Ringside Report Op-ed: Your Shame Not Mine…

By Anna McLaine

To my esteemed brothers and sisters,

I will begin by first expressing my deep sadness for what women have endured and are continuing to endure globally. No story is worse or more significant than any other, it’s proportionate and determined by every individual’s unique set of circumstances. People also process events and trauma differently. It is not a linear path to healing, but a zig zagging of seeing what works to alleviate your symptoms of distress and what does not.

Healing and progress for Abortion Rights are similar. They can be one step up, two steps back but always moving forward. I’m pro-choice. And receiving an abortion is not always a difficult choice for a woman, it’s not a baby, it’s healthcare.

I am a survivor of sexual child rape and abuse, and human trafficking. Yes, these are very intense shocking words, and yes these are some very intense shocking things that happen, to many individuals worldwide. They happened to me. It is extremely common, mostly under our noses and sometimes under our own roofs.

I am a survivor, I am still healing and have been everyday for the past 40 years. I will continue to do so until my last breathe. It’s everyone’s path in life, to heal from all of the nonsense, sort through the junk and come back to ourselves. Our jobs as human beings I feel, is to discern what is crap and what is shinola, and only then are we empowered to make skillful decisions which can truly benefit humanity.

No my parents did not do this to me, in fact my parents are beautiful souls and human beings. I am extremely fortunate. It was a neighbor boy and his older brothers, and from the ages 6 to10 I was assaulted, harassed and raped. I was first raped at six. It’s an uncomfortable thing for people to openly discuss. However, it is not for me. It happened, and there is no shame in factual things that have happened to you in your life. Ever.

I was a shy kid, all the signs were there that something pretty awful had happened to me, but few noticed. That’s where it all went wrong. If not parents and the nuclear family, the community around the child needs to recognize the signs of abuse, so there may be appropriate intervention. I am third generation Holocaust and my father is an immigrant. He ran a shmatta shop with his parents on the lower east side of Manhattan, working his way through school. He worked so, so hard for his family, selflessly. My mother was from that time as well. They did their utmost to raise my brother and myself the best they knew how, with the capacity, knowledge and resources they had. We also had no money, and with that, parents sometimes both working to make ends meet, unintentionally may neglect a child. I was a latch key kid in the 80s.

I love them, I like them and I respect them along with every other parent. It is indeed a profound job and responsibility. I wish we could support parents more so they can actually focus on the most important task at hand, parenting. Despite my parent’s best efforts, leading their honest lives left me vulnerable to predators and eventually traffickers. That is how it works. I was so traumatized growing up I barely finished high school, and dropped out of college. My life was completely stolen and my body was not my own anymore. This is how it feels to be raped and to be trafficked is a prison sentence. Predators can always sniff out the weak, and they meticulously strategize their attack.

Being trafficked simply meant for me, I was moved around place to place, to be raped and abused. My family didn’t know what was going on, and in fact my abusers were individuals who befriended my family. This is called grooming, as all of my Law and Order SVU super fans are aware of.

Yes, there are more extensive definitions for HumanTrafficking but I’m advocating for women and our Abortion Rights today. I will not go into the particular details of my trafficking experience for personal reasons which I hope to be respected for at this time, however, I am open about every horrible thing that has ever happened to me, because they also happen to other women frequently. This is why I speak out.

Survivor’s stories are how we fight injustice. They are the most important documentation for advocacy and policy change. They are also highly cathartic and therapeutic for the survivor to release their shame, and receive confirmation from others that they are seen, heard and believed.

My host body as some are now calling it, in total received five abortions from rape. My story is at the extreme end of the spectrum. My husband and friends say I look perfectly normal on the outside and my psychiatrist called me an anomaly on my first visit. I apparently made another therapist cry when I shared my story and that was rather awkward. The point is, I really shouldn’t be here today, but I’m happy I am. I’m no more unique than any other woman except for my circumstances. I vowed that one day when I have healed sufficiently, I will pay it forward. This is what I am doing today.

I am diagnosed with complex PTSD which means along with one traumatic event I was unable to process at a given point in time, I had like 30 on top of that as well, compounded trauma. Healing from CPTSD is like unwinding a ball of yarn, every strand an uncomfortable PTSD moment stored in the brain and body, needing to be rewired or released out of the body. It’s hard work, but my grandparents who survived the Holocaust showed me that you absolutely can overcome anything. I also believe in science and nueroplasticity. Our brains heal and our physical brains can change. All is not hopeless.

Without these abortions I would have had five children in total. One pregnancy was conjoined twins, the three of us would have perished if I followed to term. I had to travel across state lines to legally receive the procedure. I was already traumatized, but to be persecuted to the extent that I could go to jail for saving my own life, pounded another shame nail in my host body’s coffin.

Iv’e made my peace with the past and what was done to me, how I coped, how I still cope, how I survived and I think time to time about the abortions. Seeing how I barely scraped by the skin of my teeth, I wonder; Where would these children be today? Would Americans living in poverty be paying for them? Would they be In the fate and care of the foster system or worse? How much money and care would the individuals, who were so opposed to me getting an abortion, be contributing to this child’s life and well being? These are still my questions.

Our system is rigged to fail; financially, socially, mentally, spiritually and physically. It is an entertainment saturated, over sexualized, puritanical, misogynistic and racist, parfait sundae. We have been primed for years with media propaganda, numbing out the masses in preparation for planting hate ideology, in the fertile ground of complacent minds. The seeds of hate have been overwatered in very recent history.

I’m only here today writing this by the grace of divine intervention, the power of love, and random acts of kindness along the way. I survived. We just need one person to hear us, one person to stand by our side, but an army of men and women arm in arm, fighting for Human Rights is unstoppable. There is no human more powerful than a perturbed survivor. We’ve been through the worst, we’ve pulled ourselves out of the worst many, many times, we’re relentless, we don’t scare and we’re like unstoppable bulldozers. We’re pretty much like professional boxers, without the awards. SCOTUS and its specific member’s benefactors, really made a very unskillful decision in Texas.

Most importantly, as a survivor you are absolutely more than what happened to you. As you heal, your stories become just stories and you are freed up to write your own narrative. There is a canvas waiting to be painted and your years of suffering are now the brilliant colors of your palette.

I will be marching, protesting, shouting from the mountain tops, sending singing telegrams and releasing carrier pigeons for Abortion Rights on Saturday October 2nd, 2021. Please join me, nationwide. International ladies and gents, I hope you will stand with us in solidarity. This is a historic day for the United States of America, and for women worldwide. It is life or death for Democracy and now we all must take our stand to the streets.

Thank you to Bad Brad for his deep kindness, generosity to humanity, and giving myself and others a platform for justice, my grandparents and all survivors of genocide and hate crimes against humanity, my parents, my husband and every one along the way who believed I could do great things with my life.

To President Biden and Jill, thank you for your sincere empathy, concern for me and my fellow sisters and your love for our entire nation. I also would like to extend my condolences and love to you and your family. You have been through so much. The individuals you have become and your strength of character are only a couple of the billion reasons why I voted for you. I might add you are doing an unbelievably stellar job, thank you.

In solidarity with the finer qualities of humanity. Long live: Love, empathy, kindness, generosity, courage, strength, endurance, compassion, ethics, patience, integrity, equanimity and joy. May this find everyone healthy and happy. See you in October!!! Xox

Love and very best wishes,
Anna McLaine