The Summer Blockbusters: The Take on Grown Ups, Toy Story III, The Twilight Saga, and Predators
By Geno McGahee
I rarely go to the movies, but I watch movies quite regularly. My reasons for not attending movies are a combination of things, including the price of the ticket and the 10 dollars that they want for popcorn. The last movie I saw, TOY STORY III, they had this deal. If you buy the enormous 50 pound bucket of popcorn and gallon of soda for twenty bucks, they’d give you free refills on both. Who can eat and drink all of that? It’s a scam! And should I mention 5 dollars for M&Ms? Another reason for my rare visits to the cinemas are the rude people with their cell phones, laser pointers, pointless conversations, and occasional body odor. This is why I go to the matinee…you tend to avoid 80% of that.
There was a time when summer blockbusters meant something and I now present to you a list of some movies with either a preview or a review.
In Theaters
GROWN UPS
Synopsis: Five men who were best friends when they were young kids and now are getting together for the Fourth of July weekend to meet each others’ families for the first time.
There was a time when Saturday Night Live was funny and the mid 1990s was not that time, but the group that made up a lot of that cast, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider came together to make this movie called “GROWN UPS.” Added to the cast is the incredibly hot Salma Hayek, playing Sandler’s wife. Have you noticed that Sandler keeps making the hottest women in the world his wives in his movies and he is one of the oddest looking people on the planet? He did it here, in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and in Click. He is full of himself and that is annoying, but Schneider’s continual chants of “you can do it,” in every Sandler movie doesn’t make me want to see this any more than I already do, which I don’t.
Added to the cast is the King of Queens, Kevin James. James can be funny, but not with Sandler he cannot. In the trailer, they show the group of men urinating while swimming in a pool. It is another lame/gross out movie from Sandler. I’d advise passing on this one.
TOY STORY III
Synopsis: Woody and Buzz had accepted that their owner Andy would grow up someday, but what happens when that day arrives? In the third installment, Andy is preparing to depart for college, leaving his loyal toys troubled about their uncertain future.
I didn’t see the first two until recently, but I became a fan quickly. The stories are great and the visuals are very good. It’s a really impressive achievement in all three cases and with Tim Allen and Tom Hanks doing the voices, the characters Buzz Lightyear and Woody come to life. In the third entry, we are treated to Lotso, the bear that runs the daycare center. It’s as good as the first two and not just for children.
THE KARATE KID
Synopsis: A young boy, recently moved to Beijing with his mother, learns to stand up for himself with the help of a martial arts mentor.
Do they have to remake every single good movie from the 1980s? And I’m not a fan of Will Smith or any of his family members and to buy this movie and cast his son in the lead role is irritating to me. Get Ralph Macchio again! If you’re going to make another movie, have him turn on his mentor and beat the holy hell out of Mr. Miyagi. That would be a good movie. I won’t even watch this one because it’s not the Karate Kid dammit!
THE A TEAM
Synopsis: A colorful team of former Special Forces soldiers were set up for a crime they did not commit. Going “rogue,” they utilize their unique talents to try and clear their names and find the true culprit.
I don’t care what that idiot Roger Ebert says. This film is actually rather good and you cannot really go wrong with Liam Neeson, as he played Hannibal. He was outstanding in TAKEN and he was the best choice for the lead in this flick. Actually, every role was filled well and it brought back the spirit of the original series. Don’t listen to Ebert…the guy is miserable. He’s been negative for years. This movie is very good.
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE
Synopsis: In the midst of a string of mysterious killings, Bella is forced to choose between her love for Edward and her friendship with Jacob.
This came in top spot this week and not a surprise. Young chicks like this sort of thing. They like the mysterious gothic sort of movie that isn’t too scary or gory, and deals with love. I have no inclination to see this movie, but I have heard good things about it. I saw some zombies walking out of a lake in one trailer and some big dogs/werewolves too. I’m not sure what it’s about, but if you are 17 or under and female, I’m sure you will love it. It stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, and Ashley Greene.
Opening this Week…
PREDATORS
Synopsis: Royce, a mercenary, reluctantly leads a group of elite warriors who come to realize they’ve been brought together on an alien planet… as prey. With the notable exception of a disgraced physician, they are all cold-blooded killers — mercenaries, Yakuza, convicts, death squad members — human “predators” that are now being systemically hunted and eliminated by a new breed of alien Predators.
Since the initial PREDATOR, there hasn’t been one good movie in this series. PREDATOR II with Danny Glover was horrible, but its great compared to the couple of ALIEN VS. PREDATOR movies that Hollywood has produced. Now we have a new one and it sounds like garbage and the trailer didn’t do it any favors. Perhaps if they combined this movie and GROWN UPS, we’d have something. I would like to see the Predators tear up those unfunny rejects.