In A Country Where Just Being Black Can Be A Death Sentence, How Does A Mother Protect Her Son?

By Ty Ross

In December 2020, Second Lieutenant Caron Nazario was pulled over by police officers in Windsor, VA. When lights flashed, Nazario did what we are taught to if it’s dark, he drove to a well light gas station approximately a mile and a half away.

It is less what happened, than the words and attitude of the officers. The arrogance and willful disregard for Mr. Nazario’s rights in what should have been a routine traffic stop. But with guns drawn before even talking to Mr. Nazario, the officers involved proved that this was more about asserting control and instilling fear, than following or upholding the law.

Two weeks into the trial of former Minnesota police officer Derek Chauvin for the murder of George Floyd, the high-profile nature and sheer heinous nature of a crime witnessed by millions around the world, you would think would be enough to keep officers from over-stepping their bounds. If for no other reason than the potential consequence and prosecution. But unfortunately, little has happened on the part of officers around the country to curtail their behavior and be protectors instead of persecutors.

What happened to Nazario hits home for a multitude of reasons. He may only be 11 years old now, but fast forward a couple years and this could easily have been my son.

In a little over four years, Christopher will be old enough to drive. If he’s lucky enough to pass his driving test, he will be legally able to navigate the roads on his own.

And that terrifies me more than you know.

I know that I can’t lock him in the house, but the anxiety that grips me any time he isn’t within arm’s reach is unimaginable. Sooner or later, I am going to have to let him go, but knowing what awaits him out there in the world, is the stuff a mom’s nightmares are made of.

As he gets older, it’s time to whip out my Mom of a Black Son Rulebook. Now it isn’t an actual book, but those things moms of little black boys know and go over with their sons around this age to prepare them for the responsibilities that come with being black and being male. I do it now because, even age offers no protection.

Childhoods get shortened for little boys of color. They are not afforded the luxury of making 11-year old boy mistakes. Tamir Rice was only 12 when he was shot and killed by police while playing with a toy gun. They didn’t even stop the car.

It’s necessary to understand they have a different set of rules to live by. Stay away from wood, rivers and creeks. Fishing, climbing trees and hide-and-go seek in the woods are rites of passage for young boys. If those boys are white. For moms of black boys, we see trees where our boys can be hung, and waters where they could be drowned.

No walking to the store for candy or wearing anything that will cover your head and make you appear threatening to someone not of color. No hoodies allowed. Even if it’s cold.

Driving while black, walking while black, biking while black, playing while black, jogging while black and in some cases – just being black, is reason to be cautious and on guard, because you never know who may be watching and waiting. Lurking in the shadows, or even out in the open for the opportunity to take my boy from me.

While the Mom of a Black Son Rulebook, even if followed, is no guarantee of safety; it at least gives our little black boys a fighting chance of survival and a chance to grow into healthy black men.

Check out Ty’s book THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE. It’s a collection of affirmations she wrote to get her through a difficult time in her life. Words of wisdom that apply to anyone, and everyone, to get through the hard times. If you’re questioning yourself, and need a reminder that you are in control… Click HERE to order your copy.

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