Thanks for checking back on my weekly Smoke Ring column, gentlepersons. And thanks to Ringside Report for having me back. Fittingly, I am surrounded by wildfire smoke. The Pacific Northwest is ablaze and I live in a valley wherein it all settles. The overly-manicured young man whom read this morning’s local news copy has instructed me to stay indoors. The air quality is ‘hazardous.’ Pardon me whilst I step out onto my porch/office, light this cigar, commence:
People adore controversy. Boxing fans more than most. We look for it. Crave it. Wallow in it like pigs in mud. Commentators with agendas nurture it like a momma bird barfing into her screaming kid’s beak. Teddy Atlas deems Loma numero uno and leaves “GGG” off the list. Come out fighting at the bell, armchair combatants! It’s bait, and fight fans eat three meals a day of hooked worms. May/Mac? Why that was an electronic lure. I digress.
Controversy! For I am above nary a fray, gentlepersons. Antonio Margarito seemingly quits on the stool and defeats Carson Jones down South a’ the Border. Chihuahua, to be exact. My wife has two. They have stomach issues and ain’t overly house-broken. Ya’d think I’d identify with them more. Here’s why controversy sells: why else would a journeyman like Carson take on a washed-up fighter like Margarito be forefront on my alleged mind sans shadily controversial outcome? A second stanza head-butt which was ruled accidental, opened a gash over Margarito’s bum peeper. It bloated and bled as the pugilism unfurled. The third man in the ring, one Sr. Ricardo Manjarrez deducted a point from Carson’s tally for punching with his cranium in the fifth. Twixt seventh and eighth, the ringside physician called the bout. The scorecards were added up and Carson was far from Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain. Technical decision: Margarito. The very same pug still hated for getting caught red-handed and loaded-gloved against Shane Mosley.
A technical decision victory… or a robbery? Let’s talk about it. Oh. We already have. I seem to have developed a bit of a cough. Must be the lettuce ‘twas snuck in on my cheeseburger. Stuff’ll murderize ya. It’s not the healthy diet that’ll do it; it’s the hope of living forever because of it.
Saul “Canelo” Alvarez is openly uninterested in taking on Miguel Cotto after he faces Gennady “GGG” Golovkin in their 9/16 showdown in Lost Wages, Nevada. It’s then David Lemeiux whom looks good for Cotto’s finale. What swan-song is complete minus unnecessary brain trauma? The Crackin’ Canuck will supply just that. Unbeaten IBF Welterweight boss, Errol Spence, JR. is readying himself for a reported December/January first defense. Collazo would be intriguing; Petersen lesser-so. But Lamont Petersen is the bigger money, and easier row stylistically… so I see that one a-happenin’. Happening too, a mid-round stoppage for JR.
Oleksandr Usyk Vs Marco Huck will soon occur, with the WBO World Cruiserweight title at stake in a World Boxing Super Series Cruiserweight offering. No TV deal less than a week to go till kick-off. Brought to you by Cart Before the Horse Fight Promotions. You pitch the idea. You line up the TV deal. You then, and only then, fill the bracket and announce particulars. Instead: this. Maybe they’ll pick up an idiot box deal for the latter rounds. You do not use the show to pitch the show. Usyk is an apex predator. A possible sociopath. He impresses me like almost none-other. Unfortunately, he’s naturally closer to a Light Heavyweight than Heavyweight — and I like my action big. For wherest goes the plus-size division, goes the sport’s health and wealth.
As I type, the cigar’s heat comes closer to my mitt. I’ll finish strong in these, the championship rounds of this week’s Smoke Ring. Or at the very least, I’ll finish…
Senator Manny Pacquiao versus Jeff Horn II hath been postponed, even as no date was set. Pacquiao has political duties and too, wants the eventual fisticuffs to be hosted in the Philippines. A decent request, seeing as the first match was in Australia. But also indecent because c’mon, Manny: ya just don’t need this. He hasn’t been the same since JMM put him to sleep. Where’d the power go? It’s suspicious, soitenly. Legs go. Reflexes go. Power stays longest. Musta been the Flintstones vitamins Pacquiao stopped ingesting. But I ain’t here to breed controversy. Also, I’m a dang liar. I’m sorry, I just won’t apologize ever. Although this is the truth: keep yer chin tucked till I type at ya again.
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www.Kaplowitz.xyz and Kaplowitz Radio are the blog (daily) and podcast (Sundays & Wednesdays) homes of “Kap” Kaplowitz. In broad strokes, topics include: lifestyle, sports, and fashion. In more narrow strokes: cigars, boxing, baseball, and sweatpants. Want more? Advice and etiquette. Still more? Schtick Yiddish & Pig Shakespearean. Have you Kaplowitz’d to-day? Every week, Kap will make an appearance here at Ringside Report; smoking a stogie and unloading his boxing brains.