No Longer A Victim, It’s Time To Move On And Forward

By Ty Ross

Taking responsibility is a choice. One you need to make and put yourself in a frame of mind to be accountable. Responsibility is the action; accountability is the upkeep. It is how you maintain perspective with the choices and decisions you make.

When I talk about responsibility and accountability, I don’t mean beating yourself up for choices you’ve made. Drowning in guilt and regret. No, I’m talking about acceptance. Accepting that there are things you could have, should have, done differently.

By acknowledging your role in keeping you from being your best self, you will have the perspective you need moving forward to not make the same choices when finding yourself in a similar situation presently, and in the future.

This can be difficult for many. Let’s be honest, no one wants to admit they’re wrong. Even me. But recognizing why you previously reacted or responded in a way that yielded negative results is important. You want to avoid getting sucked into a pattern of negative behavior and ultimately behave better than you have been.

On the journey to being the best version of myself, it would be a long while before I got to a place where I took responsibility and held myself accountable. My relationship with my 3rd ex-husband (yes third), had a lot to do with that.

After years of infidelity, arguing, fighting and playing the blame game- enough was enough! But even after I left, I was consumed with anger. Unfortunately, and embarrassingly, I let it get the best of me. Festering, growing and eating away at whatever sanity and emotional stability I had left.

Wondering how he could do this to me after everything I had done for him. Everything I put up with. I deserved justice. I was committed to reminding him of that. To be honest, I’m not even sure what that justice would be. What I considered a swift and appropriate punishment, who the hell knows. But I was going full steam ahead anyway, in airing my grievances.

No one was safe. Family and friends would be put in the middle. Whether they wanted to be or not. I was going to shame him into complicity by spilling the beans on the most intimate and embarrassing details of our relationship. No matter how ugly. It didn’t dawn on me that I wasn’t showing myself in the best light either. But at the time, I didn’t care. Trashing him was more important to me than taking responsibility for whatever choices I made. Any role I had in where things between us ended up.

The driving force behind my anger was ego. And pride. Looking back, I now understand that we must fall to our lowest point to be pushed to our highest self.
I’m not sure the exact moment it happened. The day I woke up and felt different. The day I accepted the part I had played in dragging things out and staying in a situation that I knew was toxic and going nowhere. But when I did, all of the anger just went away. And you better believe I wanted to be angry. So much so, that I was angry at myself for not continuing to be angry with him.

My anger and I had become one. I was bound to my victimhood. Without it, who was I? I was invested in it. But I was evolving in perspective, and the choice to hold myself accountable. It was a contradiction to who I had resigned myself to be. But I had reached the point of no return. And the next time I saw him I was overcome with emotion. But not the anger I was so desperately searching for, nor the love I thought would pain me forever.

No, it was neither. The overwhelming sensation washing over me, through me, was pity. I pitied him for not knowing any better way to be than the person standing before me. Either he didn’t get it or didn’t care. Neither had anything to do with me. That lack of awareness made him sad, but I didn’t need to dwell on that. I knew what I had to do moving forward. I was no longer tethered to my ego. No longer a pawn in the game of love and life without any input or will of my own. I was capable and willing to take control of my life and its direction.

This new perspective- of my past, present and future, had opened a door of opportunities. A pathway to purpose, and the beginning of living a life joyous, happy and fulfilled. A new destiny had been created. One overflowing with positivity and impact.

At the end of the day, we all want to live a life we can be proud of. Real growth, real change and real progress begins within. When you tire of things happening to you, rather than for you, then you know something has got to change. When you tire of things falling apart and falling through. When you are ready to nail shut the revolving door of chaos that has defined and shaped your life until that point. One you allowed to exist because you refused to let go of the emotional trap that being a victim insures.

The only person you end up letting down is yourself. What you don’t want to happen is the realization that you contributed; that you accomplished nothing. That the entire world, and everyone in it, went on without you.

Check out Ty’s book THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE. It’s a collection of affirmations she wrote to get her through a difficult time in her life. Words of wisdom that apply to anyone, and everyone, to get through the hard times. If you’re questioning yourself, and need a reminder that you are in control… Click HERE to order your copy.

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