RingSide Report

World News, Social Issues, Politics, Entertainment and Sports


By Anthony Santiago

Pittsburgh! I was there and I saw the fight go down. OMG!!! I am so excited about the new Batman movie that I want to dress like Catwoman and run amuck! The Caped Crusader was seen taking on Bane in the city, and let me tell you, the people went wild! My Georgie Girl got too excited and tried to make it over to Christian Bale for a hug, but he was beaten by security and I heard one of them yell: “Oh my god, we knocked out all of his teeth!” Jokes on you, you toy cop…he ain’t got no teeth!

Bane, in the comic books is like this unstoppable machine. So, Mr. Batman, you’d better get your muscles rippling and your fist pumping to beat this man. I remember when there was this dude that moved into our apartment building and he was mean. He made fun of my Georgie Girl because he only had two teeth in the front and he kept calling him “Spongebob.” “Hey Spongebob, where’s Patrick,” he’d ask and walk by, nudging my terrified husband. That ain’t right!

So, anyway, I told Georgie Girl to stand up to him and fight him, and he did, and … he was put into the hospital for six weeks. It was bad advice I guess. I checked my email to see how many people wanted to discuss the new Batman movie and I could not believe my eyes: 983 trillion emails about THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, prompting me to create the…

Top 10 Reasons why THE DARK KNIGHT RISES will Rule

10 – Christian Bale’s crazy rants
9 – Tight fitting superhero costumes
8 – The fact that he “rises.” What’s that about?
7 – The sexy super villain Bane
6 – The possibilities of his boyfriend Robin showing up
5 – Violence rules
4 – Tim Burton ain’t squirting on this one
3 – Two Face is close to No Teeth
2- Morgan Freeman + Michael Caine = Sex Appeal
1 – What happened to my Bat Dong?

Watch out Batman fans, this movie is going to rule and everyone else will DROOL!

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