RingSide Report

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By Vinnie Franklin

I was sitting back watching TV when I saw the new DARK KNIGHT RISES trailer. I saw some football players running the field and the then the entire field just evaporated. That was some scary shit. And now we have this “Bane” character, played by Tom Hardy. Hardy had to gain substantial weight to play that bulky character, but it was well worth it man.

The run time for this new flick is 164 minutes, which will be a fast-paced movie experience, but they have big shoes to fill. In the last entry, we saw Heath Ledger play “The Joker,” one of the most memorable characters in the history of superhero film. He was way better than that fat slob Joker played by portly Jack Nicholson. I know that they didn’t have Nicholson bulk up for that role. He just came in full of Twinkies.

Tim Burton is not involved on this one, thankfully. I know Adam West probably shat his pants when he first sat down to watch the world that Burton has created. He is the most overrated filmmaker of all time. Somebody needs to take some of that clay that he uses to make his characters and shove it up his ass.

Christian Bale plays the role of Batman correctly. He’s gritty and dark…well, his voice leaves something to be desired. He sounds like he was passed around in the prison shower room, but despite the strange delivery of dialog as Batman, he is a great asset to the movie. Think of his competition though: Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and George Clooney…none of which belong in a Bat suit.

Anne Hathaway comes in as Catwoman and she is one hot chick and will be a welcomed addition. You have to wonder if Batman can even sport wood in that skin tight Bat costume. He may have to send Alfred (Michael Caine) over to knock some boots with the hot feline. Caine’s not too old. You can tell he can still deliver in the sack just by looking at him. He just wants to watch the world and the bedroom burn.

I saw THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN and it was good. It was damn good, but I’m more excited about this Batman flick. I love Batman. When I was a child, I had Batman wallpaper and collected all of the comic books. He has a special place in my heart and these last 3 entries have done it right. Burton? That guy took a big dump in my bucket of popcorn when he got his hands on my most super of superheroes.

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