I know that many of you will not believe me.
But, deep in my heart of hearts (whatever that means) I am well aware that the GPS does not like me. My car likes me. But not the GPS that it carries. In fact I am sure that my Subaru does not like its GPs either. I can say this with certainty because my Subaru is quite loyal to me and the other family members.
It is just that darned GPS!
We have a very poor relationship.
Our latest conversation:
GPS: “Keep to the right.”
I then followed the instruction and turned right.
GPS: “Recalculating route.”
ME: “What do you mean, ‘recalculating route?'”
GPS: You are going the wrong way.”
ME: “I just followed your unclear direction.”
GPS: “Unclear? I clearly said keep to the right.”
ME: “Well, I was already in the right hand lane, so I thought you were directing me to follow the lane going off to the right and getting me off the freeway.”
GPS: “I never said turn right. Don’t you understand that you were just to keep to the right?”
ME: “What do you mean by keep to the right? I was already in the right hand lane and would have kept going straight and not taken a right turn if you hadn’t blurted out ‘keep to the right.'”
GPS: “First of all, I never BLURT. I give excellent clear directions. Secondly, I resent your tone.”
ME: “Really? You resent my tone? Too bad about you. If you had just kept your big mouth shut and let me keep going I would have been OK. No need to screech, ‘keep to the right.’ What the heck does that mean?”
GPS: “I never screech. I converse in a well-modulated even voice…unlike you.”
ME:” “I can’t believe this!!!! Being insulted my own GPS!”
GPS: “YOU ARE AN IDIOT!”
ME: “SO ARE YOU!”
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
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