Doctor Curmudgeon® Help! The Future is Here!
By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist
‘What a lovely morning,’ thought Sir Galahad as he stood on the front porch. The air smelled crisp. Only a gentle breeze ruffled his fur. And the sun beamed down. He watched the squirrel family enjoying their breakfast of mixed nuts that the Curmudgeon household provided for them (Galahad is the brilliant Siberian Husky who is part of the Curmudgeon family and oversees the entire household)
After retrieving the Miami Herald (the family are dinosaurs who need their morning newspaper served with their coffee), he almost stumbled over a large package.
It was addressed to Doctor Curmudgeon.
The return address was from The White House and from Champ and Major Biden, the First Canines.
Obviously a gift, Gally (as he is known to the family) pawed his way up the stairs to the kitchen, where Doctor Curmudgeon was attempting to clean the mess she had made in a futile try at creating the morning coffee.
Opening the box for her, as the little doctor had difficulty opening boxes without completely demolishing them, he handed the enclosed card to the physician.
“Ooh,” she said, “It’s a gift from Champ and Major.”
To his dismay, Galahad found a cleaning robot nestled safely in mounds of bubble wrap.
Doctor Curmudgeon read the gift card:
“We were so sorry to hear of your travails with mopping the floor and the whirling pads on your mop. We know you are intrigued by robots and so we are sending you this wonderful device that washes the floor, vacuums, cleans itself and returns to its charging unit.
“Enjoy this robot. Mama Jill and Pap Joe use it at our home in Delaware and Pap Joe feels it is quite a time saver.
“Love to the family. From Champ, Major, Aunt Jill and Uncle Joe.”
And so, the cleaning, washing robot was set up in the Curmudgeon household.
Galahad was not happy about this technological addition. In his opinion, this was an unneeded household accessory that would simply add to the clutter he was valiantly attempting to limit.
He saw no difficulty in running the vacuum or the battery operated mop with its rotating pads. They both did a good job, and a cleaning service came in once a week for more thorough scouring.
Eyeing the robot with distrust, he decided to take a much needed break and read some of the journals that he had set aside.
His peace was shattered by a freakish noise and he realized that the stupid robot had a faulty sensor and did not stop at the stairs, but decided to clatter its way down.
Retrieving the errant machine, he did what he could to reset its sensors and placed it securely in its charger.
Midnight. All the Curmudgeons were nestled in their beds. Quiet and calm pervaded the home. Suddenly, an unearthly noise disturbed the peace.
The entire family was awakened. Following the noise, everyone trod downstairs to the kitchen.
Even Doctor Curmudgeon was horrified and realized it was time to give the robotic vacuum cleaner to anybody who would give it a decent home (not that it deserved it, she thought)
The creepy robot had plugged in the vacuum cleaner and was wildly humping that poor appliance!
Dr. Curmudgeon suggests “Bitter Medicine”, Dr. Eugene Eisman’s story of his experiences–from the humorous to the intense—as a young army doctor serving in the Vietnam War.
Bitter Medicine by Eugene H. Eisman, M.D. –on Amazon
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”
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