Wrestlemania Results: Triple H – Undertaker, John Cena – Miz & The Rock Shock
By Sean Farrell
Wrestlemania opens with a promo from your host the Rock. Rock goes on to get the crowd hyped with catch phrases and trash talking Cena, then the event really starts.
Edge Defeated Del Rio for World Championship- Edge is getting worked over by Del Rio for the most part of the match. Del Rio works the arm over well until Edge gains the advantage and makes a few armbar reversals. Edge eventually mounts some offense and hits the spear off a reversal for the win. Christian and Edge after the match, destroy the vintage Rolls Royce that Del Rio appeared in as they took a crowbar and pipe to it.
Cody Rhodes Defeated Rey Mysterio- Cody and Mysterio start off. Rey is dressed as Captain America and hits a top rope hurracanrana early. Cody then exposes Rey’s knee brace and Cody tries to rip it off. Cody works over Rey, Rey tries to reverse but Cody uses his mask to deny it. Cody continues to work over Rey with submission attempts. Rey mounts a comeback but when he goes for his head scissors Cody reverses into an Alabama Slam keeping Rey grounded. Cody again goes for the brace to no avail. Cody continues to wrok Rey over on the ground and Rey comes back, Rey is again stopped trying to go for a high risk move and Cody lands a second rope stalling superplex on Rey(Very Impressive move) goes for the pin but Rey kicks out. Cody continues to dominate Rey until he misses Cross-Rhodes and is thrown out the ring by Rey. Rey tries a suicide dive misses but saves himself and lands a head scissor thowing Rhodes into the apron. Rey battles back and scores a pin for a near fall then tries to hit his bulldog which Cody reverses and gains advantage again. Rey hits another head scissor and goes for the 619 but is caught by Cody. Cody sling shots Rey into the bottom rope and goes for a pin scoring a near fall. Cody goes back to the knee brace and works on removing it from Mysterio and succeeds. Rey lands a sling shot moonsault on Rhodes for a near fall and removes the protective mask of Cody Rhodes and hits the 619. Rey climbs the top rope but botches and Rey scores a kick and near pin. Rey puts on the mask of Rhodes and uses it against Rhodes, Rhodes misses a knee and is hit with a headbutt to the heart. Rey pins again but Cody kicks out. Cody Rhodes counters with Mysterio’s knee brace and hits Rey in the face and then hits the Cross-Rhodes for the win.
Snoop Dogg gets a promo with Teddy Long about looking for some talent for his tour and Long offers him some WWE talent. Regal enters ala American Idol and cuts a ridiculous rap asking if it was gangsta enough. Khali and Beth Phoenix are next but are cut off by Snoop. Rowdy Roddy Piper makes an appearance, then Yoshi Tatsu and Masters with Masters bouncing his pecks. Hornswoggle then enters and Snoop announces him the winner then Teddy says Hornswoggle can’t talk or anything…Teddy and Snoop then roll out and Hornswoggle bust out with the Bella twins and sings a rap…well kinda..pointless segment
8 Man Tag Match Kane,Big Show, Kofi, and Santino Defeated The Corre- Santino hits an armdrag and immediately tags in Show. Show works over Slater then he tags in Big Zeke.Chaos ensues and everyone is involved, Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise and Show hits a KO punch on Slater for the win. Everyone does the Santino celebration as they celebrate.
Rock and Eve are backstage and Rock is hitting on her asking her how Mania is…Rock says he creates moments and says whoever turns the corner he will make a moment. Mae Young turns the corner…Rock gives her a hug and ask what she wants. Mae ask for the People’s Strudel and Rock cracks old jokes. And Mae smacks Rock’s butt as she walks off…and Rock says anyone else and Stone Cold pops up…They have a face off and they shake hands and Austin walks off.
Orton Defeats Punk- Punk misses a shoot for the injured leg of Orton and Orton takes advantage knocking Punk out the ring and works him over outside. Orton tries to throw Punk into the steps Punk hurdles and kicks them into Orton’s leg. Punk then works over Orton. Punk hits a cross body from the top for a two count and Orton rolls away selling the leg injury. Punk asserts himself and works over the knee. Orton battles back and hits his vintage Orton backbreaker. Orton continues to sell the injury and Punk works it over more scoring a one count after a pin attempt. Punk continues to work the leg and hits the shinning wizard then knee breaker for another two count. Punk put Orton into the Tree of Woe and stands atop the knee and lands an unorthodox knee drop for another two count. Punk calls for the GTS()Go-To-Sleep) and Orton reverses into an RKO but Punk reverses into a head kick for a near fall. Punk goes to the top again and Orton reverses racking Punk on the top rope. Orton goes for a Superplex and drills Punk with it for a near fall. Punk rolls out and slams Orton’s knee into the ring post then locks in a Bret Hart Figure Four around the post. Punk then locks in Orton’s knee and works over the knee more as Orton screams in pain. Punk rips off Orton’s bandage on his knee but Orton escapes. Orton hits a clothesline and fires up and goes off on Punk hitting an Angle Slam. Orton selling the knee eats a leg kick from Punk and Punk works the knee again then lock in the Anaconda Vice. Orton is struggling but gets to the rope with a roll out. Punk is frustrated and ends up getting slammed into the post then spike DDT’d. Orton looks for the RKOthen looks for the punt on Punk. Orton misses as his knee gives out and Punk laughs at him. Orton goes to hit the RKO but Punk slithers out and laughs again. Punk slingshots and eats an RKO and Orton gets the win.
Rock and Mean Gene cut a promo and Rock is talking about Cena’s number one fan and Cena’s number one fan is none other than Pee Wee Herman and he tells Rock “You Can’t See Me”. Rock tries to turn Pee Wee into a man a real man on Team Bring It or a little boy on the Fruit Loop Troop? Pee Wee then says he wants to be a man and join Team Bring It and says “Can You Smell-la-la-la-la-la-laoww what the Pee is Cookin'” and Rock gives him props to end the segment.
Michael Cole Defeated Jerry Lawler Special Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin- JR and Booker T. are calling the action for this “Slobberknocker” actually from this point on. Cole comes out running his mouth as usual slamming JR and King for several minutes to build heat which he is a borderline God at doing. Swagger enters next as he is in Cole’s corner and is cut off by Austin in an ATV. Austin Makes a scene on the ATV and scares Cole who runs into the Cole Mine. Austin mocks him from the ATV. Austin does his middle finger posing and the King enters to his old theme, Cole does half assed jumping jacks from his pen im sorry the Cole Mine. King high fives JR and leaves his crown with him and we await Cole to enter the ring. Cole claims he isn’t ready Austin rings the bell, Swagger tries jumping Lawler but King disposes of him. Cole begs like a girl to not be beaten from his pen and offers a truce. Lawler accepts so we thought and pulls Cole into the glass. Cole’s face is smushed and Lawler climbs in after him. Lawler beats down Cole in the Mine and Lawler locked the door. Lawler works over Cole inside the Mine. Lawler takes Cole out of the Mine and slams Cole into the announce table and is thrown into the ring. Swagger blindsides Lawler while Austin was distracted by Cole. Lawler tries to recover and eats a baseball slide from Cole, Swagger then applies the ankle lock to King on the outside and Cole demands Austin to count which he does. Lawler gets into the ring and Cole tries to work over Lawler’s leg with terrible selling ability. Swagger tells Cole how to injure Lawler further and Cole listens to his coach selling the leg a little better. Cole botches whatever he was trying to do and multi botches a simple Swagger bomb, King kicks out. Cole works the leg more and this is getting quite pathetic and I want a refund. Cole taunts and works the leg some more, Cole high fives Swagger and taunts more. Cole does the King’s taunt and locks in the an-Cole Lock and now I am praying for my money back. Lawler tries to sell this trash the best he can and reverses. Lawler stomps a mudhole into Cole and Austin doesn’t care…Swagger claims DQ and ask for the bell to be rung…Austin wipes his sweat with Swagger’s towel and Swagger bucks up and eats a Stunner from Austin. Lawler is telling Cole to get up and he does and is pleading with Austin and slaps his hand. Austin pushes Cole into King’s right hand and Lawler tees off. Lawler lands a dropkick to the face of Cole and Austin snickers, Lawler climbs the second rope and lands the flying fist. Austin counts and Lawler pulls Cole up (hahaha Great Moment).
Lawler then locks in the ankle lock and Cole taps like a little girl and Austin is acting like he doesn’t hear it…Finally Austin rings the bell. (Lots of bleeps for Austin’s language quite stupid in all actuality.) Lawler and Austin share a few brews to end the match and Booker T. leaves the table to get a brew from Austin and wants in on the action. Booker does the Spinaroonie and gets a high five and a brew from Austin who then stuns Booker (Very Stupid Quite Mad at this year’s Mania). The GM chimes in however and it says that the referee overstepped his authority and Lawler is DQ’d and Cole wins. Austin and Lawler are mad and the crowd chants Bullsh*t. Mathew’s read the message and King threw him into Austin to eat a stunner.(Why Shoot the Messenger?). Austin rolls out on the ATV.
No Holds Barred Undertaker Defeated Triple H- Triple H enters to For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica for some God awful reason and has a bunch of people hiding behind shields and when they move he is dressed as a King (King of Kings Gimmick)…Long Pause then his actual music hits everything is D-X green…Dumb intro by Hunter. Yet another Looong Pause to waste time. Undertaker enters to a ridiculous pop from the Wrestlemania crowd and Ain’t No Grave hits, very long entrance from the Undertaker, the entire song plays. Both face off and back to the corners and the match starts, Triple H fires off early and Taker throws Hunter outside like paper by the throat. Hunter continues to outstrike Taker until Taker throws him into the steps. Taker takes apart the Spanish table and Hunter spears Taker into the Cole Mine destroying it. Hunter back into the ring and Taker sits up like vintage Taker but nimbly. Taker enters the ring and Hunter fires off, Taker lands his trademark flipping clothesline and gains advantage working over Hunter. Taker goes for Old School but it’s reversed and both men are down. Hunter clotheslines Taker to the outside and works Taker over outside and throws him into the barricade. Triple H takes apart the regular announce table and slams Taker into it. Hunter goes for the Pedigree on the table Taker tries a chockslam but Hunter goes for the Pedigree again and is backdropped to the floor. Undertaker looks very aged and on his last legs as a wrestler already. The crowd is divided with chants of 18-1 and 19-0 after a physical opening.
Taker then hits a suicide dive on Hunter ala Inferno Match vs Kane and the crowd chants “Holy Sh*t”. Taker plays to the crowd and rearranges the ring steps by the Spanish announce table, Taker slams Hunter into the steps and goes for a Tombstone on the steps, Hunter counters and hits a spinebuster on the announce table…Triple H botched this HORRIBLY…Both men recover and Hunter works over Taker getting him into the ring. Taker hits a Chokeslam for a near fall. Hunter works Taker over again in the corner and this is getting old…Taker then tries a Last Ride but its countered into a Pedigree which is reversed, Triple H hits another spinebuster for a near fall this time. Hunter grabs a chair and Taker hits a big boot so he doesn’t get hit and takes the chair to Hunter’s back of course(Damn PG you can telegraph chair shots now). Hunter hits a Pedigree and Taker kicks out but it was obvious as it is still early. Hunter goes for a superplex apparently this is move of the night, but its countered into a Last Ride and Hunter kicks out same as the Pedigree it was expected for a two count. Taker signals Tombstone and hits and Hunter kicks out…expected yet again. Taker is angry and grabs the chair again and sets it in place for a Tombstone on it, Hunter reverses into a DDT onto it and both men are down. Age is showing on both men 12 minutes in as both are gassed. Both struggle to their feet and Hunter hits a Pedigree for another near fall. Hunter hits another Pedigree and Taker kicks out again. Hunter hits Taker with the chair in the back 9 times in a row. Taker is getting up and Hunter screams “Stay Down!”. Hunter hits Taker in the head with a chair (Company No-No) and Both men are down again. Hunter is baffled at Taker trying to get up again. and yells “Stay Down” again then yells “Just Die Whats Wrong With You!” Taker grabs Hunter’s throat and lets go and back steps playing concussed and Hunter throat slashes and Tombstones the Undertaker who kicks out baffling Hunter again, who slides out and grabs his trademark sledgehammer. Taker tries to squirm away and Hunter takes the sledge but is caught in Hell’s Gate(a gogoplata). Hunter is fading and grabs the sledgehammer and goes to hit Taker but blacks out and drops it and then taps out. Both men sell the “war” they went through for awhile after the match (Made sense when actual physicality took place but irrelavent here most of Mania is wasting time for its Main Event its been obvious since Edge and Del Rio). Taker is pretending to be dying now and “stopped breathing” and is carted off (with the worst medical help ever if he was really hurt.)
John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Jersey Shore’s Snooki Defeated Dolph Ziggler and Laycool- Match starts with Trish and McCool…a few missed spots but typical work over Trish and let her comeback nothing special here…Trish goes for a Styles Clash to block Stratusfaction and both end up outside. Trish hits another spot (this is a spotfest for Trish). Head kick for a near fall by Trish as Ziggler breaks it up and John Morrison hits Starship Pain to the outside on Ziggler. Snooki is tagged in and booed to all hell and hits a handspring elbow then handspring splash for the cheesy win.
Miz vs. Cena-Miz enters with an inflatable Awesome sign that tears away (Clearly moving towards the kids generation) Cena comes out to a choir singing then it cuts to DMX LMFAO this is getting ridiculous. Cena now enters FINALLY! and now the official announcements. Match starts with Cena showing he is stronger than Miz. Feeling out process then a lock up, Miz gets a side headlock then is powered off into an Irish Whip and Cena hip tosses him and Miz backs into the corner. Miz gains the upper hand and Cena then makes his Superman comeback for a near fall. Miz misses his trademark signature corner clothesline and Cena hits a high risk move for a near fall. Miz dodges and Cena hits the turnbuckle, Miz hits a boot for a near fall. Miz works over Cena with some punches and Cena is over selling (but he is terrible in ring) as he botched a step over on Miz during a run off the ropes and faceplanted.
Cena recovers then hits the four moves of doom but Miz reverses the AA for a near fall. Cena goes for the STF-U but its countered, Miz counters again and almost scores a pinfall. Miz removes the turnbuckle pad and the ref replaces it, Cena gets an inside cradle but the ref missed until it was to late and Miz kicks out. Cena goes for the AA and its reversed but Miz is caught in the STF-U. Miz gets the rope and breaks the hold. Riley puts Cena into the turnbuckle and Miz its the Skull Crushing Finale for a near fall. Miz goes for it again but Cena throws Miz into the ref and hits an AA but the ref is out. Riley sneaks in and clunks Cena with the briefcase to the head and kicks out again. Miz now has the briefcase misses and hits Riley and Miz eats an AA and kicks out. Cena is measuring up Miz outside and three point stance clotheslines him over the barricade and Cena breaks the 10 count. Cena then counters Miz trying to leap the rail and both men are out in the crowd and both counted out for the draw. Rock then enters after the bout and takes jacket off ready for some Smackdown action but the GM chimes in but the Rock tells JR to stop and then King. Rock then gets the message himself and says the message says “and I think…It Doesn’t Matter What You Think.” and restarts the match with NO DQ no time limit and this match won’t end like this. “Take the computer the double count out and the fruity pebbles and shove them up your ass.” Cena goes for the AA and Miz counters Rock then hits Rock Bottom on Cena and Miz gets the pinfall for the win to end Wrestlemania XXVII. Rock and Miz have a staredown and Rock then beats down the Miz hitting all his trademark spots on the Miz from the spinebuster to the People’s Elbow and poses to end the show.