead? The pride and joy of Tremendous Trauma Safari Tours, a pride of lions. And oh goody, one of them has taken interest in us. A lioness, natural born hunter, the female of the species is more deadlier than the male.<\/p>\n
Jill! Remember last time? Take another bone and go. Don\u2019t make me taze you, you snot-nosed swine.<\/p>\n
Now watch the lioness watching Jill. See Jill freeze. See Jill shake. See Jill wave wave wave the bone. Sorry Jill, old girl. Unlike the dog, the lioness is not just aware of the bone but also the jeep, the wind in the trees, the position of her cubs, the rest of the pride lounging behind her\u2026 there is not a minute detail she is not processing.<\/p>\n
The lioness is as inquisitive as the rest of the feline family. Jill is nothing more than a curiosity, the bone even less noticeable. Anyone want to put money on what happens when Jill throws the bone? It\u2019s even odds whether she mauls mewling massive Jill and drags her carcass back to the cubs, follows the bone for a little snack, decides Jill has must have many bones buried beneath her jiggly flesh and helps herself, takes a swipe at Jill for her hubris in approaching the Queen of the Jungle, or dismisses Jill as beneath her notice and returns to the pride.<\/p>\n
Any takers? No? Spoilsports.<\/p>\n
The lioness is approaching slowly, time to roll the dice and throw them bones Jill! Literally, throw the thrice-damned bone!<\/p>\n
Ah! Jill you lucky lucky twit. The lioness is bored. Hank, gather you lesser-half, we\u2019re going back to relative safety.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s the lesson we learned here today folks? Don\u2019t answer all at once now. I\u2019ll give you a hint, it\u2019s not – do not piss off people who hold your life in their hands – though that\u2019s true enough I suppose.<\/p>\n
Listen up! This was a metaphor for dealing with super traumatized people. Someone in growling, snarling, beastmode.<\/p>\n
We all have a choice when faced with a bully boss, a Trumper, a friend in meltdown, a screeching Karen. We can have the brain of the dog, only focused on the bone or one facet of what is happening – the words they\u2019re saying or movements they\u2019re making – then you miss out on nuances you need to help heal a hurt or keep yourself safe. You only react to the one stimulus.<\/p>\n
A lion brain takes in all stimuli. It knows the bone is a distraction. Sometimes the bone is a rage fit to manipulate you into compliance. Sometimes the bone is a cry for attention, for help. Sometimes the bone is a distraction from the real problem because the real problem is scary. Sometimes the bone is just waving because some asshole in a micro bus found it amusing. Sometimes the bone is boredom.<\/p>\n
When you see beyond the bone, you can take in other factors that the person is trying to communicate. You can distance yourself from being emotionally wounded from whatever is happening and move into figuring out why they want to wound you. This gives you the same advantage a lion would have over a starving mongrel. This is Important Information people! The lioness takes in all of the data and makes a decision based on what is safe, risk vs. reward, and her own desires. If you can be the lioness, aware of the surroundings, the person, the reasons behind the behavior; then you get to choose.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s power people.<\/p>\n
Now get the hell off my bus! I\u2019m a professional dammit! There are tours to give, lessons to share, and bones to distribute.<\/p>\n
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