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The Expendables: Rocky, The Terminator, The Transporter, The Wrestler & Ivan Drago Return

By Geno McGahee

This weekend, THE EXPENDABLES opens featuring an all star cast…well, an all action star cast. Sylvester Stallone, known mostly as “Rocky” and “Rambo” and some even note him as “Cobra” or “The guy with the mom that has a gun,” will star and direct this flick concerning an elite crew of bad asses, specializing in destruction and helping those that cannot help themselves.

The list of actors in this movie makes it a must see for every guy on this planet, especially those my age or somewhere around my age that grew up with these guys. Here’s a question though…where’s Chuck Norris? His continual religious mumbo jumbo may be a turn off for the rest of the cast. Talk about the time you beat up the monster in “THE HERO AND THE TERROR.” That is much more interesting then your religious stuff or that splits machine that you advertise that no man should use. Chance of sack rippage: 63%.

We have Ivan Drago back again. Dolph Lundgren has taken a hiatus from those great movies (sarcasm) that he has been putting out straight to video. He and Steven Seagal are the kings of bad action films of late, and they both were good at one time. What happened? Well, Seagal is now writing and directing…there’s a big problem. Lundgren…ever since he stopped wearing that loin cloth in MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE and stopped speaking with a Russian accent, he’s gone downhill, although UNIVERSAL SOLDIER was rather bad ass.

We have a few more oldies but goodies in this as well, including Arnold Schwarzenegger. He has been “THE TERMINATOR,” “THE RUNNING MAN,” and had a “TOTAL RECALL,” and he has been the most hands during his movies with the actresses. Remember when the newspapers called him “THE SPERMINATOR?” Holy shit that was great. He has a cameo in the movie and he works alongside Bruce Willis, the man in the DIE HARD franchise. I even like the 4th entry of that series and I even liked him in BLIND DATE.

Mickey Rourke, “THE WRESTLER” is also a part of the movie and he has rejuvenated his career as of late with that grappling flick and his villain role in IRON MAN 2. Rourke is likable and a little bit off, but seems like a really great guy from what I’ve seen. He even stuck up for Mel Gibson…another missing actor in this movie.

Where’s Mel? Gibson was great in RANSOM and would fit right in. Just have him scream something and you have good TV. The media knows it and that is why they keep playing his crazy rants.

Jet Li is part of this, but I am not a fan of his. I have seen a lot of his work but he isn’t the type of action guy that appeals to me. He does, however, appeal to a great deal of people, so he is in it too, along with “THE TRANSPORTER” guy, Jason Statham. At least participating in this movie prevents him from filming another one of those God awful movies. Why is Statham such a star? I don’t like his movies. He did CRANK and CRANK II and I thought those blew too. Are his movies geared at women? Are they meant to get women excited rather then get men in a fighting mood, or am I just out of touch and stuck in the 80s? I don’t know the answer.

We have a real fighter, MMA guy, Randy Couture, and a fake fighter, former WWE Heavyweight Champion “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in the mix. I used to like Austin back in the 1990s when he was saying “Oh hell yeah,” and stunning random people, but his movie career has not been that impressive. Then again, the WWE has a history of making horrible movies. Have you seen SEE NO EVIL with the wrestler “Kane?” It is terrible!

I did like NO HOLDS BARRED though. It’s not on DVD…which is a shame, but featured Hulk Hogan as “Rip,” facing off against “The Human Wrecking Machine” Zeus. Good freaking movie by the WWE, but they could not find the magic again. Austin has potential but needs a good script.

Finally, we have Eric Roberts from BEST OF THE BEST I and II…or you may remember him from “THE DARK KNIGHT,” but I remember him from the former. Roberts is really underrated and way better than his sister, Julia Roberts. They should have gotten Eric to play PRETTY WOMAN, right? OK, maybe not, but he should have been involved in better movies than NATURE OF THE BEAST.

I didn’t see Jean Claude Van Damme here either. He’s into this religious stuff now too and maybe he’s too preachy. I like Van Damme. I picked up KICKBOXER on Blu Ray for 10 bucks. How can you beat that? Unfortunately, the high definition and my high definition TV leaves little to the imagination during his fight with Tong Po. Put on some pants Jean Claude!

The cast for THE EXPENDABLES is great on paper…better than great on paper. Now let’s see if they can deliver the goods again. I think this will be like the A TEAM on steroids (literally in some cases). From the trailer, it looks like a can’t miss, and maybe the critics won’t love it, but the fans will speak loudly. I just hope that Rock and Drago can bury the hatchet and get along for the betterment of the movie. I can imagine Apollo Creed looking on from the other side: “You’re friends with that murderer Rock? @#@% You!”

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