Doctor Curmudgeon® My Mug and I

By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist

Upon opening the door to the exam room, I found a sad Patient, his shoulders slumped and his mouth down turned, “Oh, Doc, I’m not happy.”

Observing him, I hearkened back to the words of my esteemed professor, Dr. William Osler. It was around the turn of the century that I recall sitting in a classroom and listening to this great “Father of Modern Medicine.”

Although I, myself, am a noted curmudgeon (and an honored member of the World Society of Curmudgeons) I continue to abide by the words of my teacher.

Dr. Osler frequently told us, “Listen to your patient; he is telling you the diagnosis”

Thus, I widened my eyes, perked up my ears, and sat a bit forward as my dejected looking patient continued his lugubrious lament

It appears that he was a social media frequenter. A minimum of three hours per day was spent in keeping up to date with what was happening in his on-line world.

It was in these places that he was able to garner his “scientific information,” and by doing so, he felt well educated. He told me that he had done his “research” on the subject.

I continued to look interested as he finally got to the point of his melancholy.

It appears that he learned that coffee was bad. He poured out his heart and related the results of his research on social media. He had learned that coffee was a dreadful drink and the drinking of this beverage was an abominable habit.

Parenthetically, I must add that he was diagnostically obese, smoked a minimum of one pack a day, and, of course, he was adept at using three remotes to control his entertainment.

He informed me that he had listened to my advice and walked between his television programs. How admirable! This walk enabled him to roam the kitchen in pursuit of snacks to sustain him

For years, deeply flawed studies have vainly attempted to link coffee to health hazards. Obvious non-coffee drinkers have associated it with such things as pancreatic cancer.

It does seem that coffee is “safest” when brewed using a paper filter. And, there are a few risks to drinking coffee. At this point in time, it is felt that pregnant woman should either limit their intake or not drink it all, and it is best to keep it away from your children

A moderate amount of coffee, about or three cups a day is not a problem for most of us. It contains polyphenols. These friendly antioxidants fight against inflammation. Coffee binds to the adenosine receptors on cell membranes of many tissues, including the central nervous system and platelets. Adenosine slows down the activity of nerve cells and causes drowsiness. And since Adenosine is now blocked by the caffeine, the nerve cells speed up; and excitatory neurotransmitters can be released

Continuing to take the advice of “Doctor Internet,” my unhappy patient misses that one cup of morning coffee. He also perseveres in his abhorence against all vaccinations. He has done his “research.”

I go back a few years to the thoughts of a wise Greek poet who thrived somewhere around 700B.C. His name is Hesiod and he wrote, “‘observe due measure; moderation is best in all things’

And, please avoid that coffee enema!

Dr. Curmudgeon suggests “Bitter Medicine”, Dr. Eugene Eisman’s story of his experiences–from the humorous to the intense—as a young army doctor serving in the Vietnam War.

Bitter Medicine by Eugene H. Eisman, M.D. –on Amazon

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.

SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”

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