Procrastination…

By Janet Grace

We all know one, can raise our hand proudly, or hide in the shamefulness of it all.

First of all, don’t pay any mind to anything your old fashioned parents had to say about shame being a prerequisite for having a good conscience. If it sounds stupid, you’re on the right track.

Expressing the need for caring for and paying attention to one’s own intuition is a primal need to build self awareness and confidence. Let’s get that shit cleared up, right; TF, away.
Back in “de ol’ deys”, parents who came from those nonsensical beliefs involving child abuse strived to knock the intuition, self awareness and confidence right out of their children before they could think fast enough to hide.

Some learn the art of manipulation as a self defense tool. Others, hand raised here, learn to think on their feet at a very young age for self preservation, which quickens the mind’s fight or flight instincts and makes for a person who will always win. They had to, to survive, beginning at a very young age. They have years of experience as well as their lives, to prove it.
Some see Procrastination as a reward for having had to listen and obey without the ability to voice one’s opinion.

Make no mistake, Procrastination can be also used as unconscious self-harm and self-sabotage by recreating the chaotic environment one experienced at some point in life. It’s an “F.U.” to the tormentors except they’re no longer part of the equation and the only one you’re hurting is, Ta-Da! You Guessed It. Give this guy a pie.

Instinct and Procrastination go hand in hand and can actually be described in a similar fashion depending upon where one’s mind is in, with relation to being more on the cynical, pessimistic side or open minded; optimistic, and “straight up facts”, side. It’s not a “make wrong”; mind you, this is more of an “a-ha! Cool, one more tool to examine, learn from and grow wiser with.

Who likes driving on the fast lane? I do. How’s about; like, riding horses? ATV’s? Anything that moves faster than speed of light? If that’s the case you’ll find me there. I love diving off high cliffs into warm waters, although I haven’t done so in awhile. I love biking, racing, you get the picture. I get the same thrill from waiting until the last minute, to get ‘whatever the hell it is’, done. The sad truth is that; in that last minute, I do such an excellent job — I surprise myself time and time again. Different strokes for different folks, Loves.

My sister (rest her everythingness) would be so criticized by my mom: unnecessarily. She kept everything bottled up inside. She was afraid to make a move, for fear of being judged, until she fell in love. Together, the young couple, grew a pair, finding strength within each other and they got TF outta Dodge. Well, actually, that’s where they landed, but you get my vibe, yeah?

Some people just can’t make up their minds. I remember going to shop for a coat and they were all so gorgeous, I ended up with two for me, one for the man, plus a hat for me, which he ended up loving, wearing and a truckload of stuff for my babies. I could NOT make up my mind, so took it all. I remember the women I worked with looked at each other as if I had three horns and a tail. Hey, that’s why I worked three jobs with no vacations and no complaints! Que se Jodan, Coño! Oy!

So what’s up with that Procrastination, anyway?

I was curious to know so I looked it up, started reading about it and I want to share a tiny bit of what I found out and my hypothesis on the matter, ‘cause: Why not?
If you scroll up and re-read from the beginning up to here, some of you may find the missing link; ergo, my hypothesis. You see, in none of these scenarios are we dealing with the inability to wrap our minds around the possible horror; fright; trauma; etc., we may have encountered.

Just by having been told once, that ones juvenile; yet equally valid, opinion is worthless, is cause for a child’s self worth to be shattered. A child’s mind is as fragile as it is resilient. They believe everything their parental figures tell them beginning with Santa and the Toòth Fairy, Religious Beliefs and Whatever Otha Mishugna Fakakta Bobbymyseh!

They may; instead, resist and become obstinate or a variety of the many charming ways children who have it in for you teens to behave or they may he prompted to quit before they develop the innate ability to defend themselves. All this? Why? To avoid the feelings of fear, anxiety, stress, worry, caused by the thought of standing up for themselves and being physically, emotionally, verbally or otherwise assaulted.

One of the triggers fueling “Procrastination” seems to stem from, not ever having learned how to; perhaps, you weren’t allowed to — acknowledge or even reach knowing HOW to articulate — the spiritual, mental, emotional, physical triggers; which, when addressed, may impress upon some to become type “A” personalities: precise, articulate and timely in all affairs. This, to counteract the less desired learned habit.

If there is an area in your existence which; through examination, you realize you may procrastinate upon, and you’ve not yet discovered or analyzed the little “trolls” or “gremlins” running around your subconscious mind, wreaking havoc as you (attempt to) think.

Some refer to it as “The Circus”; however, whatever it is you decide to use to define it, do so – at your earliest convenience. It’s time to check under the hood and clean out some of those old beliefs and even practice saying all those things you wished you would have, could have said in all those instances upon which you swallowed your tongue or something – else, instead, in front of a mirror. If you thought it sounded risqué before, do it in your birthday suit. Tell yourself you’re looking mahvelous as you pass by the full length mirror.

The more at ease you are with yourself, the easier you are capable of handling the ‘huffy-tuffy-crème-puffy’™ situations in life. Don’t be surprised if you walk into that restaurant and ask that gorgeous manager you’ve only fantasized about, out for a coffee and a friendly: “Come With”. It’ll take you weeks to realize you’ve been putting off doing that for weeks, months, lifetime’s but you had an answer for everything and were two steps ahead of the game because of the confidence gained while evaluating and re-evaluating your SELF.

A thousand years ago, I took a fancy schmancy course called “Design Your Body” in NYC, created by an amazing, gentle man, a natural Healer, in the true sense of the word. This; coming from a USUI Reiki Master, who can sense DIVINE ENERGY, AKA “LOVE”, in a dirty sneaker! “John” is all I remember.

The most brilliant lesson I learned, was from this man and his course. We were to stare at ourselves daily for minutes at a time, gradually increasing the time. Being one who was not allowed to gaze at my own reflection, especially while having my hair done, staring at myself for five minutes a day for a week, ten, twenty, etc. was a feat for a special type of person. What I learned in the coming weeks was that after talking myself apart, inch by inch, criticizing myself negatively every step of the way, there came a day when the bashing ceased. I realized I looked slimmer, sleeker, really good, in fact, and the “Holy Yuck” became: “Hey, not bad. I can see a six pack — on the second refrigerator shelf, I mean.

By the end of three months, I’d accomplished a whole list of things I couldn’t have imagined completing. Besides the weight that melted off due to my watching what went within my sacred space, I got 3 significant raises that year, all because I was suddenly more aware of when to solely listen and observe. There’s a reason we have two eyes, two ears, one mouth. When you’re taught to camouflage your SELF at all costs, the compromise weighs heavily on your life experience, as though this “character” that life has attempted to portray you as, has the NERVE to have ANY say on who YOU truly are? Being able to balance the two, is thee skill to be had once you become aware of its many uses.

Some hold on so tightly to their: “I can’t, I don’t, I won’t’s”, that they cut their own Freedoms off to spite their Wings. These silly lies are NOT part of your true being, or your flesh. Their message is NOT true! They are a figment of someone else’s imagination having been protected onto you before you even opened your eyes a minute after breathing in this life time.
Oh, look at those meaty hands! She’s not playing guitar! Yeah, she’ll be no good at that.”

Yes, you can play guitar. Yes, you can bake, cook, know your way around a car, lose weight, are beautiful, are worthy, are all that and a bag of chips.

If you were to speak to artists, writers, inventors, creators, you may find “yourself living in a shot-gun shack”.¹, no, really, now. You may find that many of these amazing minds dove into themselves and allowed their creativity to take them away from their life experiences on the fly, like Calgon.

When there were too many people at my house, I’d lay on the sofa and stare at the ceiling, imagining myself having the whole house to myself with no furniture, except the piano and my tricycle, having to jump over the entrances and all that room, to myself, I was in 7th Heaven. I drowned every conversation, except for the music I was making up from my own imagination.

The Design Course taught Better Body Image and believe it or not, those who have a better image of themselves, are less likely to allow fear of confrontation to derail their plans and goals.
Diving into the meanings of any why with regards to Procrastination, is akin to taking a ferry boat to Infinity. The way is long and the trail goes deeper and deeper; however, if you’re interested in diving in, start with accredited sites like WebMD, look for books and articles by their reviews and see which shoe, book, podcast feels better. There are a gazillion apps, too.

In conclusion, the more you kick ass, take names, live authentically and aren’t afraid to spit truth at bullies, or any son of a bum, going far enough to maybe rant on with ya bad self at an acting course: “You Talkin’ To Me?” who knows what the mind can achieve?

Till We Read Again, I thank you, and send you some lovin’ and all that jazz.

I invite all my readers to subscribe to my show: Janet Grace: Inside The Mind Of Me Podcast Show on YouTube.

Peace/Out:
JG )O(

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