Doctor Curmudgeon® Problem? A Quick Call To Customer Service
[AdSense-A]
By Diane Batshaw Eisman MD FAAFP
It was nothing much.
I think it was a toaster from which I had to forcibly extract the toast.
Or maybe it was the clothes dryer that took a loooooooooooong time to dry a few things.
It could even have been the washing machine with the teeny tiny slow water leak.
I no longer remember. And I do not have dementia.
As you read, you may understand why I have tried to block as much of the memory of that phone call as I was able…and then again you may not (but I doubt it)
On the first page of the manual of the item, it said something like:
TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE
And then it listed several possibilities and what to do
And then it said,
IF NONE OF THE ABOVE HAVE HELPED YOU, YOU MAY CALL
CUSTOMER SERVICE
US/CANADA 1-888-888-8888
IF YOU LIVE ACROSS THE POND, CALL
88-888-888-8888
ANYWHERE ELSE ON THIS PLANET
8-88-888-8888
IF YOU ARE ORBITING THE EARTH,
Don’t call us, we’ll call you
THOSE ON OTHER PLANETS MAY WAVE AND HOPE WE HAVE ACCESs TO THE HUBBLE
And, so I called
Then I had to go through button pressing of many options.
Fimally, after much cursing and screaming things like:
Representative
Agent
Customer service
Human being ….and in final frustration…
Robot….
I reached a person
It took quite a while to explain my dilemma. Finally the customer service agent said that he understood. After which, he apologized 57 times and then restated my problem incorrectly!
I expected no less because, after all, this is customer non-service!
The representative then proceeded to look up my data again said, with wonder in his voice, “Oh! I see this object is under warranty
I restated my problem, clearly, spelling out words.
He said, “Hmmm….. please wait.”
He probably went to the flow sheet in his guide.
An aggravatingly, hair pulling, growling time later, he returned to the phone and asked me. “Where did you purchase this?”
I answered.
More apologies and then he obviously hit the flow sheet again.
Coming back on the line, he inquired, “Was this a gift?”
Dehydrated and famished from my lengthy telephone stint, I shrieked, “No! I bought it for myself! And why should that matter? I have that stupid warranty.”
“There is no need to shout at me. If you cannot treat me respectfully, I will hang up.”
Of course, I humbly apologized, after investing so much time on the phone.
“Can’t you help me?” Was my plaintive cry.
Once more on hold.
“Good news,” he said. “It is a part that you need and we have it and can ship it to you. You will receive it in seven to ten days.”
I sighed so loudly that the house must have shaken.
But my joy was short lived.
The agent then inquired, “Please give me the credit card that you prefer to use.”
There was a pause as I gathered my voice together. “Credit Card? Why, on earth, why? That thing is under warranty. I should not need to give you any credit card information.”
I could just hear the smile in his smarmy voice, as he said, after apologizing six times, of course,
“But, madam, while you were on the phone, your warranty expired!”
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”
[si-contact-form form=’2′]