Santa’s Slay (2005): Bill Goldberg Movie Review
By Geno McGahee
It took me forever to watch this horror flick that featured Bill Goldberg on the cover, screaming and dressed like Santa Claus. Most pro wrestler movies stink with the obvious exception of NO HOLDS BARRED. When are they putting that on DVD?
I have Netflix and as I sifted through some horrible horror movies, I saw SANTA’S SLAY just sitting there and decided to give it a shot. Amazingly, the movie had a budget and began with some big names sitting at a table on Xmas. James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and Rebecca Gayheart are all enjoying the meal, but they cannot get along. In comes Santa, breaking through the wall and yelling: “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”
The movie wasn’t taking itself seriously at all and that was a very good thing. This was not a horror movie. This was a comedy and a very funny one at that.
We shift focus over to Nicolas (Douglas Smith) and his love interest, Mary (Emilie de Ravin), and their job at a deli. Nicolas’s grandfather (Robert Culp), is the town nut, believing that Santa is evil and the son of the devil doesn’t seem so crazy as Santa ravages the town, killing numerous people along the way and saying some witty stuff as well. Goldberg found the perfect role here…a physical role with some funny one liners.
This movie is very simple. It is merely here to amuse and it accomplishes that with rather witty dialogue and just a fun vibe throughout. The story is that God had a child “Jesus” and Satan’s child was “Santa,” and now he’s back to kill everyone and the only thing that can stop him is an angel that defeated him once before.
This movie has a crooked reverend, altar boy molestation jokes, Bill Goldberg spearing a butcher, and much much more. One of the funniest lines is when Goldberg makes mention of time zones in the North Pole and Mary notes: “Not only is he scary, but he’s also educational.”
SANTA’S SLAY is much better than I thought it would be. It’s silly and fun and is shot very well. It will not go down as a great Xmas horror movie, but you will be amused.
RSR Rating: 5.5/10. Santa does the Spear!