By Georgie “Justin” Bieber (AKA – Joystick Georgie)
OMG! When the going gets tough, the tough get going and this assclown, Don Mattrick, former President of Microsoft’s interactive entertainment business is running for the hills because of us gamers putting him on blast! YA HEARD! A lot of FOOLS say that letter-writing campaigns don’t work, but I can tell you different. I was at my job at Target and using my LEGENDARY supervisor, Joanne’s computer to write letter after letter to Microsoft about this noodle dick and his remarks about gamers and the Xbox One. Really? Really? Nice try fella, but y’all ain’t gonna tells us gamers what we can and can’t do.
They needed to get rid of this IDIOT. He told me and my friends in the gamer world that we need to get the Xbox 360 if we didn’t like the fact that the new system needed to be on line 24/7. Well, let me tell you something mister. I only have the net at work and at the library. So, where’s the net gonna come from and I’m not talking about those fishnet stockings that Oscar De La Hoya likes so much either pal. Nice try fella. I can’t get a wire from the library to my apartment you fool! I was so mad, mad, mad! But then, he took it back, but I know he’s a liar too and would do us dry from behind the minute that we bought the system. That’s why I’m buying the PS4. Sony don’t give me the bologna pony. YA HEARD!
My dad was very happy too. He usually just plays on his Atari 2600 but the drunk shit head fell down on the paddles and broke them. He can’t play Breakout or Combat anymore, but he is willing to give the PS4 a shot. Here is what he had to say…
“As long as they have great games like Pitfall and Defender, I’ll be happy. Do the Atari joysticks work on this Player Station? Does Atari make the Player Station? Can I read about this in Nintendo Power and does it play 8 Track Tapes? I hope that my paddles are going to be OK. I took quite the spill. I got a bruise on my left thigh and upper nut.”
My dad is a freaking idiot. I should have never included his comments in this article. Freaking asshole idiot.