Doctor Curmudgeon® My Drug Recalls Runneth Over!

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, MD FAAFP

I have a nightmare…night after night after night.

It surely came from my attempts to ferret out all the recalled meds, lot numbers, manufacturers of origin, countries of origin and FDA lists

I have vainly attempted to avoid all meds that were manufactured in India or China…but can a lowly curmudgeon really be sure of the country of origin?

It is a truly horrendous mess.

Medicine called to me when I was a child. I wanted to be of help.

Hah!

Primum no nocere? Where have you gone? First, to do no harm!

And, here I am, potentially prescribing medications to my patients that have a bit of contaminant in them that may cause cancer, immune disorders, libido problems, turn one’s skin green, cause all bodily hair to fall out leaving orange spots on the skin…and whatever.

There is a knock on my office door.

Being polite, I extricate myself from my desk and answer it.

What do I find?

Four people in black judicial garb, each holding a rolled up document, replete with gold and silver official looking seals and decorative metal chains dangling from them.

Standing there in silence, they stare at me.

Of course, I stare back.

They stare.

I stare some more

Noticing that they carry handcuffs, I judiciously decide to grab my phone.

This situation appears to be so ominous that I need all my attorneys.

Quickly, I dial Mark Darling, litigator supreme who will soon arrive on his white stallion

And I dial Sir Alan of Mattie, Harley, Dipsy and Midnight PA. He always comes to the aid of a desolate curmudgeon.

Finally, while awaiting my legal team, I decide to speak.

In stentorious tones, I inquire, “Why are you darkening my doorway? What brings you to my sanctuary? Why are you all so yucky looking? Why are you all silent? Why do you clutch official looking documents? Why do you dangle handcuffs?

Neon lights flash in disturbing colors around this group as their answer reverberates throughout my tiny office:

“YOU HAVE BEEN RECALLED!”

..Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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