WWE Monday Night RAW Results: Larry the Cable Guy, Survivor Series Fallout, Surprise Returns

By Sean Farrell

RAW opens with the Sting vignette and his debut at Survivor Series.

We go to the ring as Triple H and Stephanie McMahon make their way out to boos.

Stephanie says they expected this kind of reaction. She says none of the fans know about being a leader and that Team Authority would have won if it weren’t for Sting. Stephanie gets emotional and Triple H gets angry. He addresses Sting and isn’t sure why Sting has decided to get in their business. Triple H says maybe it was an attempt to stand in a ring for 30 seconds with him making Sting relevant again somehow. Triple H adds that Sting’s first night in a WWE ring was his last. Triple H says without The Authority, there is no Dolph Ziggler, no John Cena, no Ryback, no other Superstars and no fans. Triple H promises that fans will beg for them back. They go to leave and Daniel Bryan’s music hits!!! Bryan comes out to a “yes!” chant and ridiculous pop.

Bryan does a “yes!” chant in Triple H and Stephanie’s face while in the ring. They leave and Bryan taunts them the whole way up the entrance with a “yes!” chant. Bryan returns to the ring and continues the celebration.

Bryan says it feels good to be here and felt good kicking The Authority out of the ring. Bryan says he’s in charge of running RAW tonight. Bryan brings out Team Authority -Seth Rollins, Joey Mercury, Jamie Noble, Kane, WWE United States Champion Rusev, Lana, Mark Henry and WWE Intercontinental Champion Luke Harper. Bryan says he’s not a spiteful guy, he’s fair and is going to prove it. Bryan makes Rollins and two partners vs. John Cena and Dolph Ziggler. Fans get to vote on the WWE App and their options are – Henry & Harper, Henry & Kane or Mercury & Noble.

Bryan addresses Kane next. Bryan asks fans if Kane should continue to be Director of Operations and a “no!” chant starts. Bryan says Kane is no longer going to be Director. Bryan says Kane’s new title should be Director of Food & Beverage. Instead of Corporate Kane, he will now be Concessions Kane. Bryan calls for a hair net and a tray to be brought out to Kane. Bryan sends Kane off to sell popcorn and hot dogs.

Bryan addresses Rusev next. either he competes in a battle royal with all the other Superstars with his title on the line, or he come down to the ring with an American flag hanging to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Lana and Rusev storm off. Bryan then makes Harper vs. Dean Ambrose. Harper leaves and Henry follows but Bryan stops him. Bryan says Ryback asked for a match against Henry to avenge his WrestleMania loss and he’s going to get it. Bryan mocks Henry and says this match is next.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

Henry approaches the ring where Bryan is but Ryback’s music hits and he runs out. They brawl on the ramp. Ryback sends Henry into the apron and the ring post. Ryback works over Henry. Ryback takes it to the corner and hits shoulder thrusts. Henry shoves Ryback across the ring and runs him over. Ryback gets up and slams Henry. Ryback yells “it’s feeding time!” and fans chant “feed me more.” Ryback nails the Meathook clothesline for the win.

Winner: Ryback

Stephanie, Triple H and Vince McMahon are seen backstage. Stephanie apologizes for letting him down and making him angry. Vince said he isn’t angry, he’s just disappointed. He put insurmountable odds in front of them because that’s what they will face in a corporate setting. Vince says they failed and he doesn’t like that feeling. Vince asks them how the people made them feel and says never forget that because some how, some way they will fix this. Vince laughs at them for being sorry. Stephanie says she really is sorry and Vince snaps at her. He says he’s never been sorry for anything but will be sorry for having to spend Thanksgiving with them. Vince orders them in the limousine and they drive off.

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper

Harper takes Ambrose to the corner, but Ambrose turns it around and beats on Harper. Harper fights out of the corner and takes control. Harper works over Ambrose and controls the pace. Ambrose comes back but its brief. Ambrose tries for another comeback but Harper drops him for a 2 count then the gator roll. Harper tosses Ambrose to the floor. Harper tosses Ambrose hard into the barrier. Harper throws Ambrose back in the ring but Ambrose hits a huge clothesline to the floor. Ambrose takes control and goes for a bulldog but misses. Harper hits a big headbutt. Ambrose counters a suplex attempt on the apron. Ambrose with a headbutt now. Ambrose runs and dropkicks Harper while he’s wrapped up in the ropes. Ambrose goes to the second rope for a leg drop across the back of Harper’s neck. Ambrose with a 2 count.

The two continue to go back and forth. Harper grabs his title and goes to leave but Ambrose dives out of the ring and knocks him into the barrier. Ambrose brings the match back in the ring. Harper blocks Dirty Deeds and shoves Ambrose into the referee. The referee calls for the bell.

Winner by DQ: Dean Ambrose

Harper drops Ambrose. Ambrose goes to the floor and Harper tries to dive out but runs into a big right hand. Ambrose throws a steel chair in the ring and stomps on Harper’s hand. Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds on the chair. Ambrose brings a ladder and a table from under the ring. Before he can get back in the ring, Bray Wyatt attacks from behind and beats Ambrose up. Wyatt hits Sister Abigail in front of the announce table and then tosses Ambrose over it. Wyatt buries Ambrose under the announcers chairs and steel chairs. Wyatt stands on top of the announce table and drops another chair onto the pile. Fans boo. Wyatt’s music hits and he poses on top of the table.

Santino Marella makes his return and introduces his Jingle All The Way 2 co-star Larry The Cable Guy, who is oddly dressed to wrestle. Santino says they’re not here to wrestle. Santino asks if Larry has any wrestling experience. Larry says he beat up Savage one night in Florida. Santino asks if he meant Macho Man Randy Savage? Larry said “No, it was Fred Savage at a buffet”. They are interrupted by Goldust and Stardust, who head to the ring.

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Stardust and Goldust vs.Damien Sandow and The Miz

The new WWE Tag Team Champions Damien Sandow and The Miz are out next. We get a video with The Miz gloating. The Miz has both titles on his shoulders and Sandow has replicas over his.

Miz gets sent into the steel steps and a trainer checks on him. The end comes when Sandow does everything but Miz hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Stardust for the pin.

Winners: The Miz and Damien Sandow

Sandow and Miz go to the corners to celebrate, Sandow gets cheered but Miz gets booed.

Kane is working the concession stand. A girl walks up and says she’s his manager. She says Kane is being kept away from the deep fryer because he likes to burn things. She says he’s in charge of the chips and if any go missing, it comes out of his pay.

Rusev is with Lana. She whines and says it’s not fair but Rusev says he doesn’t care who’s in charge of RAW, he’s not going to be brainwashed by dumb Americans. Rusev and Lana try to leave but Bryan appears on the Tron. Bryan said he had a feeling about this and sends someone out to supervise and WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter makes his way out.

Slaughter has an American flag drop down. Slaughter tells them to put their hands over their hearts and repeat after him. Slaughter adds “that’s an order!” Slaughter begins the Pledge of Allegiance but Rusev and Lana won’t comply. Lana starts to but Rusev eventually grabs the mic and they leave. Rusev comes back over to Slaughter. Rusev backs Slaughter into the corner and yells at him. Slaughter takes his hat off and Jack Swagger runs to the ring with Zeb Colter behind him. Rusev meets Swagger with kicks and stomps away. Rusev charges but Swagger slams him. Swagger applies the Patriot Lock but Rusev escapes the ring.

Kane is working concessions again. Santino and Larry The Cable Guy walk up for a hot dog with heavy mustard. Kane squirts mustard all over Santino then tells Larry he’s a huge fan.

Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel

Fandango controls all of this match, goes to the top and hits the leg drop for the win.

Winner: Fandango

Big Show is in the ring now and says he’s a person who made a mistake and has made them alot. Show says he does despise The Authority and talks about what they made him do last year. Show tries to explain himself but isn’t sincere. He says if he would have known how the match turned out, he would go back. Show says he’s put his body on the line for years and we the fans owe him one. He wants to start over. The crowd chants “you sold out”. Show starts yelling at the fans and this leads to Erick Rowan making his way out.

Show mocks Rowan and taunts him. Show says the ring is made for men. Fans chant for Rowan. Rowan takes the mask off as Show approaches. Show says he has no place out here and should leave before he gets hurt. Rowan says he doesn’t like bullies and attacks Show and beats him into the ropes. Rowan drops Show with a spin kick. Show exits the ring and tips over the steps angrily. Show won’t get back in the ring.

We see Seth Rollins backstage with The Stooges. They say it will be just like The Shield 2.0 and Rollins hushes them. Dolph Ziggler comes in. Ziggler says he believes in The Stooges and just asked his Twitter followers to vote for them. Rollins looks annoyed.

Brie Bella vs. AJ Lee

Nikki is in the ring with her sister Brie Bella. AJ Lee comes out and congratulates Nikki on turning her life’s work into a shiny new accessory. AJ adds Brie proved she’s a bigger skank than her sister. Brie takes AJ to the corner and they go at it. AJ comes back and sends Brie to the floor. AJ ducks a clothesline and drops Nikki. Brie hits AJ from behind and throws her back in.

AJ then fights out of a submission. AJ comes back and hits a Thesz Press. AJ then charges in the corner and hits the knee for near fall. Nikki distracts AJ, allowing Brie to get the pin and the win.

Winner: Brie Bella

the Bellas celebrate as AJ grabs a mic. She says the two of them don’t even come close to half the woman she is. AJ adds that it’s time for someone to break it to the Bellas that “talent is not sexually transmitted”

Adam Rose and The Bunny vs. Tyson Kidd and Natalya

Kidd runs into knees in the corner from the Bunny. The Bunny hits a missile dropkick. The Bunny catches a huge kick to the face. Natalya tags in and is worried about The Bunny. Kidd tags himself back in and forces Nattie to kiss him on his cheek. The Bunny tags Rose. Rose hits a spinebuster on Kidd for 2. The Bunny is showboating on the floor and Rose is thrown into him and Kidd and Nattie get the win.

Winners: Tyson Kidd and Natalya

We see Ryback with Renee Young backstage, she congratulates him on his win tonight. He says thanks but he’s got bigger things in mind. He says “it’s almost Thanksgiving and The Big Guy is hungry”. He asks if Renee knows where a good concession stand and laughs.

Ryback walks up on Kane at the concessions and says he’s hungry. Ryback asks for two cans of tuna, a protein shake with extra protein and a bag of beef jerky. Kane tosses a hot dog at Ryback. Ryback shoves him back into the counter and they have a food fight like 600+ pounds of toddlers hahaha Kane runs off and Ryback grabs a bag of peanuts, saying “Kane forgot his nuts” hahaha

Dolph Ziggler and John Cena vs. Seth Rollins, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble

Bryan reveals the WWE App voting next and J&J Security won with 93%. Mercury and Noble make their way out and get ready to fight.

Rollins and company start off bad and they try to regroup.

Back from a break and Noble is working Cena over. Ziggler gets a tag and works over Noble. Ziggler hits his splash to neckbreaker combo. Ziggler drops the elbow and hits a monster DDT for a near fall. Rollins drops Ziggler with a cheap shot while the referee gets distracted. Rollins comes in and works Ziggler over. Ziggler finally makes a tag. Cena unloads and hits a Five Knuckle Shuffle on Mercury. Rollins runs in and narrowly escapes an Attitude Adjustment. The Stooges make the save for Rollins from a double team move. Cena hits AA on Mercury while Ziggler hits a Zig Zag on Noble. They cover them at the same time for the win.

Winners: John Cena and Dolph Ziggler

After the match, Rollins tries to leave but Daniel Bryan runs out and throws him back in the ring. Ziggler hits a superkick and Cena hits the AA on Rollins. We’re interrupted by the classic sound of the anonymous RAW General Manager (I was super excited when this happened). Cole reads a message at the podium that says “And I quote”(sorry I had to say it hahaha) order will be restored on Cyber Monday next week. RAW goes off the air with the sound of the anonymous GM going off over and over again.