Undertaker: The Wrestlemania Streak
By Geno McGahee
I have been a pro-wrestling fan since I was a child and have strayed but the return of some of the Attitude generation has gotten my attention. At Wrestlemania, we will see The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Stone Cold Steve Austin, and The Undertaker, and the undefeated record of “the Dead Man” will be on the line against Triple H, the man married to the boss’s daughter in reality.
I have never liked Triple H and it is rather obvious that he uses his connections to further his career in the ring while not allowing the up and comers a chance to make progress. Hulk Hogan used to do the same thing. It’s a dirty business.
The decision has to be made as to whether or not to allow The Undertaker to leave the wrestling business undefeated or to allow Triple H to be the only man to hold a Wrestlemania victory over him. I think that we are going to see the latter, but let’s take a stroll down memory lane and look at the Wrestlemania career of the Undertaker.
Wrestlemania VII: Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka
The WWE (WWF) went to the nursing home, put Snuka in some women’s leopard print underwear and made him the first victim to get his head smashed in. At the time, in 1991, the Undertaker had just made his appearance and they were setting up an undefeatable bad guy that Hulk Hogan would probably topple…if not Hogan, perhaps the Ultimate Warrior or some other face that they had on hand.
Snuka came down and was destroyed. He never landed a punch, head butt, and didn’t even prove to be a distraction in the leopard print women’s panties. Victory #1…an easy one. 1-0.
Wrestlemania VIII: Jake “The Snake” Roberts
In 1992, the Undertaker became sort of a good guy, telling Roberts that he was not on his side and didn’t like him and his antics. Jake “the Snake” would attack the Undertaker and set up this match. In the defense of Roberts, he was probably totally wasted at the time of this match and therefore had no chance to win.
It was another easy win over an overmatched opponent. Not even the threat of Jake’s “snake” was enough to detour The Undertaker. He basically said: “Whip out that snake and let’s see what you got,” and it wasn’t enough to make him flinch. 2-0.
Wrestlemania IX: Giant Gonzalez
Oh jeez…they bring in a giant that they took from WCW that could barely move in the ring, didn’t know anything about professional wrestling, and put him in a fur and fake muscle jumpsuit and thought he was a good opponent for the Undertaker. To the credit of “the Dead Man” he tried to make the match look good, but the big oaf in front of him couldn’t do a thing to convince the crowd. This was a DQ win for the Undertaker…the match was put out of its misery quickly. 3-0.
Wrestlemania XI: King Kong Bundy
In 1995, they brought back the master of “The Avalanche” King Kong Bundy, and he had a pretty good track record at Wrestlemania. Sure, when they put him in a cage with Hogan, he couldn’t get out of it due to his girth, but before that, he squashed SD Special Delivery Jones in seconds. The Avalanche and then the big splash led to the 3 count win, but Jones was jumped.
How can the Undertaker beat a guy so fat that he cannot tombstone him? He’s got the chokeslam and other moves specifically for the tubby ones. Tubby was put down and it brought the Undertaker to 4-0.
Wrestlemania XII: Diesel
Diesel (Kevin Nash) wasn’t afraid of the Undertaker and even smashed his coffin. I’m glad he didn’t attend my grandmother’s funeral. So, the stage was set, but Nash was ready to leave for WCW and when guys leave, they leave with a loss, typically. Diesel would land his “Jackknife” power bomb but he just couldn’t keep the Undertaker down. A tombstone would end it and we have a 5-0 record.
Wrestlemania “13”: Syscho Sid
Anyone else hear the story where Sid lost it in his pants when he faced Hulk Hogan at another Wrestlemania? I guess it was bad food and “lost it in his pants” is the best way that I could put it without being crude, but then again, the statement leaves a lot open for speculation. What did he mean “lost it in his pants?”
Sid is another clunky sort of wrestler from WCW that came in with a lot of hype and became “Sid Justice” and nobody cared, so they made him a bad guy and made him over the top crazy. Another battle of monsters and the king monster, Undertaker would win and go to 6-0 and Sid would not have to change his shorts after this one, I don’t think.
Wrestlemania XIV: Kane
The WWE just kept putting out monsters and now we have the lost brother of The Undertaker, “Kane.” Kane was badly burnt and wore a mask to hide it and had many of the same moves of his brother, including the choke slam and the tombstone. He also sat up like Michael Myers and seemed like a real threat.
In a decent match, the older brother would prevail and we moved to 7-0.
Wrestlemania XV: Big Boss Man
They made this one a “Hell in the Cell” and they would actually hang the Bossman after the match. It’s when the Undertaker was bad again and was more like the epitome of evil and had to do really bad things like kick the hell out of the Bossman and then actually kill him. This was a mismatch and the Undertaker should have been banned from pro wrestling. You don’t kill a guy after a match. You just don’t do that! 8-0.
Wrestlemania “X-Seven”: Triple H
The first meeting between the Undertaker and Triple H came in 2001, and it was before the Triple H big run and the nestling in with the McMahon family. Not much to say here other than was are at 9-0.
Wrestlemania “X8”: Ric Flair
Why’d they put old Ric Flair in there? He never had a chance, although he knows how to sell tickets. Flair may be the most amusing pro wrestler of all time with his “whoos” and struts around the ring, but all the chops in the world weren’t going to save him and the Undertaker doesn’t submit, so throw the figure four out the door. It was an unwinnable match for Flair. 10-0.
Wrestlemania XIX: A Train & Big Show (Handicapped Match)
I wasn’t watching wrestling at this point in 2003. I do know who A Train is. He’s a bald fat guy with a briefcase full of piercing equipment and the Big Show is the Giant and together, they still lost to the Undertaker. My guess is that he pinned A Train. 11-0.
Wrestlemania XX: Kane
Kane again? This time Kane has no mask and he’s not really burnt. You’d figure that they would use some latex to make him look burnt. For some reason, the two brothers had a rematch and the Undertaker won again… I didn’t see the match. I can’t tell you if it was fair officiating, but we are at 12-0.
Wrestlemania 21: Randy Orton
In 2005, the son of Cowboy Bob Orton would face off against The Undertaker and Orton as that “RKO” which sort of looks like DDP’s “Diamond Cutter.” Sorry, I lost track of wrestling around 1998-ish, so there is some lost history. Orton is one of the WWE’s top young guys and, if I remember correctly, his dad did come back and beg the Undertaker not to hurt his son, only to help his son jump “the Dead Man.” I only caught bits and pieces here and there. 13-0.
Wrestlemania 22: Mark Henry (Casket Match)
In a casket match, you must put your opponent into a coffin and slam the lid. You win. Let’s say you go to a funeral and it’s open casket and you walk over and slam the lid. You would win, if it were a casket match. You would get strange looks at the funeral.
Mark Henry was known as “Sexual Chocolate” as far as I can remember and grabbed the junk of an obvious transvestite and had a relationship with 150 year old Mae Young…and he would be thrown into a casket and lose this one. 14-0.
Wrestlemania 23: Batista
Batista is a huge monster (probably on steroids) that is just enormous (probably on steroids) and has the “Batista Bomb” which is really a power bomb, and does something like he’s firing a machine gun when he comes to the ring and then they release some fireworks to make it look like he’s actually shooting. It’s rather lame. I just can’t get excited for Batista. He doesn’t have much personality and he was not the one to defeat the Undertaker. 15-0.
Wrestlemania XXIV: Edge
Edge is a guy that can be very funny and he is known as “The Rated R Superstar.” He once had a sex scene in the ring with Lita and she accidentally allowed her chest to be exposed. Still my favorite Monday Night RAW to this date. The second would be when Koko B. Ware gave his all in a losing effort to Yokozuna. I was just a fan of “the Bird Man.”
I don’t know what happened in the ring this night, but I’m guessing it wasn’t a sex scene. 16-0.
Wrestlemania XXV & XXVI: Shawn Michaels
Shawn Michaels, “The Heartbreak Kid” that sings his own theme music where he talks about his sexiness, even at 60 years old apparently, is still one of the biggest names in the game and merited not one, but two cracks at the Undertaker, the second of which cost him his career. Michaels is Triple H’s buddy and now he wants revenge because the “Dead Man” is 18-0.
Wrestlemania is coming up and the Undertaker will take on Triple H and we will see what happens, but my guess is that we will see the failed actor, husband to the boss’s daughter be the only man to get the victory. Remember when they brought in Goldberg in that Elimination Chamber and he was destroying everyone, except Triple H? We will see the same selfishness cost the poor Undertaker his record. 18-1.