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Doctor Curmudgeon: It Happens Every Night!


By Diane Batshaw, MD FAAFP

Doctor Curmudgeon has a lot “on her plate.”

Patients to see.

Forms to fill out

Phone calls to make.

Emergencies to handle.

She tries to organize, to keep her desk neat. She is in a losing battle. By nature, the good (and possibly messy) doctor finds her organizational skills lacking.

However, she keeps up the good fight.

Periodically, she tosses items to the shredder or to the circular file. This accomplishment means that she sees a clear area on her desk. This clear area allows her to feel so good about herself. And then, she leaves for the night.
8 PM.

The office is locked

The alarm is turned on.

The office manager’s desk is neat

Tomorrow’s charts are stacked neatly.

The front desk is pretty neat

The lab area is clean and neat.
The break room is neat

The coffee and water is in the coffee maker, ready to be turned on by the first person arriving in the morning.

Her partner’s desk is neat.
And then there is a gently rustling.

Possibly a paper giggle or two.

A lonely paper slides out from under the office manager’s door.

It quickly glides through the half open door to the good doctor’s office.

It leaps upon her chair, somehow managing to dump some ink on the seat.

Then, suddenly more papers appear.

They spread over the desk in a disorderly fashion.

They come together and they multiply.

Ye Gads! Those papers are procreating!
Perhaps I should leave condoms and birth control pills scattered around my desk..
Maybe those papers will take the hint.

But then again, I am well aware of “The animosity of Inanimate Objects!” This is a known and proven scientific precept, not merely a theory

What shall I do?

A dear friend has recommended the perfect solution:


Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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