RingSide Report

World News, Social Issues, Politics, Entertainment and Sports


By Georgie “Justin” Bieber (AKA – Joystick Georgie)

OMG! Did you hear that this new fangled Xbox One needs to “phone home” every 24 hours via internet connection? Really? Really? Nice try fella, but I’m not going to buy that system. No way…no how! Even if the state offers it to me for free with my EBT card. I don’t care! I’m going to move onto the PS4. I used to have respect for Xbox…that’s right. I used to, but not anymore. Not since this “Don Mattrick,” the chief of interactive entertainment for Microsoft, put his customers on blast and said that if you don’t have the internet to hook up your Xbox One full time, then get an Xbox 360. Really? Really? You’re the assclown of the month and you’re a typical keyboard warrior. YA HEARD!

This is big brother. It reminds me of this fat guy that lives next door to me named “Aaron” that tries to look into my bathroom window when I take a number two. He’s into that stuff. I sprayed him in the peepers with some air freshener. He still bugs me but he is nowhere near the FOOL that Mattrick is.

I’m now officially an Xbox HATER. That’s right…you didn’t read it wrong. I am a HATER of Xbox for their decision to put all of us no internet unless we’re at the library gamers on blast! I ain’t got no money…and Target pays dick. I got my paycheck from Target and it was only 178 dollars for the week! What am I supposed to do with that? I can barely afford my dad’s porn habit. He just sits in that pleather recliner and watches it and then I have to buy Windex and Kleenex too…freaking guy says “oh this is leather,” but it’s called “bonded leather”…in other words, “PLEATHER!” Freaking assclown drunk.

Are you going to buy an Xbox One?

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