Doctor Curmudgeon® Terror in the Exam Room!

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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAFP

It was such a lovely afternoon.

Doctor Curmudgeon had actually completed all charts and calls.

Her Chicago Cubs teddy bear seemed to smile at her as she savored the final pieces of her healthy salad and sipped her espresso.

There were a couple of clear areas on her desk…such a rare occurrence.

All the patients seen in the morning were doing well.

Closing her eyes briefly, she envisioned an afternoon that would go the same way.

Quiet.

Peaceful

Tranquility reigned.

Picking up a journal, she began to read an article that was interesting and well written.
As she reached for her afternoon bit of dark chocolate…it was halted in midair…as a scream shattered her comfy office.

Pushing back her chair, she tripped over her waste basket, cursed and then righted herself.

Racing down the hall, she heard whimpering from an exam room. This must be the room, she said to herself as she opened the door.

She found her patient standing in the room, with her arms firmly crossed over her chest. A few tears streamed down her cheeks.

Her medical assistant was patting the patient’s back in an effort to console her.

“What happened?” asked Doctor Curmudgeon®

“It’s so hard to talk about,” answered the patient.

The assistant said, “We tried, Doc.”
Realizing that she didn’t need a crash cart, Doctor Curmudgeon asked her patient again, “Please, tell me what happened?”

Sitting down and taking a deep breath, the patient said, “Doctor Curmudgeon®, I am fine with talking to you and letting you examine me and being your patient…but that other thing…it is just too much!”

“I’ll leave you two alone, Doc,” the assistant said, “This is something that really needs privacy and, you never know, HIPAA could be listening.”

Settling herself in a chair opposite, her patient, Doctor Curmudgeon® thought that her assistant hid a grin as she gently closed the door

With a sigh, the patient continued, “Don’t weigh me. Wait a month. I almost got on that scale. And then it terrified me!”

Ah yes, thought Doctor Curmudgeon®. The Tyranny, the Terror of the Scale! She had, not infrequently, faced it herself!

Doctor Curmudgeon® nodded her head in commiseration and doctor and patient continued with their visit together in peace and in harmony.

The scale seemed to shiver as a few particles of dust settled upon it.

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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