Jesse’s WWE RAW Report: Hell in the Cell Aftermath
By Jesse Castleman
Raw was live from Wichita, Kansas. Nexus makes their way to the ring. Barrett leads the way as the crowd boos. The confidence is apparent within the group, since Barrett defeated Cena last night at Hell in a Cell, officially making him a member of the group. “You suck” chants commence as Barrett takes the mic. Barrett tells the crowd to simmer down. Barrett reminds us that he defeated John Cena last night, and addresses a couple of issues before introducing his newest member. Barrett reveals that Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty were behind the mystery attack last night. Barrett claims to have no part of requesting their assistance, since he does not know either of the assailants. The second issue, Barrett confronts his four stablemates as to why they would jeopardize his match by coming to ringside. But instead, Barrett would like to celebrate, and introduce John Cena.
Out walks Cena, with no music, as the crowd applauds and cheers his name. Cena enters the ring, looking defeated, and Barrett tells Cena that this is the best thing that could happen to him. Tarver confronts Cena about the jokes he’s played on him, and tells him that he’s failed! Tarver tells Cena that they have a gift for him: a Nexus armband. Cena takes it and stares Tarver down. A pause, as he contemplates, and he removes his CeNation armband and stares at the crowd. An historical moment here: and Cena puts on the Nexus armband. Heath Slater hands Cena an official statement that Nexus has prepared for him to read to the public, which Barrett tells Cena is not negotiable. Thus, Cena takes the mic and rattles off the ill-conceived statement, which includes asking his fans to stick with him, because they’re either Nexus of against us.
Barrett informs Cena that he will have his first match with Nexus tonight, and that Cena can choose his tag team partner to take on Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. Cena goes face to face with Michael Tarver and points his finger at him. Barrett makes the match official, and tells Henry and Bourne to come face their fates. And out Henry and Bourne walk, as Tarver attempts to pump Cena up.
As Nexus watches on from ringside, Cena offers Bourne his hand to shake. Bourne does, and Tarver begins to protest. Cena tells Tarver to show him the Nexus way, and tags him in. Tarver walks in and taunts Bourne, before putting a hurting on him, and asks him if he really thinks he can stop him. Cena watches on helplessly on the apron.
Back from a commercial break, and Mark Henry is kicking away at the fallen Michael Tarver. Henry puts Tarver in an arm lock and flips him over, continuing the hold as Tarver screams on the ground. Henry brings Tarver to the corner and tags Bourne in. Henry maintains the arm lock as Bourne jumps from the top rope and kicks Tarver’s arm. Tarver goes down and Bourne goes for the pin, 1, 2, Tarver kicks out. Cena sarcastically continues to hold out his hand for a tag as he watches on. Bourne applies a modified shoulder lock on Tarver, and hits a snapmare on him into a back kick. Henry tags in and stalks Tarver as he crawls for the tag. Cena pulls his hand away and Henry kicks Tarver hard in the midsection. Henry smiles and shakes his head at Cena after his shenanigans. Henry holds Tarver in a headlock, and as Tarver tries to fight out Henry punches him down. Henry walks over Tarver’s chest and tags Bourne in. Henry body slams Tarver down, then Bourne hits a fantastic standing moonsault on Tarver and pins him for a near fall. Bourne applies a wristlock on Tarver as Cena stretches out his hand again from the apron. Bourne is whipped to the corner but he boots Tarver in the face. Tarver catches Bourne and hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Bourne. Tarver goes for the tag again, and Cena pulls away and walks to the barricade to sign autographs for fans. Tarver screams but Henry waits for Tarver during the distraction to pick him up and throw him down into the World’s Strongest Slam. Cover, 1, 2, 3, and Henry and Bourne pick up the win over Tarver.
Mark Henry & Evan Bourne def. Michael Tarver & John Cena
The crowd chants for Cena as he takes the mic and says he would like to make a statement of his own. Cena says he has one motive, and that is to destroy Nexus from within: and prove that he can be Nexus and against us! With this, Cena smacks Tarver in the head with the mic, knocking him to the outside. Cena stalks Tarver now on the outside, and hits him with a clothesline like a freight train. Cena has a new look on his face, one of apathy and destruction, and he sets up the steel steps. Cena picks Tarver up now, and body slams him onto the steps. Tarver clutches his back in pain while the crowd tells Cena to do it one more time! And so Cena, appealing to the crowd, body slams Tarver onto the steps once more, then rolls him into the ring. Cena stalks his prey once more, and tackle’s Tarver’s knee. Tarver goes down and clutches his leg in pain, before Cena locks Tarver into an STF!
Blinks! Michael Cole walks to the podium to announce an email from the GM. Cena looks on from the ring, as Cole informs Cena that the stipulation was that he would join the group of Nexus if he lost at Hell in a Cell. John Cena must take direction from Nexus’s leader, Wade Barrett, just as the rest of the stable does. If Cena does not adhere to these rules, the GM, as much as he would hate to do it, would have to terminate his contract. Cena stands, stunned, in the ring, as both he and the WWE Universe take in the bad news. “Cena” chants begin as he crouches down and looks at his new Nexus armband. Cena takes his time to walk up the ramp and to the back as the crowd chants “Never give up!”
Back on Raw, Alicia Fox takes it to Natalya. Fox tries a cross body on Natalya but she catches Fox. Fox slips out and pushes Natalya into the corner and Natalya hits an elbow on Fox, then another to knock her down. Natalya locks the Sharpshooter in on Fox, who has no other choice but to tap out! Natalya makes short work of Alicia Fox. Natalya nearly defeated Michelle McCool last night for the Diva’s Championship, however Layla intentionally disqualified her co-title holder so they could retain the championship. Perhaps revenge is in order for the Hart Dynasty member?
Natalya def. Alicia Fox
Edge’s blowup on the Raw GM’s computer from last week is replayed, and we are informed that Edge is being demanded by the GM to make a public apology tonight. Guest star Johnny Knoxville, star of Jackass 3D, will be introduced next.
Knoxville is backstage promoting his movie to Gail Kim and Melina when Zack Ryder asks Johnny what’s up! Knoxville tells the girls to watch what happens to this sucker, and then he asks his bro for a high five. Ryder takes the bait, and before he knows it a giant hand flaps from behind the corner and smacks Ryder in the face. Ryder is down on the floor as Knoxville laughs away at the Jackass moment.
Cut to Cena backstage, who is holding his Nexus armband. Josh Matthews rushes up and asks Cena what he is going to do about his situation: will he join Nexus, or get fired? Cena responds that he doesn’t know, but hints that he can’t not be in the WWE, because the WWE is the only thing he knows. Before he can continue, however, he catches two men out of the corner of his eye down the hall. Cena abruptly rushes them, and they run away. Cena continues the chase, which leads him directly into Nexus’s locker room, where Barrett stops Cena and informs him that after what he’s done to Tarver, there is a lot that they need to talk about. Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty reveal their selves to be the men Cena had been chasing. Barrett says that he is glad Cena is there, and that he his big plans for his future. Cena tries to walk out, but Barrett catches him. Harris and McGillicutty exit as Barrett and his three remaining cronies smile at the shell-shocked Cena.
Atom Smash is at ringside, and Daniel Bryan is in the ring awaiting his opponent. The Celtic Warrior, Sheamus, makes his way to the ring to face the United States Champion. Sheamus takes it to Bryan in the corner to start the match. Sheamus really takes out his frustrations from his WWE Championship match loss from last night against Randy Orton. Sheamus continually knees Bryan in the head, and after so many seconds, the referee officially ends the match, disqualifying Sheamus for continuing to pummel Bryan, who is down on the canvas, unconscious. Sheamus argues with the ref, then picks Bryan up and hangs him in the Irish Curse before throwing him down into a power bomb. Sheamus stands over Bryan after the squash, then exits to a chorus of boos. The ref tends to Bryan after the match.
Daniel Bryan def. Sheamus by disqualification
Edge walks backstage, perhaps on his way to the ring for his public apology.
Cole and King reflect on this emotional night at ringside as we return from a commercial break. Cena’s backstage run-in with Nexus is replayed.
Afterwards, Michael Cole is in the ring with the Raw GM podium. Cole informs us that the Raw GM will no longer be communicating through a digital voice because of what happened last week. The GM will only be communicating via email, through Michael Cole, the voice of the WWE! Cole then reviews Edge’s blow up from last week, when he freaked out and destroyed the GM’s computer as the GM pleaded for Cole to stop the crazy-eyed superstar. Cole, on behalf of the GM, declares Edge’s actions unacceptable. Firstly, the GM would like Edge to apologize, and secondly, the GM would like to announce big news about the WWE Championship.
Edge’s music hits, and the Rated-R Superstar makes his way to the ring to face Cole and the podium. Cole reaches his hand out, but Edge refuses to shake it. Edge informs Cole that he will not apologize for anything, and that he is on a personal crusade against all things stupid. GM ruling by email: stupid. And Michael Cole: the personification of stupid since 1997. Edge would rather listen to a recording of JR than Michael Cole live. Edge says the GM hasn’t seen attitude yet.
Blinks! And Michael Cole quotes: Tonight, a 20-man over-the-top-rope battle royal will determine the new #1 Contender for the WWE Championship. The winner will face Randy Orton at Bragging Rights. Edge, however, will not be in the battle royal tonight, because the GM has traded him to Smackdown!
To this, Edge reacts thankfully, and disrespects Cole. Cole says that his “Cole-miners” love when Cole says “And I quote!” As the official voice of the WWE, Cole demands respect from Edge. Edge tempts a spear to Cole and the podium, but before he can finish…
Awesome! The Miz and Alex Riley crash the party. Miz informs Edge that he will not be spearing Michael Cole tonight. He says Cole is a visionary, and the he was the first man to realize Cole’s awesomeness. Cole trips off the podium and makes his way back to the announce table. Edge calls Miz an Edge wanna-be. Edge compares Miz’s gimmick as a knock-off of his own. Miz rebukes and says that they are nothing alike. Edge agrees, because only he has been a WWE Champion. Only he has been married on Raw. And Miz has never successfully talked to a girl on Raw, unless he counts Alex Riley. Riley tells Edge that he shouldn’t talk to the future of the WWE like that. Edge says that the Miz is awesome… at tapping out to Daniel Bryan. Miz says that he will either be competing in a WWE Championship match or be leading his Raw team to a victory against Smackdown at Bragging Rights. Miz tells Edge to say hi to all his little friends over on Smackdown, and Edge responds by telling Miz, with no offense to Johnny Knoxville, that he is the biggest jackass on Raw. Edge punches Riley down and proceeds to beat down the Miz. With both men down, Edge stalks Riley and hits the spear on him. Miz, who was playing possum, sneaks up on Edge and nails him with a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz celebrates and helps Riley to the back.
Edge is traded to Smackdown!
Wade Barrett tells Cena that he did him a big favor by getting rid of Tarver for him, as he had been trying to get rid of him for some time now. Barrett informs Cena that he will help Barrett win the battle royal tonight. Cena asks what he should do if Barrett is eliminated, and Otunga interjects that Cena should help any member of the Nexus win the match should Barrett be eliminated. Barrett doesn’t take to kindly to this, and repeats that Cena must obey Barrett’s orders, or else he will get fired.
Alberto Del Rio will go face-to-face with Rey Mysterio on Smackdown this Friday.
Back to the action, the Bella Twins await their opponents, who turn out to be LayCool. The Diva’s Champion(s) talk treason about the Bellas with their new microphones. McCool starts it off as Layla provides commentary from the apron. Another Bella tags in and hits an X-Factor on McCool, but Layla saves McCool from a crushing defeat. McCool pins one of the Bellas, but the Bella reverses the pin on McCool. Layla is confused. LayCool yells at the Bellas after the short match,
The Bella Twins def. LayCool by pinfall
Maryse confronts Knoxville backstage, saying that she knows it was he sent the love letters to her. At this, Ted DiBiase yells from the hallway, saying that he knew it was Knoxville all along. Knoxville warns DiBiase not to take another step forward, but before DiBiase can react the giant hand slaps him down to the floor. Maryse tends to Ted, and throws her shoes at Knoxville. Unfortunately, the giant hand then smacks Maryse from behind, and she too falls to the ground, on top of DiBiase. DiBiase is enraged as Knoxville runs off.
R-Truth and Eve Torres’ victory over DiBiase and Maryse from two weeks ago is replayed. The saga of love letters is revisited before Jackass 3D is previewed by Justin Roberts. Roberts then introduces Knoxville, who scampers to the ring as if to get away from DiBiase. Knoxville plugs his movie quickly before he attempts to run off, but DiBiase and Maryse make an entrance. Knoxville apologizes. DiBiase slaps Knoxville in the face now, and locks him into the Million Dollar Dream before he tosses him down. DiBiase and Maryse embrace before another cryptic message is displayed on the videotron. It reads, “You…are…mine…now!” And it’s Goldust who is the secret admirer! Goldust performs his taunt, and hits the Cross Rhodes on DiBiase and grabs a mic. Goldust informs DiBiase that it’s not him that he wants. Goldust moves to Maryse and informs her that it’s not she that he wants either. Maryse looks relieved. Goldust slithers to the Million Dollar Belt and confesses that he wants that. His music plays as he creepily snakes his way on top of the Million Dollar Belt.
Raw is presented by Deadrising 2 at the Intrust Bank Arena tonight. John Cena is the most-wished WWE Superstar by the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Cena is now a member of Nexus, and Edge has been traded to Smackdown! Goldust longs for not Maryse, not DiBiase, but the Million Dollar Belt.
Cena is sitting alone in Nexus’s locker room. David Otunga enters and tries to appeal to Cena. Otunga tries to convince Cena that Nexus is not all bad. Otunga tells Cena that while Barrett can be demanding, they can make this work. Otunga tells Cena that if he ever needs to talk, he can always talk to him. Otunga slaps Cena on the back and exits, while Cena sits alone in the locker room, seemingly contemplating something.
Replays of Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho in the head last week are shown. Chris Jericho, Cole and King announce, is out indefinitely.
The #1 Contendership Battle Royal for the WWE Championship is about to begin. John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladmir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena… his music plays as the others have entered, but he does not appear. Nexus’s music hits, and the Nexus Four, Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, and Heath Slater, plus Cena, enter the ring. Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Darren Young, Ted DiBiase, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, William Regal, Primo, The Miz, and Zack Ryder have all entered, and the Battle Royal begins!
Evan Bourne is eliminated by Sheamus
David Hart Smith is eliminated by Sheamus
William Regal is eliminated by John Cena
Santino Marella is eliminated by The Miz
Zack Ryder is eliminated by Mark Henry
Primo is eliminated by Mark Henry
Mark Henry is eliminated by Nexus
David Otunga is eliminated by John Cena
Vladmir Kozlov is eliminated by Wade Barrett
Darren Young is eliminated by Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater
Heath Slater is eliminated by John Morrison
Tyson Kidd is eliminated by John Morrison
The Miz is eliminated by John Morrison
Justin Gabriel is eliminated by R-Truth
R-Truth is eliminated by Ted DiBiase
Ted DiBiase is eliminated by Wade Barrett
John Morrison is eliminated by Wade Barrett
It’s down to Sheamus, John Cena, and Wade Barrett after John Morrison has eliminated himself by his own kick’s momentum. Cena hits a few shoulder blocks and a Five Knuckle Shuffle on Sheamus before setting him up for an Attitude Adjustment. Sheamus breaks out and hits an Irish Curse backbreaker on Cena. Sheamus misses a bro kick and falls over the top rope to the apron, and Cena knocks him off to the outside. We’re down to Cena and Barrett. Cena and Barrett stand face to face in the ring, and then Barrett orders Cena to eliminate himself. Cena stares him down as the crowd chants for him to never give up. Barrett orders Cena to take a walk again, and Cena pauses, walks up to Barrett, walks away, and walks over the top rope to the apron. Cena pauses on the apron and stares Barrett down again. If Cena doesn’t eliminate himself, he will get fired. With this, Cena hops off the apron to the outside, and Wade Barrett is deemed #1 contender.
Wade Barrett wins the battle royal; Barrett is the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship
Randy Orton’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring with the WWE Championship. Orton and Barrett circle each other before Orton holds the WWE Championship in front of Barrett. They stare each other down as Raw goes off the air.
PROPS to…
The WWE Creative Team for executing the most intriguing story line I have been subjected to since the Invasion angle. Raw has something special here—don’t screw it up!
Natalya for looking strong in her squash over former Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox. She has “it,” as she’s a joy to watch: she’s got the skill, the looks, and the momentum. She will make a great champion.
Johnny Knoxville for the giant slapping hand. Need I say more?
THREE CHEERS…
Goldust continues to positively impact WWE programming. He and William Regal do not get enough credit for the solid work they put in with some of these young wrestlers. I look forward to watching his quest for the Million Dollar Belt.
Edge! He’s funny! Congrats and good luck on Smackdown! He will have an immediate impact, and his clash with the Miz, I GUARANTEE, will propel Miz into the upper echelon of current WWE Superstars.
Raw was the most entertaining wrestling show I have seen in quite a while. New developments within these deep storylines have me hoping again, that maybe, just maybe… the WWE has come back to their senses.
MATCH OF THE NIGHT
Ted DiBiase vs. THE GIANT HAND! (DiBiase loses)
MOMENT OF THE NIGHT
John Cena officially joins Nexus, and then helps Wade Barrett become #1 Contender for Randy Orton’s WWE Championship
QUICK RESULTS
Mark Henry & Evan Bourne pin Michael Tarver & John Cena
John Cena decimates Michael Tarver in rebellion
Raw’s anonymous GM forces Cena to comply w/Nexus, or be fired
Alicia Fox submits to Natalya’s Sharpshooter
Sheamus beats Daniel Bryan into a disqualification; Bryan wins
Edge is traded to Smackdown!
The Bella Twins pin LayCool
Goldust expresses his desire for the Million Dollar Belt
John Cena reluctantly helps Wade Barrett win #1 Contender’s battle royal
Wade Barrett and Randy Orton stare each other down