John Cena, Randy Orton, Christian & CM Punk: Capitol Punishment WWE AFTERMATH
By Sean Farrell
Well folks, WWE Capitol Punishment PPV was interesting to say the least. I have never witnessed a PPV event where everything imaginable happened, but not necessarily in a good way. There was a point I thought this was the worst PPV ever, then CM Punk had his match and that kept from being that. One thing I have to say though is I am impressed with the push WWE is giving Ezekiel Jackson, never have I heard an entire arena chant USA! USA! For a man not even from the United States, but I guess with the WWE hype machine behind you it doesn’t matter and I am happy for “Big Zeke”. I will not be spoiling the results in this intro, but they are below for everyone who missed it.
WWE United States Championship Match
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
Kofi and Ziggler had a good opening match. The finish was a little bland as in the end, Ziggler attempted to hit Zig-Zag, but Kofi held onto the ropes. Vickie Guerrero then raked her fingernails into Kofi’s head, allowing Ziggler to lock Kofi into a sleeper. He held onto it for a while, before Kofi eventually passed out.
Dolph Ziggler defeated Kofi Kingston (c) to become the new WWE United States Champion
R-Truth or as I call him R-Trizzuth is shown backstage and runs into Eve. He tells her that the “champ is here” for shizzle. Eve says she doesn’t know who he even is anymore, Truth goes off and leaves.
The Miz cuts a promo saying that after tonight, Alex Riley will go back to carrying bags. That match is next and it was EXCELLENT! for two guys who get minimal ring time.
Alex Riley vs. The Miz
The Miz went to the ring first. Riley was out second to a big pop in his hometown of Washington D.C.
The Miz dominated the opening moments of the match and put a beatdown on Riley and manages to get a couple of solid two counts along the way. Miz kept punishing Riley, but Riley would keep surviving and kicking out at two.
Riley finally caught a break when Miz charged at him in a corner and Riley moved, sending Miz crotch-first into the post. Riley then tackled Miz and started taking it to him. Riley nailed a spinebuster for a two count (This is the first of many stolen moves by Riley). Riley continued to take advantage and took the beating outside of the ring. Riley threw Miz into the announce table and Michael Cole started yelling at Riley, Riley pulled Cole over the announce table and through him down. The distraction allowed Miz to kick Riley in the gut and throw him into the ring. Miz got the briefcase, then the referee tried to take it from him. As the ref was getting rid of the briefcase, Riley hit Miz with Gangrel’s old finisher the Impaler DDT and got the pin. Decent match though, Riley’s new theme is incredible but it doesn’t fit him though and it’s sad to say but it may get him over with a revamped look.
Alex Riley defeated The Miz
Riley celebrated in the ring after the match while the Miz lay dejected outside of the ring.
Sgt. Slaughter was shown backstage talking to a President Obama look-alike(They did this throughout the show and I was just annoyed by using an imposter). They did some campy bits, and Vickie Guerrero came in and started hitting on the President while singing like Marylin Monroe(Kinda funny but I am a fan of Vikki she isn’t fat in my eyes) Guerrero was escorted away by the “secret service” and Slaughter said that it looked like she “got carried away.” HORRIBLE PUN but great to see the Sarge again.
They recap the Big Show – Alberto Del Rio angle, and that match is next. This is where the WWE had it’s HOLY S*** MOMENT.
Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio started heading to the ring first. Before he could get far down the ramp, he got ambushed by Big Show. Show beat Del Rio down to the ringside area and tossed him around a bit. Show threw Del Rio in the ring, only to get attacked by Mark Henry. Henry threw Show into the announce table. He then grabbed the Big Show picked him up like a piece of tissue paper held him and taunted the crowd and delivered the most monstrous World’s Strongest Slam EVER through the announce table! Henry looked like he was leaving snickered and came back and started ramming Show’s left leg into the table he picked Big Show up by his ankle and slammed his knee into the table before leaving.
Del Rio is in the ring asking the referee to start the count for the count out. Show was having difficulty getting back to his feet outside of the ring, obviously. The referee started the count and Show got back in the ring at 7. Show is in the ring and the bells rings, so the match is now officially underway.
Show starts off strong, but eventually the injured leg allows Del Rio to take the advantage. Del Rio punished Show’s leg with his MMA background, using leg kicks and knee bars but ran into a chokeslam from Show, which hurt Show as well because of his leg. Del Rio rolled out of the ring as the referee started the count. Del Rio went to the top and tried to attack Show, but was met with another chokeslam attempt, but Del Rio kicked Show’s leg to escape.
Del Rio applies the knee bar on Show’s leg, and Show is writhing in pain. Show finally made it to the ropes, forcing Del Rio to break the hold. Show is having difficulty making it to his feet. He finally does, but collapses. The ref then calls the match and Del Rio celebrates.
Alberto Del Rio defeated The Big Show after Show could no longer continue in the match.
Show is helped to the back after the match while Del Rio claps in the ring.
R-Truth is backstage with the belt asking a photographer to take a pic with him and the belt right now. The photographer points out that the belt says “John Cena” on the nameplate and Truth grabs him by the face and says that he is going to beat Cena.
A promo for the new Nitro DVD aired.
Wade Barrett is being interviewed in the back. He takes the mic and starts cutting a promo while walking to the ring talking about how he doesn’t like Washington D.C., and the city needs a king or a queen. He rips on Anthony Weiner’s resignation, the national debt and the education system. He continues to rip on the U.S. and calls it a hollow shell, like Ezekiel Jackson. Jackson’s music hits(Which is a song I listen to everyday), and this match is underway.
Intercontinental Championship Match
Wade Barrett (c) vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Loud “USA” chants to start the match this is what baffled me as neither man is a U.S. native… Jackson used his power to dominate the opening moments of the match. Barrett is able to kick “Big Zeke” in the leg and turn the tide. He hits a sideslam for a two count.
Barrett continues his offense, and gets several two counts. Jackson is able to nail Barrett with a series of clotheslines, but Barrett is able to thwart Jackson’s bodyslams and hits Wasteland, but Jackson kicks out at two. Barrett dropped forearms to Jackson’s head, but Jackson is able to catch a kick and nails his succession of bodyslams. He then applied the torture rack, forcing Barrett to tap. Below average match but great for Jackson as he is wayyyyyy over with the crowd.
Ezekiel Jackson defeated Wade Barrett (c) to become the new Intercontinental Champion.
Jackson celebrated with the belt after the match. Jerry Lawler comes into the ring and asks Jackson how it feels to be the new IC champion. Jackson says “it’s awesome, it’s great.” He said that in his life he’s going to prove that the most important things are “liberty and the personification of domination.”
A promo for the WWE’s anti-bullying campaign aired.
More goofy stuff in the back with “The President”, Beth Phoenix, Santino Marella and Kelly Kelly. Marella ask “The President” if he would like to see his cobra? “The President” pauses and Santino corrects himself and then is showing “The President” how to do the cobra, but before he got far, he gets tacked by the Secret Service.
Josh Matthews interviews CM Punk backstage. Punk rips DC and “all politicians.” He says that he is a politician, but tells the truth unlike everyone else. He says Rey Mysterio is a liar, and that he’s the only honest one here. He says after he beats Mysterio, he’s going to go on to do the “most honest thing that the WWE has ever seen” and walks off…. And then like a lightning bolt it hit me…CM Punk is Jake “The Snake” Roberts all over again with his cerebral ability to entertain.
Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk
We’ll see if Punk’s streak of not having a PPV win in over a year continues…
After a hot start by Rey, Punk took the advantage and dominated the early part of the match. Punk wore Mysterio down with a body scissors. Anytime Mysterio would get something going, Punk would mow Mysterio down. The crowd is pretty quiet for this match.
Mysterio is finally able to send Punk outside of the ring and then nail a moonsault. Mysterio gets Punk back in the ring and climbs to the top rope and delivers a diving headbutt to Punk’s chest. He hits a crossbody, but Punk reversed and got a two count. Punk and Mysterio then go through a quick exchange of holds and reversals before Mysterio plants Punk with a kick. Mysterio then goes to the top, but is met by Punk who delivers a back suplex from the top rope and gets a two count. Punk hits a running knee, but misses a shoulder first charge into the corner. Mysterio hits a 619, sending Punk to the outside. Mysterio gets Punk back in the ring, climbs to the top rope and comes off for a splash, but is met by Punk’s knees. Punk gets a two count and then signals for a GTS. Punk got him up, but Mysterio countered with a hurricarana for a two count.
Punk hits a big kick for another two count. Punk goes for another GTS, Mysterio counters again and goes for a 619 but Punk catches him and finally delivers the GTS and gets the three count. Great finish…
CM Punk defeated Rey Mysterio.
A recap of the Randy Orton – Christian match is shown, and that match is up next.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian
Orton entered the ring first, with Christian coming in next laughing while making his way to the ring. The announcements are made and we’re off.
Orton dominates the early portion of the match. Christian was able to turn the tide, and worked Orton over with a spinebuster and punches to the head. Orton sold his concussion throughout the match, and the story of the match was how much damage was being done to Orton’s head.
Orton hit a superplex at one point for a two count. Shortly after, Orton was able to hit the DDT on the ropes, and then signaled for the RKO. Before he could hit it, Christian dropped Orton to the mat and got a two count.
Christian then went for a spear, but Orton dodged. Orton missed an RKO and Christian nailed Orton with a spear, but only got a two count. Orton rocked Christian with a drop kick. Christian was able to hit Orton with a kick to the head. As he tried to follow up, Orton hit an RKO out of nowhere and got the pin. Really good match these two are something special to watch when they work together.
Orton defeated Christian to retain the World Heavyweight Championship.
After the match Christian complained to the ref that his foot was under the ropes, which it was so the pin shouldn’t have counted. While he was complaining, Orton nailed him with a belt shot. Orton then celebrated with the belt and if can read lips politely tells Christian “Paybacks a B*tch.”
A promo for Money In The Bank aired.
A recap of the John Cena and R-Truth feud is shown.
Jack Swagger’s music hits and there is a special “bonus attraction.” Which took the PPV down further in my opinion, these guys are mid carders why are they 2nd to last? There was alot of bad booking for this event and it was clearly visible.
Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne
Both guys worked hard, but the crowd was dead for the match, this was expected seeing the placement on the card…again bad booking. Swagger dominated the majority of the match using his obvious size advantage.
Late in the match, Swagger hit the Swagger Bomb from the second rope, but got a two count. Bourne would manage to get in spurts of offense, only for Swagger to get back in control. Swagger was able to plant a big boot in Bourne’s face for a two count. He placed Bourne on the second rope and they traded punches. Bourne hit a flying DDT, but only got a two count.
Bourne hit Swagger in the head with a pair of kicks but missed the shooting star press. After a series of reversals, Swagger went for an ankle lock and Bourne was able to roll Swagger up and get the three count.
Evan Bourne defeated Jack Swagger.
Another promo for RAW aired.
This is the worst time spent watching PPV ever and this next segment is the only reason why…
“Barack Obama” is introduced to the crowd. I do have to say, the impersonator does a good job, but the material sucks. “Obama” talks about how he watches RAW every Monday night, and states that he is not the anonymous GM. He wishes John Cena and R-Truth luck, and calls Truth the Joe Biden of WWE. He asks who’s ready for the main event and then thanks everyone and heads off to the back.
Booker T stops him and asks “Obama” to come to the ring. Booker says it’s a pleasure to meet him and talks about how he has made history being the first black man elected President, and being the first President to receive the Nobel Peace Prize… but can you do “the spinaroonie.” Booker does the spinaroonie. Booker asks the crowd if they want to see the “Barack-a-roonie.” “Obama” then does a “spinaroonie” and this segment is mercifully over… I think there was a point I actually considered scratching out my eyes during this segment, but then I would still be able to hear it and that was the awful part.
WWE Championship Match
John Cena (c) vs. R-Truth
Both R-Truth and Cena received mixed reactions during the ring introductions, although Cena received more boos. Loud dueling “Let’s Go Cena” / “Cena Sucks” chants to start the match, the sucks were winning by the way.
The match is back-and-forth early on. Truth at one point hit the corkscrew elbow for a two count. He followed up with a running clothesline for another two count. Truth worked Cena over with punches and nailed Cena with a clothesline shortly after. The match is really slow early on like any Cena match with the challenger always carying him into his Pokemon arsenal of attacks.
Truth locked in a body scissors but Cena was able to break out, only to be knocked down again. Truth continued to punish Cena.
Cena was able to dodge a leg drop and turned the tide. Cena hit the five knuckle shuffle and went for the AA, but Truth reversed and got a two count. Truth lunged at Cena and missed, and Cena locked in the STF but Truth made the ropes. Truth kicked Cena in the gut and hit a scissor kick for a two count.
Truth managed to get another close two count and Cena rolled out of the ring. Truth went outside and started messing with the fans, and took a kid’s Cena hat and started drinking his soda. The kid then threw the soda in Truth’s face and Cena came to save the day as usual…(I almost puked) and Cena threw Truth in the ring and followed up with an AA and got the win.
Terrible match, unless you’re a kid or die hard Cena fan nothing he does in the ring without a mic is watchable.
John Cena defeated R-Truth to retain the WWE Championship.
After the match, Cena brought the kid in the ring with him to celebrate… And this was when I knew it was time to watch the last episode of Game of Thrones which was my ENTERTAINMENT for the evening. If you’re a wrestling company just wrestle, if you’re an Entertainment company simply entertain, but when you do neither what am I watching exactly?