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Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Breaking News

By Geno McGahee

I am a huge fan of the original PLANET OF THE APES with Charlton Heston screaming “It’s a madhouse…a madhouse!” That is, in fact, one of my favorite movies of all time, and Nova (Linda Harrison) was extremely hot for a cave woman/mute. Heston lucked out. You would have figured that she would have been in rough shape, but this is Hollywood and in film land, a hot chick can exist amongst cavemen.

In 2001, the disaster called PLANET OF THE APES, a remake or re-imagining, directed by Tim Burton, was released. I’m not a Burton fan at all and his take on this re-imagining severely paled in comparison. It was nearly unbearable to watch, and it didn’t make any waves in the movie world, but the popular franchise still has a following…and that brings us to the 2011 RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, not to be confused with RISE OF THE SCARECROWS, an indie film released in 2008.

It takes place in modern day San Francisco, and all the apes are CGI. I like it when they either, (A) take actors and ape them up, or (B) find hairy people and make them make monkey faces, but this CGI nonsense is getting to be a little too much for me. Why not give Ambam some work? He walks like a person.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES is another example of Hollywood running out of ideas, constantly trying to recycle popular titles rather than attempting to make something fresh that could become a classic. Was it really necessary to remake ARTHUR? It is remake city in Hollywood, but thankfully for the new ape movie, it has small shoes to fill. Instead of being compared to the 1968 movie, it will be compared to the 2001 remake, and if it pales in comparison to that….well, the ape series will be officially dead.

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