Rudy Giuliani is About to Be Broke and Behind Bars

By Nikki Slusher

The former president’s personal attorney is taking some real heat — and this time it isn’t just his hair dye that’s running out. Rudy Giuliani, the once successful federal prosecutor and beloved NYC mayor, is no longer looking at being just another cell mate in NY, but he is also reportedly going broke from all the mounting legal fees that Donald Trump isn’t planning on paying for him.

It was only a few days ago when Poo-dy Giuliani said that he was “willing to go to jail” over what he claimed that the “lawless” Ukraine investigation was a political move done to attack TFG and his allies. “I committed no crime, and if you think I committed a crime, you’re probably really stupid, because you don’t know who I am,” he said.

While he claims he did nothing wrong, the Ukrainian investigation is just one of the many legal woes Giuliani is facing in the aftermath of what is the greatest temper tantrum anyone has ever seen before by Trump after his landslide loss to President Joe Biden in November of last year. Since then, Trump lost and can’t shut up. Neither did the long list of characters who spouted off the “Big Lie” over the last nine months.

Now Trump, his oldest children, and everyone in their orbit have either been convicted, indicted, or are under federal investigation for crimes ranging from tax evasion to acting as unregistered foreign agents to numerous lawsuits. Giuliani is not only dealing with a federal investigation but also a $1.3 billion lawsuit by Dominion Voting Systems for his false allegations of election fraud that was rejected by over 60 judges, SCOTUS, and has been proven recount after recount to be unequivocally fake news.

Giuliani has also been barred from practicing law in NY and DC while pending further investigation by the American Bar Association into his actions, before and after the election. While Rudy tooty is accumulating millions in legal fees, his allies are worried that Trump’s fiercest fighter is on the verge of being broke since his legal defense fund has raised almost nothing compared to Trump who has raised more many than any other Republican has this year — a cool $82 million with the promise that the funds are to help stop the steal. Trump has not used any of the funds towards recounts and audits, but instead it has gone to fixing up his properties.

It doesn’t stop there either. Trump has reportedly stopped taking Rudy’s calls and is refusing to pay for any of his legal woes. Trump’s aides have reportedly advised him that Giuliani is “problematic” for the former guy and his bank account. They’ve also told Trump that Giuliani should’ve known better than to do the things he did. Giuliani’s supporters are “aghast” that Trump is shutting out the man who fought effortlessly on his behalf. Not sure why, it’s not like Trump has a history of not paying for things and letting people take the fall while he avoids any consequences — we haven’t forgotten about Michael Cohen yet, have we?

It also seems that Trump only paid Giuliani $1,000 per day, or around $76,000, for his legal aid although Giuliani billed him $20,000 per day. Trump’s lawyers for his second impeachment made upward of $500,000 for the few days they represented him in front of Congress for his role in inciting the insurrection at the Capitol on January 6th. The reasoning is rumored that Trump was so disappointed that Rudy failed to win a single case on the baseless election fraud claims and felt that he was overpaying when he gave $1,000 each day.

Now left out on his own, the man once known as “America’s mayor” is nothing more than a soon-to-be felon, facing real time behind bars as a way to end his life’s work. The only legacy he will have left is his stunt in the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot, a son who thinks he will be governor of New York, and not a single ounce of support from the man he lost it all for.

On behalf of all the broke bitches in the country I’d like to formally welcome Rudy Giuliani to a life of ramen noodles, eviction notices for unpaid rent, and only being able to change his Depends every other day since his prison wage will probably afford him one pack a month. Maybe next time everyone warns you over four years that Trump is going to screw you that you’ll hopefully listen.

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