Doctor Curmudgeon® Have We Finally Reached the Bottom of the Barrel?
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By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist
Having completed her ablutions, Brooke Anderson Lemon, stepped in front of the mirror.
After adjusting her hair, she decided to wear the crimson silk bow that had been a gift from Dr. Jill Biden.
Dr. Biden had presented it to Brooke on the day she was appointed Press Secretary to the Biden canines.
Red was the perfect color for the day as she had an absurdity to discuss in her initial press conference. She felt that a strong color would add emphasis to her words. This particular issue was not what she had anticipated as the first feline to be a Press Secretary; but it was something she was anxious to deal with. Brooke wanted to set the tone for further conferences as she represented the First Canines of the United States.
Sighing, she fluffed her tail, opened the door and was escorted to the waiting car by her personal secret service attachment. She wondered if other press secretaries were obliged to have security escorts. A different time, a different day, she thought to herself.
“Good morning,” she said from the podium. “All of you know me and you have my credentials. Today, we won’t be discussing issues of national consequence. Unfortunately, something came up, promulgated by Newsmax, an entity that refers to itself as journalism. And I, personally wanted to comment about this.
“It was brought to my attention that an individual, who shall be nameless, has cast aspersions upon the marital relationship of Major and Champ’s parents.”
“Tucker Carlson!”
“Thank you, Miami Herald,” said Brooke. “At first, I laughed and thought it might be some strange parody from Saturday Night Live or The Onion.”
“So did most of us!”
“And a nod to you, New York Times,” grinned the Press Secretary.
“But then this bottom of the barrel hate monger outfit belittled the canines that I represent. I do not care to repeat what was said about these dignified dogs, with a long history of actually being working dogs. I am sure you have all seen what they have done in a very short time. Major and Champ have already been working diligently to present a public service video on the importance of COVId-19 prevention.”
A reporter stood up, saying “German Shepherds do have a blood line as working dogs and very trustworthy. I know several of them but haven’t met Major and Champ yet.”
“Washington Post, you will meet them soon. They have been busy on Twitter with many followers. They have planned a reception for next month and are deciding on a location on the grounds,” said Brooke.
The Press Secretary acknowledged the waving hand of the San Francisco Chronicle.
“Brooke, this was not a scheduled press conference. We all got a calendar listing and it wasn’t on it.”
“True, but It was the request of Champ and Major that we have a quick briefing. I don’t have to tell you how protective they are of their parents. Although they realized that few people would put faith in the trash recently spewed forth from Newsmax, they felt this must be addressed.”
The journalist from the Chicago Sun-Times was acknowledged, “Hi, Brooke, nice to see you. We’re delighted to see a feline as Press Secretary…just more of the diversity in the Biden Administration. But I wanted to know who authorized this kind of spur of the moment press conference? Did it come from the president?”
“No, Champ and Major were irate about the slurs thrown about the relationship of their parents. They knew that such disgusting rancor would always be there. But they felt it was important that they stand up and express their anger and disgust about such lies.”
“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you so much for being here with me on such short notice. And may I add that, after more than forty years of a relationship, it is stunning to find an insinuation that the relationship between Jill and Joe Biden is a sham. How amazing that they could pretend to share such devotion for so many decades. Just boggles my mind.”
Dr. Curmudgeon suggests “Bitter Medicine”, Dr. Eugene Eisman’s story of his experiences–from the humorous to the intense—as a young army doctor serving in the Vietnam War.
Bitter Medicine by Eugene H. Eisman, M.D. –on Amazon
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”
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