Kap’s Smoke Ring Vol. 8: Michael Page/David Haye, Julian Williams – Ishe Smith, Eddie Hearn, & Jeff Horn
Assuming my absence last week went detected by someone somewheres, I feel an explanation is in order. I wasn’t here. It’s personal, and as proof — I’m a person. Hath not a ring-writer eyes? Hath not a ring-writer hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a non-ring-writer is? But this week I am back here at my home away from home, Ringside Report. Thanks for having me Mr. Berkwitt; and as always — it’s always great to be had. Lemme light a nice ‘nuff for the likes a’ me cigar and hath at it…
MMA GO AWAY (& YOU TOO, HAYE)
Michael Page, an MMA fighter I have not heard of before, won his pro boxing debut via third-stanza knock-out of one Jonathan Castano in the Light Heavyweight division. The Brit done this in his Jolly Ol’ home-country. London, specifically, govnah. Carrying his hands lower than his hips, the 30 year-old introduced his man to the canvas with a hard right. Castano, 2-11-1, 2 KO’s regained his vertical-alignment before ten was counted, but the ref decided ‘nuff had been seen. If this sounds somewhat less than the caliber of boxing that passes the sniff-test, please note that David Haye put the card to-gether. Stinky cheese, gentlepersons, stinky cheese.
WILLIAMS VS SMITH? CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
Televised on something called Bounce, which upon a few moments of Googling proves to not be a type of dryer sheet only, Julian Williams, 23-1-1, 15 KO’s Vs Ishe Smith, 29-8, 12 KO’s is set for November 18th Lost Wages.
The mainly-passable-as-nigh-elite-154-pounders-as-long-as-there-are-no-follow-up-questions bout sees a 39 year-old former-champ Smith who’s been in with the best and won on occasion, take on a top-ish young contender in 27 year-old Williams who suffered a knock-out loss against Jermall Charlo in his first step-up in class. He’s already bounced back with a win over Joshua Conley, so this ain’t a bounce-back per se. It’s simply a real go-figure for both. In closing, bounce. And/or Bounce.
THE REDCOATS ARE COMING
Eddie Hearn is a bloke whom plans big. No, bigger than big. He also drinks a lot of tea and is far from passionate in the sack, pardon my French. Pardon me altogether, as I seem to have drifted. He makes a lot of big plans. One he recently spoke of attempting to implement is a Deontay Wilder Vs Dillian Whyte bit of bloody row, chip chip cheerio, and all that rot — with his main-squeeze cash-cow Anthony Joshua getting fed the winner.
The 38 year-old Brit’s ultimate plan remains to conquer the American pugilism-for-profit market laid waste, in his calculations, by ‘aging promoters.’ Don King could not be reached for rebuttal, as his great grandkids still have not set up his AOL account. If you need me, I’ll be dumping tea into Bahstan Hahbah.
THURMAN TO BE ELECTED SENATOR OF PHILIPPINES?
Aussie Jeff Horn, 17-0-1, 11 KO’s, through his blokes hath issued fair-thee-warning to Keith “One-Time” Thurman, 28-0, 22 KO’s: either zip his lip or share Manny Pacquiao’s fate. This sentiment was issued as a rebuttal to Thurman openly considering Horn a ‘non-factor’ in the Welterweight landscape. Horn’s camp made clear that if Thurman wanted the fight, he’d be more than welcome in Australia. They failed to speak to the likelihood of the gang heading over to the US, because whom would they be foolin’? Plus, I hear the toilets flush backwards there… neat, that.
Look, gentlepersons: Pac-man is shot, man. Still, Horn needed some home-cookin’ help to get the decision. Now there’s nary a word of the guy leaving the koalas and kangaroo confines. It’s ‘nuff to heat me, I tells ya. Actually, I think that’s just the nub of this cigar creeping its glowing ash towards my knuckle-flesh. Looks like that’ll do another week, gentlepersons. I do appreciate jotting yer collective vague directions after a week away. Till next week, keep yer chin tucked and doth read more Shakespeare, thou.
To read and hear more of “Kap” Kaplowitz:
www.Kaplowitz.xyz and Kaplowitz Radio are the blog (daily) and podcast (Sundays & Wednesdays) homes of “Kap” Kaplowitz. In broad strokes, topics include: lifestyle, sports, and fashion. In more narrow strokes: cigars, boxing, baseball, and sweatpants. Want more? Advice and etiquette. Still more? Schtick Yiddish & Pig Shakespearean. Have you Kaplowitz’d to-day? Every week, Kap will make an appearance here at Ringside Report; smoking a stogie and unloading his boxing brains.
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