Bozos in Space…

By Bethany “BST2” Armstrong

On July 20th 2021, Jeff Bezos succeeded in his mission to get off this rock for a few minutes. Instead of inspirational words, the question “Who wants a Skittle?” was asked. Based on Bezos’ track record of generosity it must be assumed that only a single Skittle was offered.

Upon exiting his phallic rocket, Bezos thanked Amazon employees and customers that “paid for all this.” Yes, Amazon workers paid for a Billionaire’s midlife crisis with their bodies and their dignity. Amazon drivers are forced to pee in bottles and work without health insurance during a global pandemic. Any attempts to unionize have been met with brutal resistance. Poor pay (a median income of $29k per year) coupled with harsh working conditions and constant supervision make for a hostile work environment. Workers being tested positive for Covid and some even dying for a $2/hour hazard pay.

The workers certainly paid but the total price tag of Darth Bozos’ ego trip remains unknown. Though the fuel he used was less harmful than the other billionaire bastard Branson’s jaunt – a mix of nitrous oxide and hydroxyl-terminated polybutadiene (HTPB) which is created through a process that is known to have toxic and planet-heating emissions – less harmful doesn’t mean harmless. Bezo’s buttplug used liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen; though they don’t release carbon when burned, the process of producing them typically does. We will all pay for this hubris masquerading as progress. Now, who wants a Skittle?

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