Lavender Gown

By Bethany “BST2” Armstrong

When I was a young girl, I attended one of my dad’s “floozy softball bimbos” weddings. My miserable mother made a nasty commentary throughout. She hated that he coached women’s softball, though it has been a lasting passion of his – he still watches women’s college softball – and he is nothing less than 100% loyal to my batshit mother.

When the bride walked down the aisle, I gasped. Her gown was the faintest lavender and the most beautiful dress I had ever seen. I whispered to my mother that I wanted a wedding dress like hers. Mother said I couldn’t have one because white was for first marriages and pastel dresses were for hussies on their second or third marriage.

I decided then and there that I would have to get married at least twice so that I could look as beautiful as the bride. Thirty-some years later, I’m shopping for the perfect lavender gown. I may be a hussy, but I’ll be a beautiful one.

[si-contact-form form=’2′]