Doctor Curmudgeon® Rate Your Doctor! Rate Your Baby Sitter! Rate Your Goldfish….

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAFP

I hate the sites that rate doctors.

They probably hate me too.

Received an email directing me to a rating site where I received as close to zero stars as I could get. I found it was seven or so years old. And, of course, I was trashed!

The rating stated that I was hard to find and that I did nothing for the patient. And, yes, the email offered to defend me ….for a nice price, of course!

Doctor Curmudgeon does not need to be defended.

But she can envision the future………………………………………

An idiot barges through the door, gets past the armed guard, over the trip wires and somehow does not set off the smoke bombs.

“Well, hello there, Doctor,” says this stealthy, greasy looking individual. “I’m here to give you the help you really need.”

I grimace

I glare

I glower

I cross my arms over my chest, take a firm stance and growl, “Get out,”

“Oh, doctor, please listen, this will only take five minutes and it’s for your benefit.”

“Out, I shout”

He comes a step closer.

“Are you deaf, you moron?” I screech. And when Doctor Curmudgeon screeches, everyone hears it.

He tries again. “But Doctor, your reputation is on the line. People give you terrible reviews. And we can monitor all this for you and make sure everything said about you is stellar.”

I come closer to him, swinging my stethoscope as music from great old Westerns accompanies my Clint Eastwood sashay. I know my eyes are steely, because he begins backing away.

With his hand on the door, he tries again, “Doctor, please give us a chance. Your reputation is in tatters. It is all over the Internet.”

I smile as I deliver my final blow, “What’s the Internet?”

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”