Doctor Curmudgeon® “Revenge is Mine”, Says the Computer!

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, MD FAAP

Black clouds hang in Curmudgeonville.

Heavy downpours continue to threaten.

The sun remains hidden behind ominous dark clouds.

A small curmudgeon sits slumped over in her chair.

Her desk was clean.

No papers littered its pristine top

No pens had scattered themselves haphazardly, only to be stopped by paper piles or her computer keyboard.

It must have been due to her previous column wherein she made fun of all the smart objects that lived in her home: the toaster, the cell phone and, of course her home computer

Computer!

Computer?

Where was it?

Not atop her desk.

A frustratingly sad tale discloses its whereabouts. It is still with her wonderful IT specialist, Rolando.
Shortly after her last column, the computer began doing funny things. A weird blue background would appear with lots of white writing and it passed so quickly that all she could see was something about calling for help if it happened again. At the bottom were horrifying words “CRASH DUMP.” And then the screen was gone, leaving the curmudgeon shaking with fear.

The word “crash” together with “computer” sinks terror into many a heart

The blue background with the white writing disappeared and then, a black background assaulted her screen. In bold highlights was something like “start your computer normally or else.”

And so, Rolando, the tech of all techs got the computer in his Intensive care Unit. And he could find nothing!!! Nothing!!!

The computer came home and the curmudgeon should have realized that it had a smirk on its arrogant face.

Same thing happened! And this time, it made growling noises.

Back to the computer hospital and Rolando. He had it on all day and its external hard drive had gone along with it. Same things. All was well

It was thought that there was some problem with power in the house and an old uninterrupted power supply. “Old” being the operative word.

And so, this tale almost ends as the computer is on its way to the home of the curmudgeon.

As she sulks, she growls that her computer has taken it upon itself to administer revenge for her column that treated all those smart thingees in her home with great disrespect.

There is a bright spot in this saga. Doctor Curmudgeon® sees before her: a pristine desktop, orderly and so happy.

Because she couldn’t use her home computer

Because she is a workaholic.

Since her computer was ill, there was no alternative but to go through papers. She rifled through piles of them and realized that items had lain there since 2013, waiting for decisions.

And the revenge of the computer had prompted those decisions.

Three huge bags now contained the junk that had been on her desk.

The totally unusual sight of a clean work area appeared before her.

But she knew it would not last long!

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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