Memories
By Jim Koury
As I sit and reflect upon the new year that recently arrived, I anxiously await what it will bring. Many folks seem to dread the advent of a new year and the passing of time, but I have come to accept that time passes quickly by us and look forward to the opportunities of a new year. While the memories of a time gone by still burn brightly in my brain, new ones yet to be identified await in the wings to join the ranks of those that are now but shadows residing in my inner consciousness.
Having just recently experienced the loss of the second parent, my father, making me an orphan, I also reflect upon relatives and friends no longer physically part of my world, causing me to fondly look back upon family gatherings from the shadows of the past. Despite their human failings, as we all have, they enriched my life uniquely, with some more than others influencing me. Sadly, some departed with lessons of how not to be. With many, I carry forward to this day their loving and nurturing attributes and the memories of their embraces and words of encouragement.
Those reading this, I am sure, also feel as I do about the advent of a new year and look forward to what it may bring into their lives. Keeping in mind all I have stated thus far, I ask that you take a moment to reflect upon how you wish to have the year unfold. Ask yourself if the grudges you hold and the bad memories you retain within are worth the cost of not enjoying the camaraderie of those sitting with you today, creating new memories, as they will be gone one day, either because of death or simply due to the course of life, that separates and divides, and takes us elsewhere.
We all have those family and friends who were difficult to live and interact with. Do you wish to remember them in the light of the ill will of your grudges and regrets and carry those memories to your death, or do you want to remember them for who they were at one time, in a better frame of reference, and what they truly meant to you? We often get wrapped up in the trials and tribulations of our lives and focus on our shortcomings so much that we tend to forget the beneficial impact these people have etched into our consciousness.
I specifically think of my dad in this respect. My father and I had a rough and rocky relationship, interspersed with some loving moments, which, sadly, were few and far between. When he died, we were not on the best of terms. However, he was still my father, and we do what we must as children to facilitate a loved one’s journey to cross over to the next sphere of consciousness. Deep down, I knew he loved me, as I did him, despite our differences of opinion and all the damage we inflicted on each other over the years.
In his more sensitive moments during the last few months of his life, due likely to the assessment of his life that all undertake when death is pending, I told him “stuff” while he was still coherent, as well as in his delirious death state, that I hoped helped assuage the many years of conflict and trauma. I cannot speak for him and how he truly felt toward me in the end, but I did what I thought was right, and I feel at peace for the most part. Enough to move on to my next chapter in life without my mom and dad, with few regrets and lamentations over how I wish things had been different. I hope he felt the same way, but I will never know with any degree of certainty. All I can do is maintain some bit of faith that he did.
At the start of this new year, and as I mentioned earlier, I also reflect upon the people who are now gone, but not necessarily due to death. There are three kinds of people — those that pass through and no longer are seen or heard from again, those that pass through but are in the shadows to re-emerge again at some future point, and those that remain steadfastly part of our lives.
We all have those folks from our past that have come and gone, never to be heard from again. I know I do. I miss some of them, and often wonder where they are, what they are doing, and if they are even still yet alive. I hope someday, some of these long-forgotten people who impacted me will re-emerge, if for nothing more than to satisfy my curiosity about what has gone on in their lives.
As I am sure you do, I also have friends and acquaintances who were once an integral part of our existence but seemed to fade away for whatever reason. However, they cursorily remain on the fringes, popping in once in a while to say hello or make quick comments on a Facebook post or some other venue. I firmly believe the universe has a purpose for these people, but what they are to bring into our lives is not the right time for ours. At some point, the timing will sync, and their purpose in our lives … and theirs to once again interact with us … will manifest.
The last category of people are those who never left our worlds and still play an essential and integral role in our daily lives, as they have done for decades. Sadly, these folks are a small group, at least in my world they are. For this reason, they are meant to be cherished and respected for who they are and the blessings they bring to us by having them around.
I believe there is a hidden lesson from everyone we meet, but I especially cherish those who come back into my consciousness and those who never left, as they are the people who matter the most and the ones I have learned much from.
Alas, the words in this essay may not fully apply to all. To those who cannot find solace in the words of this article, I am hopeful that someday you can find something of mutual concurrence that will help to bridge the chasm between you and whoever is at a distance from you, whether alive or dead.
Life is short. We all have shortcomings. Do not let the inconsequential things in life and our human failings take pre-eminence in your consciousness. One day, those inconsequential things that caused you to overlook what was important and forget the good memories will create regrets and cause never-ending internal torment. Create and remember memories that will comfort you, bring a smile to your face, and disregard those you harbor within the evil of your ego. You have the power NOW to prevent that from happening.
Go forth in life with a good attitude and a healthy stride, and try to keep the good memories burning brightly in your consciousness. At the same time, put the bad ones that caused so much heartache and turmoil in the back pasture of your mind to serve only as lessons for what not to be in your own lives.
Jim is the author of two books, Unredacted, and Soul Journey, and also publishes an online publication, Diversity Rules Magazine. He resides in Upstate New York in the city where he was born, with his dog Lina and cat Critter.