Doctor Curmudgeon® No Way This Child Will Be Ransomed!
By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman, is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist
With a huge sigh, Galahad (the brilliant, Siberian Husky member of the Curmudgeon household, who was in charge of everything) sat down on a couch. Settling his fluffy tail on a pillow, he placed his reading glasses on his nose, and cleared his mind.
Having just ended a webinar which he had taught on the volatility of Middle Eastern politics, Gally (as he is called by family and friends), reached for the superb book that he had been reading.
Renpet (his sister and feline who was supposedly retired from her position at the CIA) had gifted him with this masterpiece.
It was Robert Harris’ fictional account of Cicero’s rise to power as told by his secretary-slave, Tiro.
Delightfully lost in in ancient Rome somewhere between 79 and 64 BCE, Galahad followed the rise of Cicero amid the intricacies of Roman politics…not so different from today, he mused.
He was brought back to the present quite suddenly by the exhausted appearance of Renpet.
Barely able to leap upon the couch next to the Husky, the athletic feline ensconced herself on the other end; sinking into a pillow with a murmur of exhaustion.
His eyebrows raised in a quizzical expression, Gally removed his glasses and placed the book on an end table.
He waited for Renpet to speak.
Speaking in a whisper, she said, “I have been on some delicate and dangerous missions. I have felt fear, exhaustion, and disgust. I have been involved with delicate negotiations…”
Waiting for her to continue, Galahad reached out a paw in comfort.
“I had no misgivings when our neighbor asked if I could watch her son, Johnny, while she took her orals for her Ph.D. Her husband was on a business trip. Really, Galahad, I was happy to do something for her. She is a wonderful friend. And I have seen the child briefly on a few occasions.”
“Indeed,” said Gally, Such an adorable Himalayan! I’ve observed them walking with the youngster. I must say that I have thought it a bit odd as they always keep him on a leash!”
“Yes!” said Renpet with great emphasis. “And there is a reason for that.”
Catching her breath, she continued, “He is impossible. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I wanted to grab him by the scruff of his neck and throttle him. He never stops yowling, scratching, biting, tearing through the house with no concern for any obstacles. He makes continual demands, pulls my tail, tried to rider on my back…”
Trying to hide his amusement, the canine patted Renpet, “You must relax. This whole encounter reminds me of a story written by O.Henry. It’s “The Ransom of Red Chief” Even though it first appeared in The Saturday Evening Post in1907, it is quite relevant today.
“It’s the story of two criminals who decide to kidnap a child and ransom him. Coincidentally, this child’s name is Johnny, just like that obstreperous kitten.
“They have to keep lowering their ransom demands as this boy, who refers to himself as ‘Red Chief’ is driving them to distraction. They can’t wait to get rid of him and return him to his family.
“After being battered, bruised and exhausted by him, they attempt to return him.
“However, the father refuses to take Johnny back and insists on two hundred and fifty dollars from the kidnappers…which they gladly pay to get rid of him.”
Nestling into her pillow Renpet said, “I know the short story well. Never, never, did I ever think that I would have to endure such an encounter.
“I emphasize with the father. I would have paid anything to avoid that baby siting experience. The kidnappers were fortunate to come away so cheaply.”
Dr. Curmudgeon suggests “Bitter Medicine”, Dr. Eugene Eisman’s story of his experiences–from the humorous to the intense—as a young army doctor serving in the Vietnam War.
Bitter Medicine by Eugene H. Eisman, M.D. –on Amazon
Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com “talk real world medicine”
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