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<\/a>By Bethany \u201cBST2\u201d Armstrong<\/strong><\/p>\nI grew up in a Pentecostal Church. We had it all; Speaking in Tongues, Dancing in the Aisles, Faith Healing, a Charismatic Cultish Leader, Waving our Hands in the Air like Jesus is gonna Care. It has given me many interesting Twists and Turns in my Downward Spiral into Existential Dread.<\/p>\n
One memory that sticks out is what my church called \u201cthe overly enthusiastic missionaries.\u201d The grown ups were talking about how missionaries in Jerusalem were converting Jews\u2026 via torture. That was the first time I heard the term \u201cwaterboarding\u201d and the first time I heard unholy glee. <\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s great! They\u2019ll get into heaven now!\u201d I avoided those adults from that moment on.
\nOne of my favorite memories was pretending to speak in tongues and watching the adults get all excited. Speaking in tongues was explained to me as \u201cThe spirit of God enters you and you speak in a language you don\u2019t know. Then the spirit goes to someone else and translates what God said through you.\u201d Every time someone would speak in tongues, another person always gave a Bible Verse. Always. God never had anything new to say. I was a little kid but my bullshit detector was already going off.<\/p>\n
I think I was around ten the first time I faked it using hums, oogas, and clicking my tongue. Impish Impulsivity is Me. As the last bloop blip click left my mouth, I was kicking myself, certain I was going to get in Big Trouble. I was visibly shaking \u2013 the Spirit of God? \u2013 when from across the church a Lady started translating. I don\u2019t recall what verse she spouted but I remember thinking \u201cwe just talked about that in Sunday School.\u201d<\/p>\n
When the faith healer came, we watched folks get \u201cslain in the spirit.\u201d They would fall down, roll around, and proclaim themselves healed. When my mother \u2013 the source of my stubbornness \u2013 went to be healed, the preacher pushed and pushed on her head, but she would not go down. When she returned to the pew, she told my dad \u201cI don\u2019t get it. He just kept pushing harder and harder.\u201d That didn\u2019t shake her Faith though\u2026 to this day she continues to pray for healing that never comes.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know for certain that there is no God. I only know that I\u2019ve never known Him. I\u2019ve cried out to Him many times in my life. I begged for healing. I pleaded for 8 straight hours on my knees for help. I tried to be a Good Girl. I prayed. I read my Bible. I memorized verses. I tried to live without sin. I did all the things I was assured would help me find God, but there was no God to be found.<\/p>\n
So now I\u2019m faced with the implications of there being No God, or at least No Loving One. That means there is No Heaven and No Hell. There is No Judgement. There is No Sin. Morality is Relative. As Hassan-i Sabb\u0101h said, \u201cNothing is True; Everything is Permitted.\u201d We\u2019re on a rock, spinning around a fireball that will eventually peter out and Nobody put us here so there\u2019s Nobody to care what we do.<\/p>\n
That also means the great Evils of the World are not Tests, the fault of Satan, or our Sinful Nature. They are Choices. There are people with the means to house the homeless, feed the hungry, fix the environment, heal the hurt\u2026. They choose not to. There are people enslaving children, abusing others, hoarding wealth, raping & murdering\u2026 by choice.<\/p>\n
I find no comfort in nihilism. Having no purpose to my existence is horrifying. All the pain I\u2019ve suffered was for nothing. All I\u2019ve done \u2013 for Good or Not \u2013 will be forgotten. I will never see my loved ones again on another plain of Existence. The Abyss, The Void, The Edge\u2026 is all that awaits. I find myself eager to rejoin it.<\/p>\n
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[AdSense-A] By Bethany \u201cBST2\u201d Armstrong I grew up in a Pentecostal Church. We had it all; Speaking in Tongues, Dancing in the Aisles, Faith Healing, a Charismatic Cultish Leader, Waving our Hands in the Air like Jesus is gonna Care. It has given me many interesting Twists and Turns in my Downward Spiral into Existential […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[25108],"class_list":["post-99083","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boxing-news","tag-gazing-into-the-abyss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99083","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=99083"}],"version-history":[{"count":-3,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99083\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=99083"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=99083"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ringsidereport.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=99083"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}