Op-ed: Abortion – My Personal Experience…

By Lisa Tafoya

This isn’t something I often share. It’s not a story I’m proud of and is something I’ve tried very hard to push down to the deep, dark places of my heart and mind because of the pain it causes. However, the most recent legislation in Texas that took effect on September 1st has given me the incentive and the courage to speak. As a mother, as a teacher, as someone who knows what it is to have to choose one life over another, the time has come to stand up and make my voice heard.

My first daughter was born late December of 2001. I was a single mother, had decided to go back to college when I became pregnant with her, and living with my amazing mom because my daughter’s father kicked me out when my pregnancy was realized. At this point abortion wasn’t an option. My grandmother told me “Hita, everything is going to be ok. You can come here if you need.” I felt safe and loved. My mom, despite being upset at the situation, cried when we found out I was having a girl, and spoiled her rotten. This child never lacked for anything and has been loved beyond reason.

In late 2002, I started seeing someone for the first time since my ex and I had broken up a year before. My grandmother had died in September, and I had spiraled into a depression and series of bad decisions resulting from self-medicating. My beautiful baby girl turned 1 in December. School was going well. In late February, early March, I discovered I was pregnant again. My birth control had failed. To say it came as a shock to the both of us was an understatement. I think he wanted to do the right thing but being 26 he wasn’t ready for it and got distant, effectively fading out of the picture. I was given a choice by my mom to abort or move out. At this time, I didn’t believe in abortion, so I chose to leave. I was fortunate to have friends who had space, and they offered my daughter and I a home.

As time passed, I came to the painful realization that this man was not going to be a father to this child or my daughter. I was terrified that my baby girl would suffer from lack of affection with a new baby in the picture and being so far from grandma. I was afraid I’d never be able to finish my education. At 16 weeks, I called my mother and told her that I had decided to get an abortion. She hated that I’d struggled with the decision for so long, but I think was ultimately ok with it because she knew the struggles of being a single mom.

On June 12, 2003, my mother and I went to the clinic, and I had an abortion. I was nearly too late as Texas law didn’t allow them after 20 weeks. Initially, the relief was palpable. My decision was not without consequences. I spiraled into a deep depression again, started using again, dropped out of school. The lie that I told my family was that there was no heartbeat, that I’d lost the baby. I hated myself for the lie almost as much as I did for the deed. The love I felt for my daughter, and the fact that she was happy and healthy mitigated the worst of it. It took several years before I was able to forgive myself.

A few years later, I met and married the father of my son who was born in 2006. The marriage was short lived as he had his own demons. I finished my education and went on to get my Master’s Degree as well knowing that it wouldn’t be long before he was dead or in prison.

I was diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar II disorder with bipolar depression, and severe anxiety. I’ve struggled maintaining consistent work, I’ve struggled to find a balance with work and being there for my kids as a single mom. There aren’t enough hours in the day. I was unable to afford for them to participate in school sports, and we didn’t get to do many things that a dual income household could afford, but that was ok, because we had each other and they saw and understood how hard I worked, even when things got rough.

There are times like now, where food insecurity and the ability to pay my rent are issues. I have made questionable choices with regards to my romantic relationships, but ALWAYS protected my children. I would die and kill for them, no questions asked. I have other children who I consider mine and whom I’d lay down my life for. It is for these children, for all my daughters, that I write this.

A man has absolutely NO RIGHT TO DICTATE WHAT A WOMAN DOES WITH HER OWN BODY. Their personal and religious beliefs have no place in government, and yet we are now being forced into a position to carry a child to term regardless of financial means, whether we are raped or molested, or whether it puts our own lives at risk. We, as women, mothers, as human beings, can not allow this to stand. I had to make a choice that haunts me to this day. That child would be turning 18 in November. While I hate that I had to make that choice, I know in my heart I did the right thing for the child I HAD.

Texas, it’s time to stand up and fight. We need to vote! We need to get these people who think they know what’s best for us to understand that our bodies are OURS. We are not property. We are not brood mares, or chattel. We need to fight for our children who cannot fight for themselves and ensure that they have a choice! We need to make sure that our future generations have a voice. We can not be silent any longer. To all my fellow Texans, you holler if you need me. I’ll do whatever I can to help while this disgusting law is in place. Abbott be damned.

Thank you “Bad” Brad, for inviting me to speak my truth. You’ve honored me with this privilege, and I appreciate you.