Yo, check this out. I just found out that my friend, the LEGENDARY Eddie Furlong, was just arrested again…this time for violating a restraining order and verbally abusing his ex-girlfriend. Eddie, you know you’re my boy, but you gotta shake her. She thinks you’re an assclown, noodle dick, twat, keyboard warrior that is a washed up FOOL and wants nothing to do with you and you’re only going to end up in the slammer.
Unlike other journalists, I’ve done my research and spoke to both the cellmate of Furlong and the arresting officer in this latest bust. They really give you a window into the world that is the LEGENDARY Eddie Furlong.
This @#$@#$ bitch, Furlong, holds my belt loop every time that we are walking in that prison yard. The @#$@#$ bitch rubs my feet every single night and then I put little pigtails in his hair and show him my Terminator from behind. You talk about Scared Straight….well, try scared in half. I told him that if he came back, I would split him like firewood. Well, it’s not the winter, but the firewood is going to be split and this mother @#$@#$ will learn the hard way that no bitch of mine walks away from me.
(Note – it could not be confirmed that Bubba Richards was his cellmate)
All of these asshole celebrities think that they are above the law. Well, Eddie Furlong found out that he wasn’t. I wasn’t a fan of the Terminator series. The only REAL heroes are cops like me and in those movies, the cops are just used as target practice. Oh, I’m sure my ex-wife loved that as she sucks that drug dealer’s @#$@# right now and takes all of my money. Yeah, a decorated officer that is the reason why you EBT accepting, baby factory, scumbags are free has to work two jobs just to eat raviolis out of a can and they are the generic brand. They suck. They taste like ass. It tastes like I’m eating Chef Boyardee’s fat asshole and I can barely afford that. That’s just what I want to do…give Chef Boyardee a rim job. Thanks Obama!